Da Vinci's Demons Season 1, Episode 5: The Tower

Leo starts off in a dream of his childhood, again in the cave with the lost sheep seeing bodies and dangling people and strange carvings. While apparently disturbing, it’s not nearly so much as waking up in the prison, where he has been locked up for sodomy with lots of other prisoners making gay jokes. Leo notices the solitary confinement cell where the bat’s nest so presumably that will be relevant later or he wouldn’t draw such excessive attention to it (they could do what they do on computer games and make the clues sparkle)

Lorenzo is hosting some important guests – King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain (well, we can simplify it down to “Spain” since she is Queen of Castile and he is King of Aragon, Navarre and several others) who are looking for someone to be their bankers. Lorenzo gives Ferdinand a tour of the business who notes that Rome doesn’t bank with them any more and makes a snarky references to Leonardo, but Lorenzo focuses on business –and how much the Pope has defaulted on what they owe the Medicis.

And Clarice gives Isabella a tour of all the holy artwork that Florence supports – which Father Torquemada and Isabella do not approve of since the statues are NAKED! The lewdness!

Back in the prison Leo picks a fight and gets himself locked in solitary, the naughty boy – with the bats and their crap. Literally. And daddy dearest and his advocate, Pierro pays a visit. He pushes Leo to plead guilty and hopefully escape castration, Leo yells (no surprise) and refuses any pleas or bargains. He is accused of sodomising Jacobo Salterelli and Leo says the man is no victim. Pierro tries to dig up several defences which Leo rejects or ignores and rants that he hasn’t be brought the specific plant for dinner he asked for – until he finds it. His instability seems more apparent.  When pushed about the plants by the jailor he begins a lecture on bat’s echolocation and how these plants rely on bats for pollenating and echo more than the average leaf – with some added CGI for funsies.  He uses the leaf to attract the bat and Pierro hits on insanity as a defence in light of Leo’s ramblings

Clarice and Lorenzo discuss their visitors, Lorenzo disparaging Isabella’s tastes but reflecting that without the Rome’s accounts, they need Spain. Clarice considers the difficulties the Spanish are having at home with their wars and suggests entertainment, a distraction – and to set Guiliano on it, a grand theatrical performance. Oh that doesn’t sound like a great idea. Lorenzo has as little faith in his brother as I do.

The court session begins and the plotting Pazzi is the prosecutor, much to Pierro’s annoyance. But he causes a stir by telling the court he will contest all the charges. Leo makes an opening statement about his study of nature, having nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to defend and he condemns the political motives behind the accusation. It’s a defence that doesn’t expressly deny the charges. In the audience Vanessa snarks to Zoroaster that she can vouch for him though he

Hemlock Grove - So Many Problems

Hemlock Grove is the new webseries produced by Netflix; the second series Netflix has produced in this fashion. Despite low expectations, Netflix’s previous webseries, was surprisingly decent - greatly raising the bar for Hemlock Grove. We tuned in hoping for something really good.

We were disappointed. So, very very disappointed.

There is so much to complain about regarding this show that we envisioned a full series of posts on the myriad fails but, being a webseries, they would quickly become irrelevant unless the worst should happen and a second season actually be produced (gods preserve us). So we’re left with one post on the many reasons this show became only slightly more amusing than stabbing vinegar soaked toothpicks into our eyes.

We are a social justice site, and there are many social justice fails we can - and will - attack. But even before we get to them, Hemlock Grove was impressively awful even if it had perfect social justice credentials.

The acting was wooden, melodramatic and just plain awful. I rarely attack actors directly, but Bill Skarsgard has talented family, you’d think his father or brothers would give him some pointers.

The world building was clumsy as hell, with all kinds of myriad creatures introduced that are utterly irrelevant until the very last episode. Letha’s angel-pregnancy, the whole Upir family, the medical experiments, Shelly - all of it pretty irrelevant but the whole show is full of them. 

