Defiance Sneak Peaks

Defiance is coming to Syfy on the 15th of April, and we're getting lots of advanced trailers to whet our appetite

The first 14 minutes of the premier:

Some world building of the 2 main families of Defiance

And an introduction to Tommy, deputy lawkeeper of Defiance

Lover at Last (Black Dagger Brotherhood #11) by J R Ward

I am trying to write a summary that I normally preface every review with and my brain decided to inflict narcolepsy on me at the very idea. Why?

Well, I’ve shaken this book, looked around the edges, skimmed through it again, double checked, skimmed through it the other way in case there’s a secret code – I’ve even put on my Enigma Brain and looked for some kind of secret code.

But no, despite being over 500 interminably boring pages long, there is no plot in this book. None, none at all. There are random events but nothing actually happens, not one damn relevant thing. Let me sum up the gazillion unnecessary storylines in this 590+ page book.

Blay & Qhuinn:  Angst! Convoluted reason why we can’t be together! Angst some more! And some more! Ridiculous misunderstanding that drives us apart! OMG MORE AAAAANGST! And secrecy and ANGST!

Xcor and the Band of Bastards: RAWR. Well, growl anyway. More biding our time. Which is code for doing nothing – except stalking Layla in a tragic romantic fashion that’s totally not creepy honest

Layla: I’m pregnant with the baby Qhuinn and I randomly wanted out of the blue without any forethought! Yay! No I’m not, ANGST!  Yes I am, YAY! Oh and still fixated on violent, vicious traitor with no redeeming features – this is romantic and not a sign that I need a serious intervention or a slap upside the head!

The Lessers: Rawr! Actually, no; rawr suggests we’re doing stuff. We’re kind of hanging around being evil. Go Evil! Still evil!

Sola: Hi, I’m a completely new character dropped in because even the teeny tiny side characters you don’t give a damn about simply must have a love interest! Assail looked at me and I am now smitten for life and completely ruined for other men. Despite my utter pointlessness, you get to spend several pages in my POV! Funsies! Seriously, a ride around in Wrath’s dog’s head would be more interesting and relevant.

Luchas, Qhuinn’s brother is alive and stuff! Yay… I guess? Was there a reason I was supposed to care about this guy?

Assail: remember me? Probably not because I’m a completely unnecessary side character and little more than a clone of Rehvenge anyway. I’m here for no damn good reason and no-one should care about me but I’m apparently important, who knows why. I have a love interest now – let the creepy stalking and threats commence! Yay romance!

Trez & iAm: Hey you finally get to learn about the Shadows and our culture, who we are and what we’re doing! Hah, just kidding! No Trez is a sex addict who is running away from an arranged marriage, deals with that by sleeping with every other woman in the city, possibly the state and is now fixating on yet another woman as his one and only twu lub forever after glancing at her once, from a distance. Ho-hum. Creepy stalking and angst will, no doubt, commence in the next book.

I think that about covers everything. Wrath is the king and being kingly, the glymeria are still pointlessly wasting their time plotting pointlessly about pointless things. There’s some random fight scenes for the sake of fighting and we get an eternally long sequence of Quinn flying a plane because funsies (and I am resisting the urge to say something about motherfucking vampires on a plane, I hope you realise this)!

Which covers most of the book – nothing actually happening, all the plots kind of drifting in the breeze, the Brotherhood serving more as comic relief than as any actual warriors and all delivered with JR Ward’s… signature writing style. Hopelessly overwritten with ridiculous descriptions, the longest winded possible ways of describing anything and three styles of dialogue: a grossly stilted formal to show how posh people are; an archaic style which includes lots of “o’er” which is damn unpronounceable and I don’t believe anyone has ever used in actual English, ever and then this terrible, awful fake street-tough-guy-wannabe-ghetto talk that is the Brotherhood’s trademark which is made only MORE ridiculous by the book opening with a Black character from the poor side of town complaining about a middle-class to rich White kid mimicking his way of talking to sound cool. Tell me that was an attempt at self-satire! Tell me! Because I can’t believe an author can be aware enough of this issue while writing 11 books of the Black Dagger Brotherhood’s dialogue!

