Colony: Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot

The pilot of this dystopian does exactly what it needs to do – introduces everyone, what their issues are and what the stakes are as well as setting up the world setting

Which is interesting because of how subtly it was done. It didn’t scream “dystopian hellhole” from the opening scenes – no, people seem to have relatively normal lives. I appreciate how it started with such a very mundane opening scene of breakfast and then introduced just a hint of the underlying problems: Shortages of basic supplies we take for granted

Our main characters – Will, Katie and their children – go through a relatively normal day with these constant little hints: radios talking about travel bans, ominous flying machines, fear of the police – all of it escalates as we see Katie bargaining for insulin (in a world where the occupiers don’t feel the need to treat diabetes).

While people don’t lead happy lives, the fact they don’t lead utterly hellish lives of pain and privation is, I think, an important touch. Especially since the (presumably) alien overlords (they talk of “the arrival” and “the invasion” and we see a lot of super technology) are largely absent and it is collaborators who are actually the face of oppression. They are the ones who round up dissidents, enforce the curfew etc etc. There’s a resistance and some of the people even call them terrorists. The fact the dystopian isn’t constant hellish torture is perhaps the key to selling this – because people probably can keep their head down, keep quiet, play along and not face any consequences. We also see very clearly that the Collaborators enjoy a much higher quality of life with much better food, drink and general luxuries.

I am interested in how the Resistance is portrayed – they’re planting bombs, some call them terrorist and those bombs are even called IEDs. No direct comparisons are made with real world insurgencies, but I have to say I’m surprised in the present political climate to have an Insurgency presented as, at least potentially, good guys.

Our main characters deviate from their “normal” lives when Will tries to leave the walled city of Los Angeles to find their missing third son – and gets caught up in a Resistance strike which ends up with him being caught. And exposed as an army ranger: which is rare skill set these days as all police and soldiers were rounded up and disappeared shortly after the occupation (another of Will’s friends, Broussard, talks about this).

Wynonna Earp, Season 1, Episode 1: Purgatory

New show, following Wynonna Earp, descendent of Wyatt Earp and general troubled lady – and this is an episode full of exposition. Normally I’d complain because that would suggest an epic amount of info dumping but this is really well done – the information well presented and paced among the action. This huge introduction was so well presented, lots of points to the writers for that

Wynonna’s heading home on a bus which, unfortunately, breaks down and a nice lady she just met decides to get off the bus… which is most unwise as the bus is surrounded by ominous scary shadows which promptly rip her heart out. The rest of the bus drivers off – afraid – but Wynonna insists on getting out of the bus to help. It doesn’t go well… until her alarm on her phone goes off on her 27^th birthday – and Wynonna suddenly kicks serious arse and stabs the monster – Revenants – in the eye. So we have an introduction to the stakes and her abilities.

That’s a nice intro to the action. And when she finally gets back into town to see her Aunt Gus for her dead Uncle Curtis’s funeral. Now for the intro into her home life in Purgatory – she clearly has a troubled past, even her aunt thinks she’s “damaged” beyond repair and she has spent time in a mental institution. She has been in trouble with the police (and sasses the sheriff most awesomely) and isn’t fully popular with everyone round town, though she has some fans, including her sister, Waverly.

Through her interactions with Waverly and various other people in town we learn about the Earp curse. Whenever an Earp reaches the age of 27 all the men the original Earp killed come back and the current Earp (the heir), with her new minted shiny combat skills, brings them down, all around the town of Purgatory. It’s a fate Wynonna has been running from ever since her tragic childhood when Revenants attacked their family and killed their older sister, Willa, who was supposed to be the heir. On top of that, Wynonna, using Earp’s fabled Peacemaker gun, tried to shoot the Revenants and hit her dad instead

Zoo, Season 1, Episode 1: First Blood

This pilot splits us into two storylines

Firstly we have Jackson Oz who leads safaris in Botswana. His dad was a famous professor, Robert Oz, who theorised that animals would rise up (involving a “defiant pupil”) and kill off humanity because humanity was doing such a shit job of looking after the planet that they weren’t going to die out because we couldn’t maintain a stable ecosystem. He committed suicide and was widely discredited and, presumably, his ghost is out there somewhere being enormously smug. I rather think smug ghosts would be more annoying than poltergeists

Anyway, Jackson and his friend Abraham are leading safaris when the Ominous happens. I give props for giving us lots of very spooky and ominous lead ins without dragging it out too far. After all, anyone watching this show knows the premise: animals rising up to kill people. When people go missing on a safari, it’s not exactly rocket science to figure out what happened. So points for raising tension and not dragging it out to the point where I’m yelling “A lion better eat someone soon!”

