Saturday, March 29, 2014

Vampire Diaries, Season 5, Episode 17: Rescue Me

Stefan’s doppleganger – who you remember they’re going to murder for the Travellers for REASONS, is an EMT in at Atlanta called Tom –that’s what Stefan tells the Travellers. She passes the info onto Enzo and Caroline who are their happy death squad and Caroline is not amused at her continuing to fry Stefan’s brain and threatens vengeance in return.

Elena’s having morning after angst about sleeping with Damon and has to attend Jeremy’s parent teacher conference – won’t that be… kind of weird and awkward given the complete lack of age difference and the fact these teachers taught Elena a couple of years ago? Well if Elena or Jeremy actually ever went to school, that is. She tells Damon it was all a mistake while her eyes keep wandering below the waist.

Damon goes to the bar and unloads on Matt and Tyler (are they his friends now?) with lots of snark – and Jeremy and Liv have a drink together in the background. And Elena, at parent teacher night, calls and unloads on Bonnie and they both realise Jeremy was at parts unknown the night before (Jeremy spending more time with Liv?). Luke enters the room where Bonnie is so we have another reference to him being gay.

Parent teacher night gets more awkward because Damon is logged as Jeremy’s primary contact, not Elena. Damon snarks about Jeremy being with Liv (with a truly excellent reference to Jeremy’s love life to date – “all it needs is a sappy love song and a pottery wheel” that’s worth a Fang all on it’s own). Damon takes the snark and runs with it when the teacher reports on Jeremy’s less than stellar behaviour (this is meant to convince us he has actually been to school). The counsellor gets all judgy about Elena not being stable and Damon is nicely snarky about it.

Meanwhile the murder buddies are looking for Tom and Enzo is flirting with Caroline. And they find that Tom has disappeared for the last 4 months. So since the link is old it’s time for some more brain fried Stefan (much to Caroline’s distress) and they find the memory of a woman Tom met called Hazel – and her address. These visions manage to be both damn convenient and long winded – they could show completely useless information OR they could show where he ACTUALLY is but instead we get convenient bread crumbs.

They find the address, open the door and see that Hazel is a witch and she’s mid ritual. They can’t get in because she owns the house and is in a trance so can’t invite them in – so Enzo kills her by throwing a doorknob at her head (see, this is how you deal with the Travellers). Caroline is shocked and appalled, Enzo “I’m a murderous vampire. Surprise.” Heh, I like him.

At college Bonnie wonders why Luke keeps looking at her right when dead Hazel appears with a message for the anchor to pass on to Luke – she failed to hide the doppleganger with magic and “they” found us.

Speaking of Traveller plotting, Liv talks to Jeremy (using magic to block Tyler’s super hearing) because she can trust him because Hunters are immune to Traveller mind control. We get a brief exposition – Travellers are not quite witches, apparently, and they have a huge grudge against witches who draw their magic from nature (something about a curse). They’re up to something and they’re heading to Mystic Falls because of Elena (yes the world does revolve around her – oooh thank you lampshade!) Then she gets a message from Luke about Hazel being dead and plan has to change – she leaves. Tyler tries to stop her, she throws him across the room – pretending to be a newbie witch is over.

Caroline and Enzo continue to argue over random murder and he tries to be nice about the whole killing thing when they hear a heartbeat. They find Tom in the basement, drugged or magicked asleep and on a drip. Caroline puts together the 4 month time period – Tom was kidnapped at the same time that Silas, the original doppleganger, was killed. Enzo tries to get Caroline let him do the killing since it will bother her more but she insists because she made the deal – though she has another plan. She compels Tom’s calm obedience then breaks Enzo’s neck; she’s rescuing Tom.

Caroline bonds with rescued Tom, finding him super nice which is going to make killing him so much harder. Instead she compels him to get on a train to happier pastures without murder. Except Enzo arrives and snaps Tom’s neck – see he’s made a deal with the Travellers to find his old wannabe girlfriend Maggie.

Bonnie questions Luke about Hazel and Liv when she gets a call from Jeremy who has decided, for reasons unknown, that Liv is a threat to Elena; Luke makes a hasty exit.

Damon and Elena, meanwhile, are playing with lots of sexual tension until Elena wanders off on her own by way of convenient and convoluted plot point because then Liv can ambush her with magic and stake. She apologises – her coven really did try to protect Elena, but now it’s too dangerous so she has to die. Damon to the rescue (and mocking her amateurish guilt delaying the killing).