Lost Girl, Season Three, Episode 11: Adventures in Fae-bysitting

Kenzi and Bo are watching a horror movie together and snarking about the tropes. They begin to discuss their romantic lives and Bo says that the break is just part of the Bo and Lauren journey.

Lisa gets a call from Tim and she is shocked to hear from him because he is supposed to be India.  Tim says that her  tank top shows just how much she has grown in the last year.  Lisa realises that she is being watched and when she turns around, there is a dead man hanging from the ceiling.  Lisa is then awakened by Mrs. Parker, so it seems that everything she experienced was just a dream, or was it?

Lisa then takes a flyer to Bo and Kenzi seeking to hire to them saying that this isn't the first time that something has happened in Shady Grove.  Bo tells Lisa that she  thinks they can help her. Kenzi pulls Bo aside and points out that Lisa had nothing to go on, but Bo replies that Lisa looks terrified.

Dyson is at the station and Anita asks to see him and says that The Ash sent her.  She tells him that a few weeks ago, she felt pain like she never felt before and that at the same time, she lost contact with her sister.  Anita says that her sister was traveling and usually checked in every couple weeks and has now she stopped. Dyson looks at a picture of what is clearly Anita's twin and she happens to be a woman Bo was accused of killing after sleeping with her.

Bo and Kenzi go to an open house and Susan, the real estate agent, asks if their husbands would be interested in the house.  Bo says that it will just be her and Kenzi and that she and her husband Lawrence are on a break.  Bo then quickly changes the subject and says that she is very concerned about safety.  Susan then admits that the person who used to own the house - Jake Thatcher, disappeared and left all of his furniture and a substantial collection of lingerie magazines behind.  Kenzi notices a man looking in the window and learns that his name is Sam and that he lost his wife.  Susan then gets a call from Caroline, the wife of Will and says that she has another appointment and that Bo and Kenzi should look around, then lock up when they're finished. Bo sees this as proof that Lisa might be onto something and suggests that they get to know the neighbours.

Kenzi and Bo peep into the window of a house and they start to hear screaming.  Bo pulls out a knife and she and Kenzi enter the house, only to find a very loud book clubs. Kenzi quips, "please tell me you're reading 50 Shades of Grey.  Bo apologies saying that her old neighbourhood was a little rough and they heard screaming.  Caroline offers them a drink and Bo and Kenzi take a seat.  When Bo notices the statues, Caroline tells them that her husband brings her back fabulous things from his trips.  The women then start a very annoying round of gossip. They chat briefly about creepy Sam and then Caroline invites Bo and Kenzi to her barbecue.  Bo says that she is going to stay around the neighbourhood and see if she can talk to Lisa and Kenzi heads off to see if she can find more information on Sam.

Bo overhears Caroline and Ellie chatting about the possibility of Ellie getting away. Caroline tells Ellie that she is not going to break up their little club and that they need her.  Ellie asks about Sam but Caroline tells her that they are not going to worry.

Issac is chatting up Lauren and is offering her a job. Lauren says that she already has a job at Ash Pharmaceuticals but Issac is not swayed.  He says that  Ash Pharmaceuticals is so small that he has never even heard of them and that she is not a mole but a risk taker and an innovator. Lauren then shows Issac the door.

Bo and Lisa are talking and she asks about Sam and Lisa replies that she babysits for him twice a week. Bo says that this has to stop because she believes that Sam is dangerous.  They stop walking when they see a carousel in an open area. Bo stares and when she turns around, Lisa is gone.