And the story is so badly written - it’s clogged with irrelevancies that make no sense and add nothing - why did we have the man who saw visions? What did he add to the story? Roman and Peter’s shared dreams - was there actually a point to this or did I zone out waiting for the actors to actually convey some emotion? And how come this entire damn town is quite willing to believe that Peter is a WEREWOLF but absolutely no-one bats an eye at Roman mind controlling random people for funsies? I know Peter’s never had a friend but within minutes of knowing Roman he’s inviting him to come witness his change? Even the defeat of the big bad - Peter and Roman spend all series plotting against the Vargwolf and then a random third party, randomly appears and handles it with minimal effort?!

Lover at Last (Black Dagger Brotherhood #11) by J R Ward

I am trying to write a summary that I normally preface every review with and my brain decided to inflict narcolepsy on me at the very idea. Why?

Well, I’ve shaken this book, looked around the edges, skimmed through it again, double checked, skimmed through it the other way in case there’s a secret code – I’ve even put on my Enigma Brain and looked for some kind of secret code.

But no, despite being over 500 interminably boring pages long, there is no plot in this book. None, none at all. There are random events but nothing actually happens, not one damn relevant thing. Let me sum up the gazillion unnecessary storylines in this 590+ page book.

Blay & Qhuinn:  Angst! Convoluted reason why we can’t be together! Angst some more! And some more! Ridiculous misunderstanding that drives us apart! OMG MORE AAAAANGST! And secrecy and ANGST!

Xcor and the Band of Bastards: RAWR. Well, growl anyway. More biding our time. Which is code for doing nothing – except stalking Layla in a tragic romantic fashion that’s totally not creepy honest

Layla: I’m pregnant with the baby Qhuinn and I randomly wanted out of the blue without any forethought! Yay! No I’m not, ANGST!  Yes I am, YAY! Oh and still fixated on violent, vicious traitor with no redeeming features – this is romantic and not a sign that I need a serious intervention or a slap upside the head!

The Lessers: Rawr! Actually, no; rawr suggests we’re doing stuff. We’re kind of hanging around being evil. Go Evil! Still evil!

Sola: Hi, I’m a completely new character dropped in because even the teeny tiny side characters you don’t give a damn about simply must have a love interest! Assail looked at me and I am now smitten for life and completely ruined for other men. Despite my utter pointlessness, you get to spend several pages in my POV! Funsies! Seriously, a ride around in Wrath’s dog’s head would be more interesting and relevant.

Luchas, Qhuinn’s brother is alive and stuff! Yay… I guess? Was there a reason I was supposed to care about this guy?

Assail: remember me? Probably not because I’m a completely unnecessary side character and little more than a clone of Rehvenge anyway. I’m here for no damn good reason and no-one should care about me but I’m apparently important, who knows why. I have a love interest now – let the creepy stalking and threats commence! Yay romance!

Trez & iAm: Hey you finally get to learn about the Shadows and our culture, who we are and what we’re doing! Hah, just kidding! No Trez is a sex addict who is running away from an arranged marriage, deals with that by sleeping with every other woman in the city, possibly the state and is now fixating on yet another woman as his one and only twu lub forever after glancing at her once, from a distance. Ho-hum. Creepy stalking and angst will, no doubt, commence in the next book.

I think that about covers everything. Wrath is the king and being kingly, the glymeria are still pointlessly wasting their time plotting pointlessly about pointless things. There’s some random fight scenes for the sake of fighting and we get an eternally long sequence of Quinn flying a plane because funsies (and I am resisting the urge to say something about motherfucking vampires on a plane, I hope you realise this)!

Which covers most of the book – nothing actually happening, all the plots kind of drifting in the breeze, the Brotherhood serving more as comic relief than as any actual warriors and all delivered with JR Ward’s… signature writing style. Hopelessly overwritten with ridiculous descriptions, the longest winded possible ways of describing anything and three styles of dialogue: a grossly stilted formal to show how posh people are; an archaic style which includes lots of “o’er” which is damn unpronounceable and I don’t believe anyone has ever used in actual English, ever and then this terrible, awful fake street-tough-guy-wannabe-ghetto talk that is the Brotherhood’s trademark which is made only MORE ridiculous by the book opening with a Black character from the poor side of town complaining about a middle-class to rich White kid mimicking his way of talking to sound cool. Tell me that was an attempt at self-satire! Tell me! Because I can’t believe an author can be aware enough of this issue while writing 11 books of the Black Dagger Brotherhood’s dialogue!