Which is what happens, the lions have eaten everyone except tourist Chloe and are now stalking them – they seem to get Abraham

I admit, this annoyed me muchly – I did a double take to see if they were really going to kill off the pilot’s most prominent POC so soon – but it turns out he’s only injured (and he’s credited for 15 episodes so I guess he lives and has just been temporarily plot boxed). This leaves Chloe (who conveniently drops into the conversation that she’s single, just in case we were worried we wouldn’t have straight romantic tension at the end of the world) and Jackson running away from lions in lots of tense, but good action scenes. Jackson also gets to tell us about his dad.

He ends up being arrested because earlier he meddled with a hunt. I suspect human authorities arresting him won’t be top of anyone’s priority list soon.

The second storyline happens in Los Angeles where some guys have been eaten by lions that have escaped form the zoo. In comes plucky journalist Jamie Campbell. She is sure that the lions running amok is caused by their food being changed and coming from biotech company Rayden

Olympus, season 1, episode 1: The Temple of Gaia

Opening of the pilot with a guy who looks a bit roughed up in a dark placewith his legs in stocks. Kinky. He’s also surrounded by severed feet – now that cave must smell awful.

An ominous, huge, growly figure sharpens a blade while the captured man who would rather keep his legs yells his safeword tells the cyclops he’s there to help. He’s apparently been sent by the Cyclops’s mother Gaia to find her oracle. The roaring cyclops does have 1 eye – in its mouth. Well that’s different and rather impractical. The Cyclops isn’t interested in oracles and paints the man’s feet blue, as you do. Establishing the shows cheese credentials, the man manages to steal the Cyclops’s blade, use it as a boomerang to cut off the monsters fingers and break out of the stocks.

Having escaped the man follows the sound of female screaming and finds 3 women who, when they hear his mission, each claim to be the Oracle of Gaia. What, is rescuing rationed or something? Can he only rescue one damsel in distress or be over his hero quota? The women are also of classic Maiden, Mother and Crone age, so I rather suspect all three are the Oracle.

Sensibly, the man opts for a 3-for-1 rescue special, and has them hide while he lures a Cyclops off the edge of a chasm, securing himself with a rope (and a gravity defying leather skirt)

When they get to the surface, the young woman declares she’s not actually the Oracle of Gaia – as do the other two. He decides that the younger one is because she runs. Quite why the genuine Oracle would run I don’t know. So he now becomes kidnapper, dragging the woman away from her family. At least he seems to be right and it is the Oracle and she points out that the priest will kill him – after all, oracles are supposed to be all blissfully divine, they’re not supposed to run away. They’ll want to keep that secret.

She tries to bribe him then says she ran away because she was beaten, abused and raped – which he then disbelieves because the priests told him Oracles have to be virgins. She hits back at him believing the priests she said raped her. He also tries to play that he’s too hard to care so she throws in a vision: he’s a good man and his name is cursed. His name? Time to get ye to a courthouse and change it! Apparently people who say his name out loud get turned to stone; the Oracle has some hilarious curiosity (“if you said it, would you turn to stone?” He, wisely, has decided not to try).

Having proved that she’s the Oracle she demands to be released – he points out that proving she’s the Oracle doesn’t actually get her out of being kidnapped for being the Oracle… This Oracle’s logic is a little shaky.

They’re attacked by random cannibals in make up and the Nameless man fights them with a rope. A rope? This man went Oracle hunting against the Cyclops without an actual weapon? He manages to strangle one (and it’s a pretty good depiction of the whole nastiness of strangling). The other cannibal runs off with the Oracle. D- grade there Nameless. He follows their tracks but they disappear abruptly.

The Returned, Season 1, Episode 1: Camille

4 years ago

A school bus full of kiddies, including a girl called Camille, falls off a mountainous road.

Present Day

Camille climbs her way out of the ravine and walks back to the town (which is in the middle of the mountains of the Pacific Northwest). As she walks home, a power cut shuts off the town

In town a group of people are meeting and a woman called Chris tells everyone that she and Matthew are having a baby and how the group has helped them keep going after their loss. Everyone is totally happy about this news (or really good at faking socially appropriate joy). Except for the grumpy guy, Jack, in the corner.