Kenzi has gone to see Trick and she makes it clear that she is not impressed with suburbia.  Trick tells her that Lisa is a Duppy - a fae spirit that lives in the earth. Apparently, Lisa was reported missing one hundred years ago and she's dead. Trick adds that Duppy's have a very specific calling. Back in the burbs, Bo walks in on Lisa standing over a dead body holding a knife.  Lisa says, "I've done as asked and then the body disappears.

Bo, Kenzi and Trick are standing over top of Lisa. Trick says that Lisa is essentially an empty vessel who can be invoked every 100 years.  Bo replies that she is an empty vessel who cared enough to come to them. Bo hopes that when Lisa wakes up, she can tell them who is doing this but Trick says that Duppy's blackout after each kill and that she won't remember a thing. Trick adds that if Sam is invoking Lisa to kill people that they need proof.

Lisa wakes and Bo tells her that she is in a safe place.  When Lisa asks what happened, Kenzi takes her into the bar and tells her that she kills people and is dead. Lisa says that she is supposed to grow up, be a doctor and help people.  Kenzi tries to assure her and says that she is fae and maybe she can learn to control it like Bo. Kenzi tells her that Bo is going to Caroline's bbq to get some information but Lisa says that she is supposed to babysit Ethan. Kenzi is not worried when Lisa mentions that Ethan is high maintenance because she fought the Garuda.

Kenzi is now watching Ethan and Lisa is right, he's beyond high maintenance. Ethan throws the cheese sandwich that Kenzi made him against the wall. Kenzi says that she slaved over a hot microwave making his supper.  When Ethan is still unreasonable, Kenzi threatens him with Goblins. Ethan is still resistant, so Kenzi offers to make him a new sandwich and he yells that he wants Lisa and that she smells like gasoline. When Ethan takes off in a fit, Kenzi picks up a book and finds a list of names and promptly calls Bo.

In the Flesh Season 1 Episode 3

Steve and Sue Walker are up late worrying about where Kieren is and what they should do. Calling for help could have him locked back in the centre – but what if he is hurt?

Kieren walks home  in the early morning twilight, while Rick and the HVF drive past him, the captured zombies in the back. When they arrive home, Bill is in a foul mood, snapping and snarling at Rick. He’s furious with Rick for siding with the “Rotter” and ignoring him. He tells Rick the Walker lad – Kieren – has to go and Rick has to do it.

Phil wakes up – next to Manic Pixie Dream Zombie, half dressed with definite morning after overtones. He panics at the idea of people knowing he slept with Amy the hell he’d have to pay – and Amy turns it round, saying she doesn’t want anyone to know she slept with someone like him. he tells her to keep her mouth shut, he’d but strung up if people knew he slept with a “Rotter”

It’s another strong parallel, many marginalised people are considered good enough to sleep with, but the privileged people – or closeted people – can still maintain the contempt and fear of their sex partners and not only want to keep it hidden but express their derision in doing so.

On the way out, Phil runs into his mother, Shirley, and both make up lies for why they’re there.

The two extra-hunters, Gary and Dean (whose name I keep forgetting and I hereby dub Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum) go to the cage they have for zombies (an old basketball court) and Dum gets locked inside for “quarantine” after he was bitten last week. But probably more to do with Dean saying he fancied Gary’s wife.

As Kieren walks home, he reaches the super market – it looks like the same supermarket we see in his flashbacks to when he ate his last victim. He goes inside, his concealer is fading and one of his contacts is missing. Everyone stares at him as he remembers Lisa’s last moments. Only this time we see more, not only do we see Lisa die but the girl she was talking to on the Walkie Talkie arrives, killing zombies – it’s Jem and she finds Kieren bent over Lisa’s corpse, eating her brains. Back in the present, Kieren retreats out of the shop and goes home where his parents have fallen asleep on the sofa waiting for him.