Out by Laura Preble

I was extremely wary about picking up this book. I have yet to read a discrimiflip novel that worked and didn’t end up being really appropriative and offensive. I find it doubtful they can work due to the inherent nature of making minorities the evil perpetrators of the very crimes committed against them. Still, I’m told it is possible, people assured me it was possible, so I picked up this book when it was released to see if it actually managed it.

So we have the story of Chris. A straight boy living in a world where, it seems, just about everyone is gay. Being straight is considered sick and wrong, condemned by both the church and the state (which are closely entwined). He tries to navigate this discrimination, as the son of a minister, and try to find freedom with the woman he loves.

And no, this discrimiflip did not manage it. Not even close. In fact, I’m sorely tempted to put a trigger warning for homophobia simply for having to discuss the contents of this book.

The author has appropriated every aspect of homophobic oppression imaginable. We have child bullying, we have demeaning dehumanisation from the pulpit, we have a horrific description of conversion therapy, we have chemical castration; we even have concentration camps, actual concentration camps.

All of these are extreme examples of oppression that have constantly been used to persecute and destroy gay people and they’re all used in this book – often graphically – but flipped. The victims of this torture and even this genocide are now made the villains. Those who inflicted them are now the victims. It is unbelievably offensive and enraging to see these despicable crimes that were – and continue to be – inflicted on gay people depicted with gay people as the perpetrators and straight people as the innocent victims. Even some of the basic language of anti-gay oppression have been callously appropriated by this straight author: we even have straight people being called “queer”. The book's even called "Out"! There really is no limits to the appropriation in this book and the extent to which gay people are presented as inflicting exactly the same cruel persecutions that, in reality, gay people have endured and died from.

To take the history of gay persecution, to take all of these horrendous things that have been used to victimise gay people and then mangle them to make gay people the villains makes me choke with rage. I have no words to describe how offensive this is. I had to stop reading several times because the book was so painfully offensive to read I couldn't keep going

The actual depiction of someone living with a closeted sexuality is also ridiculously shallow, especially for a young person. Chris finds out he likes a girl (note: A girl. Not girls. Just the one twu luv that follows the endlessly dull love at first sight meme that I’d complain more about if it weren’t such a tiny problem compared to the gross offensiveness of this book), it’s a shocking discovery. Within the hour he seeks out his friend to tell her. No, really.

In this society where being straight is illegal and demonised universally from birth, he couldn’t even keep it a secret for an hour. In fact, he goes home and his sister – in this ultra gay-normative society – already knows he’s straight! She even has some subversive literature for him! Yes, within a day of realising he’s straight, he already has a support net in this overwhelmingly gay world where heterosexuality is constantly demonised from the highest echelons of government. As an extra bonus, he meets Carmen, his love interest and she tells him she is straight in their first ever conversation, in a public café no less. They’re complete strangers, straight people are tortured and killed with the full blessing of the theocratic government but she’s going to spill her secret. I boggle how it can even be called a secret if 5 minutes acquaintance are sufficient for the big reveal.

American Horror Story, Season 2, Episode 9: The Coathanger

It’s the present for once and we open with a man, Johnny, speaking to a hypnotherapist, Dr Gardner, to get her help to curb impulses. His impulses? He skinned a cat as a child, then escalated to killing animals which he points our are predictors for psychopaths (serial killers more accurately) and those thoughts are getting harder to ignore. She becomes ever more uncomfortable as he talks about his roots – finding his real father (he now lives in his real father’s house) and his urge to hurt women and skin them. We flash to him as Bloody Face – modern Bloody Face – trying to skin Teresa at Briarcliff, but he’s not nearly as skilled as his father, Threadson. And he wants to go to medical school to learn his father’s skills.

