And this week we look at protagonists we’ve come to dislike in so many ways - Sookie from True Blood and Elena from The Vampire Diaries. Oh the many ways that these 2 champions of Spunky Agency need to face off against each other so we can see which Mary Sue is the Spunkiest of them All.
Let’s look at the criteria
Shoddiest Treatment of Friends and Family!
You can’t be a proper Spunky Agent unless you have a friend to use and abuse
Sookie: Tara. Enough said. Sookie’s treatment of Tara is legendary in its awfulness. When Tara was kidnapped and raped by Franklin, Sookie spared all of two seconds attention. Lafayette traumatised and tortured by Eric? Sookie didn’t even know. Even her own brother went through hell in Hotshot, and Sookie could hardly wait to get back to herself. Of course, when Sookie needs help, who is there to help carry her?
Elena: Bonnie is a servant who is continually dragged into situations she wants no part in because of Elena’s demands. For that matter, look at what Caroline went through with barely a spec of Elena’s attention. And do we even have to mention Jeremy? Her little brother went through at least as much as she did, and only received attention when she wanted to nag him.
Assumption of authority despite more experienced people present
A Spooky Agent has utter confidence in her abilities. She never lets a little thing like not having a clue what she’s doing stop her from taking charge and taking control!
Sookie: When Bill first turns Jessica, the two are having trouble relating to each other. Sookie in all her wisdom decides to take Jessica to see her parents, despite Bill telling her that he had control of the situation and it turns into a disaster. Yes, Sookie may know teenage girls having been one herself, but she has no idea of what it is like to be a newborn baby vampire, yet still had the nerve to lecture Bill.
Elena: Do I have to write a list? The plot to kill Elijah? Elena took it over and changed it. Letting Katherine out of the nice locked cave when Katherine was the big bad. Giving herself to Klaus And how many times has she decided to throw away all their plans so she can nobly sacrifice herself?
Shamefully Ignored/Excused Crimes of Love Interest
Of course, we’re talking about love stories here, so true love conquers all - and excuses all!
Sookie: Bill told Sookie he had killed people almost from the very moment they met. Eric has not only killed and tortured people - even her friend Lafayette. Bill left Tara at the mercy of Franklin and it barely caused Sookie to hesitate in her professed love. I think Eric and Bill could do anything to her loved ones and she wouldn’t blink.
Elena: Despite seeing a list of the number of people that Stefan has killed, Elena still sees him a good person and actively tries to get him back. She has seen absolutely blood drunk and just treats him like he is an alcoholic rather than a mass murderer. His name is after all “the ripper”, but somehow Elena’s love is magical enough to cure him from being what he is.
Number of Sycophantic Supporters
No Spunky Agent would be complete without an entourage of people who love her for no good reason.
Sookie: Everything in Bon Temps revolves around Sookie. She even disappears for an entire year and she can almost pick up exactly where she left off. Despite her complete disinterest in their lives, Tara and Lafayette continually come back to her to help and support her, regardless of how she treats them. Her brother is always there for her. And Sam? How much work does she have to miss before Sam fires her? How much unrequited love justifies his continued whimpering after her? And don’t even get me started on Eric and Bill! It’s got so bad that it has even been lampshaded in the programme with both Tommy and Pam questioning why everyone fawns around her.
Elena: For reasons unbeknownst to me, Elena has a massed a circle of followers who are absolutely dedicated to serving her at a moments notice. Bonnie performs magic when called and is even willing to risk her life to save Elena’s, though Elena has yet to do a damn thing for her. Damon and Stefan are both in love with her, though she throws temper tantrums and always believes that she knows best. Perhaps in the most bizarre twist, she know has her high school history teacher sleeping on her couch, to help her get over the loss of her Aunt Jemma.
Absolutely Worst Idea
Of course, the defining aspect of Spunky Agency - utter, blithering foolishness.
Sookie: Bill is missing - so Sookie decides to go looking. And how does she search? Puts on a black wig, goes into a biker bar full of werewolves on vampire blood with a complete stranger (Alcide) and then picks a fight.
Elena: Hunting werewolves. In the woods. On a full moon. Really. Hunting werewolves on the night of a full moon. Oh, and with hybrids and Klaus out there as well.
So, readers - which do you think wins our Spunky Face Off?