He goes upstairs into Jem’s bedroom where she’s still asleep, having a nightmare. She awakes in shock with him in the room (his lack of concealer and missing contact probebaly doesn’t help) and points a gun at him. He tells her eh gets flashbacks of his memory returning and says she was there when Lisa was killed. She corrects him – Lisa wasn’t killed, Kieren killed her – Kieren changes what he said to “I killed her.” She waits for him to make excuses but he doesn’t – he killed her and he feels awful and guilty for it. He says he would have done anything to stop it – and Jem asks if he thinks she’s a coward since she could have stopped it. Jem has her own guilt – she told everyone, including Lisa’s parents, that she ran out of bullets. But she couldn’t shoot her own brother. Kieren says he’s going to Lisa’s parents to try and bring them some peace – and Jem asks him to wait for her

And this scene with its excellent acting hereby takes the prize for most plucked heartstrings, ever.

At the Masey household, Bill is coaching Rick on how to kill Kieren – making it look like Kieren was the attacker. He continues to talk about the PDS as if Rick isn’t one of them. He wants Rick to kill him, today and calls Kieren an animal, a monster, while Janet (Bill’s wife, Rick’s mother) overhears everything getting more worried. And then he runs out of ciggies and Rick volunteers to go get some – secretly collecting change off his mother on the way out. Money for the phone box.

Game of Thrones Season 3, Episode 1 : Valar Dohaeris

It’s back! It’s back! It feels like forever! In fact it’s so long that even my memory is creaking trying to remember the gazillion and three names! Which is why I love that HBO have given us these nifty guides, which are most nifty indeed.

Sam, Mormount and the Nights Watch

It’s bloody cold! He runs through the driving snow and wind until he finds one of his fellow night’s watch – beheaded and frozen. And behind him approaches one of the undead, all skeletal and not cold, with a great big axe. It swings the axe at Sam – and a giant white wolf (I assume Ghost) leaps on the undead, knocking it down. Even with a wolf nibbling on it, the undead still tries to reach for Sam –until it is set on fire. Courtesy of Mormount who has a large number of men with him. Not overly impressed with Sam’s snivelling, he asks if Sam sent the ravens. He’s even less impressed that Sam didn’t – since it was his only job. They have to march back to the Wall to warn everyone, or everyone will die.

Jon Snow, Ygritte and the Wildlings

It’s bloody cold here as well, their group approaches a vast Wildling camp – in which Jon the Pouty stands dumbstruck to see his first giant – he’s a big guy. Ygritte is amused by his shock. The gathered people are not happy with Jon’s presence and throw things at him for being a member of the Night’s Watch and Ygritte continues her taunting commentary as they lead him to Mance Rayder, the King beyond the wall.

inside Mance’s tent, Ygritte tells the men gathered – including one tall man regarded with respect, that Jon killed Qhorin Halfhand and wants to join them. The big man is impressed and surprised that he killed Qhorin. Jon gives the man his name – and kneels and calls the man “your grace” much to the amusement of everyone in the room. A less impressive looking man from the side of the room walks forwards and tells Jon to stand – they don’t kneel beyond the wall. He tells the Lord of Bones and Ygritte to leave him with Jon. This is the real Mance and the man he knelt to was Tormen Giantsbane (more names to remember!) Lots of questioning follows in which Mance tries to learn why Jon Snow wants to join the Wildlings and Jon tells of seeing what took Crastor’s child in the woods, one of them. This inspires Jon to join the Wildlings because the lord Commander already knew – and didn’t act – and he wants to battle the White Walkers, to fight for the living.

Kings Landing: lots of people!

Game of thrones has been on for a full 10 minutes so it’s about time we saw some breasts! Ah yes, it wouldn’t be Game of thrones without endless numbers of gratuitous female nudity, alas. Bron is enjoying himself with a prostitute (of course! Is 80% of Game of Throne’s female population prostitutes?) and is interrupted by a messenger who summons him to see Tyrion.