Back to the past where in Briarcliff, Sister Demon Lettuce is upbraiding nuns for entering her office without knocking (aww, she’s all grown up). Even Lana comments on her “Jude imitation.” And Sister Demon Lettuce reveals that Lana is pregnant – and comments on a “drano margarita” to induce an abortion and calls her rape a lie (possibly because they have Threadson captured, Lana pretends she hallucinated).

Yes, Lana is pregnant. Who didn’t see this coming?

Lana declares that she can’t have this baby, she doesn’t want the baby but Sister Demon Lettuce says she can and will (and it’s an insane asylum, people hump like bunnies and they’ve had unwed mothers before… she has a way with words you have to admit) and the babies are taken to St Ursula’s home for lost children. Lana says she’s worse than Jude and Demon Lettuce threatens to restrain her.

Jude wakes up tied to a bed with the Monsignor standing over her telling her she’s become unhinged and paranoid. We see the process used to frame her with the Monsignor, Arden, Demon Lettuce and Leigh (yes, he survived) all conspiring against her to frame her for the death of Frank and accuse her of kidnapping and attacking Leigh. Even the Mother Superior testifies that Jude thought Sister Demon Lettuce was possessed by the devil. The magistrate ruled that Jude would spend the rest of her days in Briarcliff and she is stripped of her clerical status.

Mosignor and Demon Lettuce pack up Jude’s things – including her red camisole. And Demon lettuce reveals she knows all about Monsignor’s extreme ambition to become pope and offers her own service to the Monsignor to help him save souls.

Jude finds the nuns are no kinder to her than any other inmate - perhaps even harsher since she used to be the harsh taskmistress. Monsignor arrives with a visitor for her – Leigh. Oh I bet she’s thrilled. He has something to say which Monsignor thinks will help. He tells her he forgives her.

Jude is not amused and flashbacks to 1963 when they restrained Frank to his bed after he raped another nun (enough with the damn rape! And no, “Sister Chastity” being the victim is not ironic or funny or edgy, damn it). Leigh claims she has to forgive him, she says she doesn’t, she’s not a priest and he’s not a penitent. Back tied to her bed, Jude is not impressed.

Lana smuggles a wire coathanger to her room which she unfolds and goes to see Kit who is busy syphoning off his drip so he’s less loopy. Lana wants to kill Threadson again, but Kit still needs his confession.  Lana has an idea of how to make that happen.

Time to go see Threadson and show him her pregnancy results (“the ultimate cosmic joke”). He begs her not to give the baby up for adoption – since he himself was a child of the system. Lana holds up her wire coathanger – her “creative” abortion since she’s stuck there. Threadson starts begging and promising to change (imagine how little Lana believes that). She tells him how much she doesn’t believe him then begins asking about his victims, each one and why he chose them, getting confessions from him. All recorded by Kit. She does tell him that she was pregnant though – but she’d already given herself an abortion with the coathanger.  He calls her a monster for killing “an innocent child”, Lana’s not having it and tells him she’s going to get a knife from the bakery and slit his throat.

Arden, after his close encounter of the noisy kind, returns to the death chute to try and find Grace’s disappearing body and finds… footprints. If feet were odd and two toed. Actually they look vaguely like dinosaur footprints from Jurassic Park – NB: American Horror Story this is NOT A SUGGESTION! Aliens and demons are quite enough thank you.

Kit, going to hide the tape recorder, runs into Arden who insists he join the doctor in his office for some 18 year old single malt. Yes, even Kit, not the brightest spark, think this is a little unusual. Why? Because he’s seen the aliens and even taken a cast of their odd two toed footprints. Arden has a hypothesis – the aliens took Alma, Kit’s wife, after they had sex and took Grace after she had sex with Kit as well; they’re experimenting Arden guesses Eugenics (course he does). He has a great plan to bring the aliens back: bring Kit to the brink of death and the aliens will swoop in to the rescuetheir prime subject. And he’d prefer Kit to co-operate. For the sake of seeing Alma again, Kit agrees

Cover Posing for a Good Cause

Photo © Denise Leigh

We’ve often mocked the ridiculous positions various Urban Fantasy covers require heroines to twist themselves into

But sometimes visual displays are best. Jim C Hines is not only repeating his previous awesome posing but is now also doing it for charity and challenging other Urban Fantasy authors to do the same.