Damon ties up Liv for some questioning, which involves torture which turns into Elena and Damon arguing about why they broke up which is even more painful than the finger breaking. Faced with more relationship angst, Liv breaks and tells them that the Travellers will take Elena to use since she’s the last female doppleganger – and soon Stefan will be the last male one. And the witches don’t want that. Elena and Damon start bickering again. And Jeremy arrives because he will defend Liv with his life (despite calling her a threat earlier, though he has no way of knowing that and actually turned out to be right. Because REASONS!) They bicker some more and Elena brings up Jeremy’s school record BECAUSE THAT IS TOTALLY RELEVENT while outside Tyler and Matt arrive to stop Luke with some judicious throttling. Elena decides to take Jeremy’s assurance that Liv will protect her despite the recent attempted murdering and Jeremy knowing nothing about Liv so having zero knowledge of her, her motives or anything else because this I the Vampire Diaries and it doesn’t have to make sense.

And Damon has to go along with it because not doing so means he doesn’t trust Elena to trust Jeremy to trust a complete and utter stranger who has been lying to them for an indefinite period of time and who just tried to murder her BECAUSE FREAKING REASONS THAT’S WHY!

Is this why everyone in Mystic Falls drinks hard liquor? Or is the constant drinking of hard liquor that causes these decisions?

Anyway Liv is rescued and she goes and bickers with Luke. She convinces Luke they can protect Elena because Jeremy, as a hunter, will notice any threat before it happens. Why? I have no clue – I’m going to put this down to Liv’s epic ignorance of what a Hunter is or does because we have seen zero indication that Jeremy is especially alert. I think the posse of vampires willing to serve Elena’s every need is slightly more reassuring.

Now some more Elena and Damon angst. And Jeremy moves out to crazy with Matt and Tyler because Elena and Damon’s live is constantly crazy and gives him zero stability. Part of the reason he’s doing badly at school is he is dealing with things every day that make any school issues irrelevant in comparison.

Caroline returns to Stefan for some more these-two-are-definitely-becoming-a-couple moment

More Damon and Elena angst about how they are so bad for each other but can’t resist each other –so Elena is going back to campus to stay well away from him.

And no-one’s actually bothered to tell Bonnie anything so she still thinks Jeremy is ignoring her and off possibly with someone else.

That night the Tavellers cast one of their chanty spells and start drinking Stefan and Elena’s mixed blood (I like how Stefan and Caroline are totally shocked that the Travellers have a nefarious purpose for the blood… really?) As the spell progresses they set themselves on fire – still chanting. As they die they each appear before Bonnie, the Anchor, still chanting even in death as they pass through her. She collapses – and a man appears from her shadow and leaves the building

As a point of curiosity – where does Elena’s income come from? She doesn’t work, I didn’t get the impression Aunt Jenna was sitting on a stash of millions – was she surprisingly well insured? (And How much ARE life insurance premiums in Mystic Falls?) Are the Salvatores funding her?

Also out of curiosity – since they have the cure and the Travellers have repeatedly shown themselves to be suspicious and dangerous… why are they playing the honour system? Why even pretend to find Tom? Why not team up with Tyler, Elena and Damon and kill the Travellers one by one? Before anyone invokes morality, I wish to remind you that the alternative is murdering an innocent paramedic. Medical professional vs morally dubious powerful people up to some nefarious scheme. I know where I’d lie.

I may have missed it as well – but when did Enzo get a daylight ring? Did the Travellers get him one?

Elena and Damon’s relationship bickering may set a whole new record for self-absorbed lack of priorities on this show. And this is the Vampire Diaries – this show wrote the book on self-absorbed lack of priorities.

I think the motto for why anyone does anything on Vampire Diaries may just have to be BECAUSE REASONS! In the same way Helix is BECAUSE SCIENCE!

I actually like Jeremy’s school issues because it makes a point about him trying to juggle a normal life with the eternal drama, something most of the other characters aren’t doing. Especially since as a minor (HA!) he has all kinds of rules and regs he has to follow which Elena et al can duck out of. Except it would have been nice to make this an ongoing theme especially since a) Jeremy hasn’t been overly involved this season and b) no-one is actually involved in this normal life stuff anyway.