Tyrion himself is examining his new scar when Cersei comes to visit. He looks through the peephole and sees she’s brought 2 guards with her who he’s not willing to let in. She points out if she wanted to kill him a wooden door wouldn’t really stop her. He lets her in and the sparring begins, she commenting on how her father saved them (him a little bitter because his incredible role in saving the city has been overlooked) and her making a snide remark about how small his new room is and how he doesn’t need much room; he counters that he wasn’t attacked by rebels and how she makes the same joke as the Grand Maester. She’s there to ask why Tyrion is going to see their father and Tyrion talks about how he has been laying there, his face split in half and not once had Tywin come to visit him (there’s a wonderful semi-sarcastic remark for how his father cares for him, which is both sarcastic and cynical but also sad and rueful, it’s really well done). Cersei cares because she thinks Tyrion may slander her as he has before. And by slander, she means “tell the truth about what a horrible person I am”. Tyrion points out it’s not slander if it’s true, she counters with “you’re a clever man but not half as clever as you think you are” to which the rejoinder is “still makes me more clever than you.” Give it up Cersei, bandying words with Tyrion never ever ever works. Having been well and truly served, Cersei leaves, just in time to stop Bron cutting a hole through her guards to get to Tyrion.

Podcast reschedule

Due to technical difficulties we were unable to hold our usual show yesterday - we're rescheduling the show for tonight:

Our podcast will broadcast tonight at 6:30pm EST (11:30pm BST)

As ever, our books of the week are:

25th March-1st April: The Struggle by L.J. Smith

1st April - 8th April: Etiquette and Espionage by Gail Carriger

8th April - 15th April: The Queen is Dead by Kate Locke

15th April - 22nd April: The Stepsister Scheme by Jim C Hines

22nd April - 29th April: First Grave on the Right by Darynda Jones

29th April - 6th May: Darkfever by Karen Marie Moning

6th May - 13th May: Dead Ever After by Charlaine Harris

After tonight we will return to our normal schedule - Monday at 6:30pm EST. Technology allowing

The Struggle (Vampire Diaries #2) by L.J. Smith

Stefan is missing and Elena thinks Damon is responsible – for both the missing Damon and the bodies that are starting to pile up messily around town, making the place untidy. Unfortunately, much of the rest of the town is focused on Stefan as the culprit and he has too many secrets to be put under such close scrutiny

And Elena’s own rising star is dimming with her association with a suspected murderer. Once Queen of the school, Elena is rapidly becoming a pariah and even her own family are doubtful of her ongoing relationship and wish she would end it. This newfound unpopularity just hands mean girl Caroline more ammunition with which to attack Elena.

Behind it all, there’s Damon – who is disturbingly interested in Elena and keeps appearing at random moments with a declared goal of having her – even if he has to hurt her loved ones to achieve it.

In the last book I found Elena annoying. In fact, I found her intolerable to an unbelievable degree. She was incredibly selfish, utterly self-absorbed and the way she treated the people around her was beyond contempt. I wanted very much to give Bonnie and Meredith large wet fish and encourage them to take it in turns slapping Elena around the face with them.

In this book it’s not quite as much. Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s still bad. Elena is self-absorbed, incredibly selfish, treats her friends like servants, has incredible, disproportionate tantrums and epic woe-is-me sessions; but it’s not longer to an UNBELIEVABLE degree. It is to an epic degree – but it’s no longer at a level that is inconceivable for a teenager to adopt. Her behaviour is potentially real and human

Of course, not all teenagers are like this, not even close. And, if I didn’t know better, I’d put Elena down as a teenager of 14-15 by her behaviour and viewpoint rather than 17. But Elena is now a realistically possible, albeit immature, 17 year old character who we have probably all met before or something close to it, she’s not the mutant hellbeast of raging selfishness. So that’s a step up.

But I’m left with 4 issues on this.

Firstly, if she is a, rather immature, 17 year old then why, in the name of all that is sensible, are Robert and Judith encouraging her to date the college student who was polite to her at dinner one time? I get that this is the convoluted foreshadowing of the love triangle and an attempt to create conflict for Elena’s tantrums by having her guardians be so against Stefan – but they can be against the guy they suspect of murder without deciding their 17 year old niece needs to be dating college students.