Go, donate it’s a wonderful cause.

And in doing so get to see Jim and others perfectly mock some of these ridiculous poses – including some we’ve mocked ourselves.

Check out the current samples already. One. And Two.

American Horror Story, Season 2, Episode 4: I am Anne Frank: Part 1

 

Anne Frank? Really? You’re going there American Horror Story?

There’s a new patient in Briarcliff – she has no identification and wouldn’t talk to the police who found her so they dropped her at the asylum “involuntary psychiatric hold” since it cuts down on the paperwork. Sister Jude goes to interview her new patient and we learned she reacted vehemently in response to an anti-Semitic remark. The woman points out they made an offensive joke – and it is through these dehumanising jokes that persecution starts. Sister Jude asks if she’d lost anyone in the war – and she starts whistling.

And poor Shelley is still in Dr. Arden’s… “care” being experimented on. He’s been a busy bee, has Arden, as Kit tells Grace Arden’s been looking for the little 6 legged chip in his body again. Grace gives him her “I totally believe you honest” rely but we hear her story – because it’s important to them to have their story known and believed in a building full of people who doubt them and think them insane. It seems she heard a commotion at night and went to explore a room newly decorated in streaks of blood red – and a man chopping her father into pieces with an axe. She ran from him –into a closet filled with pieces of her step-mother. The next day, her sister accused her of murdering them, she was the axe-murderer’s lover and they wanted the farm. They framed Grace for the murder.

Dr. Oliver interviews Lana about where she went during the film – but she knows better than to answer. He says she doesn’t belong in the asylum since she isn’t a danger to anyone but Lana is scornful – she points out that the psychiatric profession considers her sick, diseased for being a lesbian. Dr. Oliver offers to help her – if she can convince them he has cured her they have to release her. Lana, visibly restraining anger, tells the Doctor she has been a lesbian for as long as she can remember – there is no cure. But he’s only there for a week and he may be her only ticket out of there.

To the common room (AAAAAARGH that damn nun song is playing again?! You make me listen to that on a permanent loop, I’d be a danger to myself and others) and  the new patient is writing a letter to someone called Kitty in which she refers to how they didn’t give up in Amsterdam and how everyone around her – crazy and diseased – is resigned to die. Lana approaches her and warns her about writing. She offers friendship but is rebuffed – this is when Dr. Arden enters the room. She says he was there in Auschwitz – and attacks him, calling him a Nazi. She says her name is Anne Frank.

Sister Jude interviews Anne, clearly thinking that she is delusional. Anne tells her story – she survived the camps but was thought dead due to the sheer number of bodies. She explains why she’s in the US and why she kept silent - her book would be more impactful and teach more people about the atrocities of the holocaust if she remained a martyred, 15 year old girl. Sister Jude calls her story “indecent” (which is the LEAST of the words I have for this storyline) and Anne calls Jude indecent since she has a war criminal working for her. She tells Jude that Arden was a doctor in Auschwitz called Groper who experimented on the inmates. Jude doubts her – and Anne shows the tattooed number on her arm.

Dr. Oliver is having another ethical dilemma – he doesn’t think Kit is insane, but nor does he think he’s evil. He thinks Kit did the murders because society forced him to and then succumbed to a delusion to deny doing something so against his character. He says he’s willing to lie for Kit – so long as Kit is willing to face the truth. The “truth” that Kit killed women and skinned and decapitated them, removing them of signs of race and identity, the things society was punishing Alma, his Black wife for – and later he turned on his wife in bottled up rage (including a brutal depiction of Alma’s murder which is so far from what we’ve seen in their relationship and was beyond gratuitous). Wait, didn’t Dr. Oliver tell Lana last week she didn’t think Kit did it?

Review of Save the Pearls Part 1 of Revealing Eden by Victoria Foyt

We normally put  a cover of the book at the beginning of every review, but I think that the following video better illustrates this book.