In the darkness, a woman (Claire) lights candles around pictures of Camille, it looks like a shrine. The peculiar power outage hardly lasts and back at the meeting Jack snarks at proposals for a (admittedly kind of ugly) monument commemorating 32 dead children – the kids who died in the bus crash. He seems to make a habit of being the grouchy one in the corner and he’s not the most popular

Camille goes home and starts making lots of sandwiches, much to the visible shock of Claire. She tries to recover rather than just staring poleaxed

On to the local bar where Camille’s sister Lena is doing shots and, in the back room, Jack gets dressed after clearly having sex with another woman. She’s fighting her husband for legal custody and Jack is giving her money. They’re interrupted when Claire calls and asks Jack to come to her house, sounding a little shaky to say the least.

Claire is still shellshocked around Camille, her daughter and hastily pulls apart her shrine. Jack comes over and joins the shellshock when he realises Camille is there – even opening the bathroom door in shock. Claire quickly fills Jack in that Camille remembers nothing – not the bus crash or the other kids dying.

Jack and Claire are joined by Peter who runs the support group and is a psychologist (Peter and Jack exchange angry eyes and if they attacked each other with antlers it couldn’t be clearer that Claire is the point of contention between them). Upon seeing Camille, he gets the same shell-shocked look. He gives Camille a super supportive speech about accepting what happened and being there to help her, which would be great if she actually knew what happened.

Almighty Johnsons Season 3, Episode 1: An Orchard of Trees

It’s back! Almighty Johnsons is back! After we thought it was cancelled, it returned to us, precious! It returned!

Now, fix Gaia. Now now, now, now.

And Anders no longer has the horrible beardy thing! Things are looking up! He returns to a perfect fairtytale home where his pregnant wife, Gaia, awaits him – so happy and joyful and sweet. Apparently 5 years have passed – and Axl is very very pissed about Gaia and Anders – and is embedded in a tree.

Thankfully it’s not real, it’s Axl’s twisted imagination. Less thankfully, he snaps out of this because Gaia screams his name while he’s driving a car at speed on the wrong side of the road with another car coming in the opposite direction. After some very exciting spinning out of control, they come to a stop – alive and in one piece. But Axl just can’t live in a world with Gaia and Anders together. Gaia, always the sensible one, points out Anders is nowhere to be seen, she’s in Axl’s car, going to the house where they live together and she intends to spend the night in Axl’s bed. Gaia, awesome as always. Axl and Gaia kiss passionately. They continue to kiss all the way back home. They don’t stop kissing as he struggles to open the door, they don’t stop kissing as the go into his room at which point I think they do stop kissing by the moans, cries and panting that follows. It kind of ruins Zeb’s Frigg re-birth party.

Anders is at his own flat (with an odd hallucination of Gaia in his bathroom mirror) and does a really good job of being silently torn up about Helen’s (Idun) murder – her blood still staining his kitchen floor.

Ingrid (Snotra) gets thoroughly drunk and has to explain the whole hot mess to Ty. Mike (Ullr) complains bitterly about digging Helen’s makeshift grave, complaining that Anders should do it and being really dismissive of Ander’s grief. Olaf (Baldr) sort of helps but I think even he’s not impressed by Mike’s whining. Michele (Sjofn) and Stacy (Fulla) clear out Natalie’s (the murdering religious fanatic) room and Michele weighs up whether Gaia, as Idun, will be easier to deal with.

Returning to Anders, Mike chews him out for not cleaning up the blood in his kitchen (and Anders tries to invoke Mike’s Ullr abilities by suggesting burying a body is a “hiding game”. Nice try). Mike and Olaf also warn Anders off Gaia. Agreed there, but I still think people might find more sympathy for Anders. Even if he doesn’t actually encourage it.

Exhausted, Mike goes home to Michele and adds dodgy plumbing to his list of things to do. He wants to know why Colin (Loki) called Michele the most powerful goddess (she can make anyone infatuated with anyone else – sounds pretty powerful to me) but Michele pleads ignorance (possibly honestly). She wants to know if Mike still plans to kill Colin but given Colin’s ability to make nasty murdering god hunters explode, Mike’s backing up on that one.

Anders goes to work (in Jon Hamm trousers that, of course, I didn’t notice) and tells a very very scathing Dawn that Helen and Natalie are out of the picture – including the business they were supposed to be bringing (and also denying he ever had a beard – yes, let us pretend it never happened). Anders uses his Bragi powers to mojo Dawn – and, because it’s Almighty Johnsons, throw in a suggestion that Natalie and Helen have run off to have a lesbian affair. And has another Gaia hallucination.

Ty drops in to see Anders and asks Dawn out (who doesn’t remember him) – and I find myself agreeing with Anders again, too soon Ty! You’re being creepy. Just to remind us that Ty is the sweet one, Anders asks him lots of personal information about Helen to see if anyone’s going to come looking for her (no). Ty found all this out on one date while Anders, despite being with her for weeks, didn’t know any of it – they just had sex constantly. Anders continually ducks any questions about his feelings.