The Walking Dead Season 3, Episode 16: Welcome to the Tombs

Philip is beating up Milton for releasing the walkers and says because of his actions 8 men died. Philip says that he knew these men and that they kept him safe but Milton points out that it was predicated on him looking the other way.  Philip tells Milton that it can't be like that anymore and that "you kill or you die."  Milton asks Philip what his daughter would think about what he is and Philip replies that she would be afraid of him and if he had been like that from the start that Penny would be alive today.  Milton asks if Andrea is still alive and Philip brings Milton to her. She tells Philip that he doesn't have to loose anymore men but Philip says that he is going to kill all her friends at the prison.  He then instructs Milton to get the tools and Milton drops them on the ground but leaves one behind for Andrea. When Milton goes to leave the room, Philip stops him and orders him to kill Andrea, to prove that he has learned something.  Milton moves towards Andrea and turns suddenly and tries to stab The Governor  but fails and gets stabbed instead.  Philip tells him that  now he is going to die and then tear the flesh from Andrea's bones. "In this life you kill or you die or you die and you kill."

In the prison, Carl pauses to look at the picture of him and his parents before packing up his bag and then heads outside. Rick reaches to take the bag from Carl and he pulls away.  Glenn approaches Rick and says that he has never seen Carl this mad, even with Lori and Rick replies that he's still a kid and that it's easy to forget that.  Rick goes to have one last look at the prison and Michonne tells him that he had to think about the deal the governor offered them. Rick apologizes saying that he came real close.  Michonne answers that she never thanked him for taking her in and Rick admits that he wouldn't have if she didn't have the baby formula.  Michonne points out that he could have just taken the formula and Rick responds that it was Carl who made the call and that he said she belonged there.

Back at Woodbury, the governor is attempting to rial up the citizens for an attack on the prison. Tyreese tops him and says that they are going to have to count them out and that he and Sasha will fight against the biters but not other people. Tyreese offers to stay there and defend the children and adds that when Philip returns, if he wants them gone, then no hard feelings. Philip grabs a gun and hands it to Tyreese saying thank you before walking off.

When the residents of Woodbury get to the prison, they start shooting all of the zombies out front and even blow up the watchtower.  They drive through the gates and get no response, but still push forward into the prison.

Back at Woodbury, Milton is dying on the floor and tells Andrea about the pliers he left on the ground for her. Andrea says that she is going to get them both out of there but Milton replies that when Andrea gets free, she is going to find something very sharp and then stab him in the head.

They're continuing to investigate the inside of the prison and Philip calls for silence when he hears something. At Woodbury, Sasha and Tyreese are continuing to watch the children.  Sasha wonders what is going to happen when they return and Tyreese points out that Andrea got out.  Sasha suggests that if Andrea is at the prison, it didn't do her any good.  Andrea has finally reached out for the tool, and pauses when she thinks Milton is dead.  He opens his eyes and asks why she stayed, when she found her friends were out there. Andrea replies that she wanted to save everyone, including Philip for awhile and admits that she had a chance to kill but tried to stop it another way because she didn't want anyone to die. Milton says that he is still there and still alive but he encourages her to hurry.

Inside the prison, flashbombs go off causing panic and the Governor orders the people to stand their ground.  When they run outside the shooting starts, as Carl and Hershel watch from the woods. The people from Woodbury beat a hasty retreat and one of them goes running through the woods.  Hershel tells him to drop the weapon, but before he can comply, Carl shoots him.

Now that they have the prison back, they begin debate whether this is really the end, or if they should take the fight back to Woodbury.  Carl comes back with Hershel and Beth.  Carl tells Rick that he took out one of the Governor's soldiers but Hershel says it was just a kid running away and that the kid was handing his gun over.  Rick defends Carl and says that it was in defense. Hershel replies that he was there and that Carl gunned that kid down.