As you can see, Eden Newman, the protagonist is a White woman who wears blackface.  Eden does ths because from a  post apocalyptic earth, where Pearls (read: white people) are oppressed by Coals (read: blacks). Because of the higher levels of melanin, Coals were better able to survive the harmful suns rays.

Of course, the dark races got The Heat too, but not nearly as often.  The higher amounts of melanin in their skin protected them from the sun's radiation.  Since their numbers hadn't been decimated in the Great Meltdown, as the other races had, they now ruled the planet. [page 14]

I cannot begin to tell you how horrifying the very concept of this book is.  How this White woman thought this role reversal would read as anything more than appropriation and racism is absolutely beyond me.

Foyt even goes as far as to include a scene where Pearls perform in White face.

"On the main stage a band of Coals performed in Whiteface. Eden's sensors told her their name: The Lost Caucasian Tribe. [page 40]

So it's not bad enough that we have a protagonist tromping through the majority of the book in Blackface and whining about the fact that she is White and no-one sees the real her, but Foyt decided to appropriate Blackface. In this scene, those performing weren't othered and it did not read as a minstrel show.  There was no historical meaning to this supposed whiteface and it only served as yet another reminder of Hoyt's racial ignorance.

Asians are referred to as Ambers, which essentially calls their skin colour yellow and is offensive. We are told on page 11 that Pearls is the racist name for Whites, yet this is the word that Foyt uses for the entire book to describe White people. They are also referred to as "earth-damned Pearl" and "White death." Suddenly this reversal of power means that there are  racial slurs which effect White people and futuristic or not, this flies in the face of human history. It is further troubling that though we are told that the term Pearl is indeed a slur, so is Coal.  This tells me that Foyt has no idea how a slur really works.  A dominant group is not effected by a slur and the fact that she chose to give slurs to every racial group, undermines the supposed superiority that Coals have. If Coals were the oppressive force that they are supposedly cast as, Coal would not be considered a slur, just as honky, gringo, cracker and paleface aren't slurs today.

The International Day Againt Homophobia and Transphobia isn't a Marketing Tool

 

Often in the writing blogosphere we see various forms of Blog Hops and blog tours and similar promotions to draw attention to authors, their books and let readers connect with authors who may interest them.

One upcoming blog hop is Hop against Homophobia

This is a blog hop of authors of the M/M genre. It allows writers in the m/m genre to gain attention to their M/M books and offer M/M prizes. The site itself explains its purpose:

the purpose is to get readers to a) see your name b) see your books and c) have the option to follow your blog to get to know you as an author and to be kept up to date about your future work.

And to start it off they’re going to set things rolling on the International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia

So, what is The International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia? Well, it’s pretty much exactly what it says. It is a day where we fight against the damage these bigotries do. It is a day when we look at the damage these bigotries do.

And let us never underestimate the power of this bigotry. There are still a horrendous number of countries out there where being GBLT is a crime. In some of them you will be tortured or executed. Others will imprison you for years and, of course, should you serve your sentence you face being returned to prison since, of course, people don’t stop being GBLT.

People are killed for being GBLT. People lose their jobs for being GBLT (often without any recourse in law). People lose their homes for being GBLT. People are denied any legal partnership rights for being GBLT, people are denied medical care for being GBLT, people are vilified and attacked and destroyed for being GBLT. People turn to drugs and alcohol because of anti-GBLT bigotry and countless GBLT people are driven to suicide every year by anti-GBLT bigotry.

In short, homophobia and transphobia are devastating forces out there and any campaign to battle them (Including this day) is vital and precious and very very important (though we can have debates about the effectiveness of individual days, that is a different discussion).

And these authors have decided to use this day to shill their books. They’re using this day about bigotry against GBLT people for marketing. Worse, not only are they appropriating this day for marketing, the actual purpose of the day they are using does not even remotely have to be involved

From the site itself:
- Talk about the International Day Against Homophobia in your May 17th blog entry (as little as just a mention – your choice).
--- Add the colorful Hop Against Homophobia image to your blog/website with a link to the official hop site:

There, you don’t have to actually do anything about homophobia or transphobia or talk about the day or what it actually aims for – don’t let silly things like that put you off. Don’t let the actual purpose of the day get in the way of your marketing. No, so long as you mention the name (all the better to appropriate it properly) and then you’ll get a giant anti-homophobia rainbow banner as well! Sure you don’t actually have to do anything about homophobia or transphobia, but you get the banner. I wonder if it comes with cookies?