Back at Gaia and Axl’s, an apple tree has sprouted out of the sofa. Which rather freaks Zeb out since the landlord is coming to visit tomorrow. The perils of the new Idun. Time to call in Olaf and Ingrid to see what the holy apple tree means (they eat the apples, because they’re awesomely delicious. Apples all round (except Gaia who thinks it’s vaguely creepy) and I’m with Axl, it’s probably a bad idea of Zeb to eat them. Unfortunately, Anders isn’t the only one with hallucinations and Gaia sees Anders – she reacts with sexually suggestive finger sucking with Axl.

Under the Dome, Season 1, Episode 1: Pilot

A nicely ominous thematic start – an egg hatching, a menacing bird, twilight, ominous music and a man digging a pit. A grave, actually, in which he dumps a hastily wrapped blood stained body of a man.

Well, that sets the tone.

In the police station, police woman Linda goes to collect police boss man Duke who is relaxing in one of the cells. Someone has reported a “bang”. Which they both agree is a most unhelpful description.

At Rose’s diner councillor Jim Rennie finishes up and grossly over-tips Rose – there’s an implication the diner is struggling.

And elsewhere, Angie and Junior Rennie have just finished having sex and he tells her he loves her (it doesn’t count in the afterglow, Angie). She thinks it’s been a fun summer (ouch Junior, she totally ducked that, ouch indeed). And he’s dropping out of college – Angie Does Not Approve. But look at the puppy dog eyes – he’s loved you forever and ever Angie! She says no and heads to work - he grabs her arm and she slaps his face. She leaves angry and the angsty ominous music plays

Ok, stop – murderer guy, Linda, Duke, Rose, Jim, Angie, Junior. That’s more than enough characters for the first episode. Stop now.

No such luck – next character is Julia, newspaper editor of the Independent, being all condescending to an older lady, Mrs. Grinnell, who awesomely puts her in place with a “I get my news online, like everyone else.” Ouch, well played, Mrs. Grinnell. She has a tip – someplace has just received 10 deliveries of propane in 2 weeks. Julia downplays Mrs. Grinnell’s fears of a bomb – but really, that’s pretty damn suspicious actually. She did call the police and Duke said it was fine. But he was nervous, Mrs. Grinnell has ever seen Duke nervous. So Julia agrees to dig

What, you downplay reports of 10 deliveries of propane as nothing – but a nervous policeman is cause to get involved? See, this is why online news is taking off, Julia.

Meanwhile bloke whose hiding a body does a very good job (dare I say, practiced job) of hiding the grave and driving off, hiding a cut on his eyebrow. He makes an angry phone call with someone about their man Smith, showing up and trying to “aggressively renegotiate”. Seeing Linda and Duke driving the other way towards him, he hangs up and readies his gun. They pass without stopping – though Linda takes down his numberplate. Murderer guy spends so long looking in the mirror at the departing police, he fails to see the cows in the middle of the road.

Yes, he doesn’t see a cow. He swerves off the road to avoid it (no hamburger today), miring his car in a field and puncturing one of the tyres. And he has no spare.

And then there’s an earthquake. It’s really not murderer guy’s day, is it? The earthquake hits the whole town. Lots of panic and alarm – and Duke seems to have a heart attack.

Near Murderer Guy, in the cow field, a line of explosions appears in front of him. One cow caught on the line is cut cleanly in half. Lengthways. The guy reaches his hand towards the clear line in front of him – and is shocked, he quickly pulls his hand away and accidentally drops it into half of the cow. Eww messy. Looking alone the line, everything has been cut in half – farm equipment, even a barn. He pushes against the line and is stopped by a barrier and it’s like a glass wall – he even smears his bloody handprint on it, the blood seeming to hang in the air. He’s joined by a teenager from one of the local houses who is equally baffled.

In the police car, Duke reassures Linda that his pacemaker just skipped a beat while I yell at the screen that they’ve got more important things to worry about. They get radio calls coming in of downed power lines and all the land lines being cut off.

What – all the land lines cut off? Cows being cut in 2 I could deal with. Being trapped I can deal with. I can even manage being trapped in rural Maine. But no broadband?

Back to the fence where the kid decides to poke it repeatedly. They also find it’s really high because birds are flying into it and breaking their neck. And then a plan hits it – kaboom. Kid looks up at the wreckage about to crush him to goo, but Murderer Guy (who really needs a name) pushes him to safety. They avoid the wreckage – even the chunk of leg that lands next to them. The burned mark on the dome is visible to the whole town.