Let me repeat this so we can be abundantly clear – no part of this blog hop requires acting or speaking against homophobia or transphobia, nor does it require being a GBLT member or ally (and no, being part of the M/M genre is not synonymous with allydom. Using us does not make you an ally, writing these books does not grant automatic status as a supporter - far from it). It is not about GBLT rights –it is about advertising, marketing and giving away free M/M stuff to attract more readers and followers

Betrayed by Morgan Rice, Book 3 of the Vampire Journals series

After the last book, Caitlin wakes up as a vampire half way through her change. But the world has no time to wait for her to adapt to her new state. The evil vampire Kyle has the Sword of power they had fought so hard for. With this sword he can take over the Blacktide coven and from there expand his war against all humanity and the benevolent vampires. Already, thousands of vampires rage through the plagued streets of New York.

Caleb cannot afford to wait for Caitlin and has to leave her with friends while he goes to try and protect his home and the White coven –but they cannot part on easy terms as Sera, Caleb’s ex-wife, is determined to drive a wedge between them.

While Caitlin learns to adapt to her new form while at the same time mastering her painful emotions over Caleb, Caleb is faced with the suicidal task of stopping the Blacktide Coven

Meanwhile, Sam, Caitlin’s brother  is still with Samantha, a vampire of the Blacktide Coven. Still trying to redeem herself from her failure, Samantha is forced to turn Sam into a vampire – and they both most work at surviving as members of the Blacktide Coven in less than good standing

I have to say that the writing of this book was such a barrier to any kind of enjoyment. People don’t speak, they have speeches – seriously, people can’t have a conversation they have to take it in terms to declaim several paragraphs at each other. It’s like a series of monologues. The writing itself is very very overwritten, exacerbated by Caitlin’s habit of having epicly long emotional  internal monologues that we are treated to constantly to a point where I either wish Caitlin would just go get drunk or I could. The writing is florid, purple and horribly over-written and this already short book could have been much much shorter if the excess description, excess “plot” points, the cumbersome dialogue and the endless emotional maundering were curbed.

And the characters? So much melodrama! So much angst!  The bad guy virtually twirls his moustache and ties young women to train tracks – he spreads plague! He cements his minion’s loyalty by making them kill their loved ones (is that supposed to work?). The good guys are so pure and noble – Caleb and Samuel are willing to sacrifice themselves like the noble good warriors they are! The staid leaders of the White Coven are so conservative and inactive they may as well be statues buried upside down so their heads are in the sand. New York is being ripped apart by the Blacktide Coven and their plan is to pretend it isn’t happening.

On Vampire High School (Pollopel Island, but, really Vampire Highschool is easier and sums up everything you need to know about the place without me having to describe it), where Caitlin goes to hang out we have a selection of non-entities who do nothing except love and adore Caitlin. Oh and Polly, who exists to provide pointlessly long exposition. Seriously, she’s like a walking Wikipedia that won’t shut up and is extra extra perky. She lives to info-dump.

Twilight Breaking Dawn, Part 1

Breaking Dawn Part I is the fourth movie in the Twilight juggernaut. This film was much anticipated due to the wedding of Bella and Edward and of course the honeymoon night.  For many twi fans, these scenes were the culmination of a romance.  Just as with any other wedding there was discussion about the dress and plenty of hype.  I believe that the directors felt that this hype was enough to carry the story however, this assumption proved to be incorrect as far as I am concerned.  Rather than advancing the plot, this movie was two hours of fan service.  

Like with every other Twilight film we had the savage native represented by the werewolves, and the every so whitesome and delightsome vampires, represented by the Cullens.  The other prominent messages were of course one must marry, even if said marriage is ill advised for various reasons, a pregnancy is gift no matter the risk to the mother and of course the ever popular imprinting as a cover for pedophilia.

Rosalie’s transformation in the books from dedicated hater of Bella for giving up her mortality to utter devoted servant to the fertile one was pretty unpleasant - and it was no more palatable in the film.. See, I think Roaslie’s dislike kind of had a point - it is fairly reasonable to be vexed by someone deciding to make a vast life decision at the age of 18, especially when that life decision involves nothing more than “I got me a maaaan, I don’t need anything else”. But with Bella’s pregnancy and Rosalie’s conversion to Bella fandom, it’s clear that all those life decisions and missed opportunities are meaningless in the face of the White saviour baby. This means that Rosalies dislike of Bella was really about “you haven’t had a baby and are giving up your fertility!” rather than giving up her life and mortality. So an 18 year old’s lost potential and choices basically comes down to fertility; her value and opportunity boils down to having a child. Blessed be the womb.

Of course, Rosalie has all her anti-choice card’s marked with her constant chanting “it’s a baby! Call it a baby!” The one vague bright spot (kind of like a rose on a midden heap) there was Alice resolutely refusing to accede to that and continue to call a foetus a foetus. In some ways, this is presented as Bella’s choice - but it’s all about Bella’s sacrifice; especially when we consider how extreme the situation is. The foetus is breaking Bella’s bones and starving her to death and there is literally no way she can survive giving birth without a desperate attempt to become a vampire, which they’re not even sure will work. Her survival is secondary to the foetus, the loss of her life, even as a near certainty, is considered less important and she is expendable. I think this is even more problematic when we consider how much time Bella spends devaluing herself, how low her self-esteem is, and how Rosalie  reduces all of Bella’s potential down to childbirth. Throughout these books and films, Bella’s existence is defined in relation to other people - she lives to be Edward’s girlfriend (she almost literally stops existing when he leaves) and to be Reneseme’s mother; she herself is unimportant and discardable.

Review: Bullet by Laurell K Hamilton, Book 19 of the Anita Blake series

Yes. I read it. I know I know, reading Anita Blake at this point redefines flogging a dead horse. But I feel compelled to finish this hot mess – and it's like a trainwreck, you just have to keep watching. So here I am, suffering through book 19 of the series. Book 19! Ye gods, who would have thought it would last this long

On the actual plot (let's cover it quickly since it's a relatively minor element). And there's some sorta there, carefully sandwiched between the drama, angst and random ongoing side issues.

It would appear the Mother of all Darkness is not dead. Though her body got all exploded, her spirit live son, possessing... the vampire council! And with this power Mother Dark can rule the world (dramatic laugh) and do deadly dark, evil things, using the power – political and metaphysical – of these mighty vampires to feed on death and destruction and raise up to new and greater powers until the earth is swallowed under a tide of badness.

Jean-Claude, Anita & the ever expanding posse will oppose this – by setting up a new Council and becoming a new pre-eminent power and part of this involves binding more power to them – especially the tigers – all the colours. The red and yellow and pink and green, purple and orange and... no, wait, that's Sing a Rainbow. Anyway, Anita & JC must bind to themselves to be the new Master of Tigers and Lord of the Day. Since (if you've been keeping up from the last book, or the one before. I forget, they all involved humping) Mother Darkness' arch-nemesis had these powers before Anita killed him after performing a sex show for him (yeah, I know, I know).

So, anyway. JC & Anita (and the posse) need to gather their power and their multi-coloured day-glo tigers (gotta catch 'em all!) and become the overlord of all Masters in the US to protect everyone from Mother Darkness.

That plot summation could probably have been done with little more attention. Probably. Sad thing is? The plot idea I liked. I was intrigued and the idea of again being forced to gather power to protect themselves and again facing a danger so epic and completely terrifying in scope as this was presented. And it was presented as that – it was literally a “oh shit” moment when you realised what the antagonist was. But it's so damn hard to be engaged in this series now with all the endless sex and utterly pointless angst that get in the damn way. I think the actual plot made up about 20% of the book, if that.