Saturday, October 31, 2015

Sleepy Hollow, Season Three, Episode Five: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Editor's Note: This is the second half of the cross over episode between Sleepy Hollow and Bones which for some inexplicable reason, Fox thought was necessary.

A courier driver makes his way happily down the road when Pandora appears in the middle of the street like a specter.  Thinking that he has run her over, he pulls over to the side of the road.  When he turns around, she's not there.  Pandora appears in front of him and tells him that this is not personal and then uses magic to suffocate him.  Pandora's eye begin to glow a sinister yellow and she instructs the driver to run.  When he turns tail, she opens up the back of the delivery truck. In the back of the truck is a sarcophagus which originated at the Jeffersonian.  Pandora throws an amulet on the bones and maggots appear.  Pandora says that some men are too important to die. The maggots become a live creature named General Howe and Pandora informs him that the King requires his aid.  Pandora asks him to gather his men to make the patriots become afraid of Britain and her dead again. Pandora offers General Howe vengeance on an enemy who once tried to end his life. Yep, you guessed it Ichabod Crane.

In the meantime, Crane and the crew are spending Halloween bowling.  Jenny is the first to comment that Crane could have loosened up and actually worn a costume and so he points out that he is John Adams.  The crew apparently should have guessed this from his waistcoat.  Ichabod notices Zoe and Abby encourages him to head over and get his flirt on. Naturally, Zoe knows exactly who Ichabod is dressed as and reveals that she chose to dress up as Betsy Ross.  Yeah, Sleepy Hollow is laying this all on a little thick if you ask me. They agree to bowl a frame together later and Crane heads back to his crew. Everyone takes the opportunity to tease Crane about his little chat with Zoe.  The laughter is cut short when Crane gets a text informing him that General Howe's remains never arrived at their destination.

Some kids are egging a graveyard when they notice an old gothic mausoleum and decide to investigate. The kids started to get freaked out and decide to leave but before they can do so, General Howe appears.  All of the kids save one manages to escape and he quickly finds himself surrounded by revolutionary war zombies.  Okay, for the record everyone knows that in a horror situation, the black folk flee and the white folk investigate and then get murdered.  WTH Sleepy Hollow?

Abby and Crane are investigating the now empty courier truck.  Crane immediately suggests that Pandora is guilty and wonders what she would want with Howe's remains.  Together, they decide to follow the tracks which of course leads to the mausoleum that the kids were just at. It seems that the British employed the area as a staging ground for the battle of Manhattan. Is there a stone in Sleepy Hollow that isn't historical in some fashion? As they head inside to check out the mausoleum, Abby takes the opportunity to bring up Zoe and suggest that Crane plan a date with her but Crane is adamant that he and Zoe are not a thing.  Okay, do these two even realise that they could be facing death? Why are they even talking about Zoe now? Abby suggests that it's time to move on and Crane talks about his former relationship with Katrina but says that this chapter of his life is now closed. Yep, let the audience say Amen. If I never hear Katrina's name again, it will be too soon.

Abby and Crane pause when they notice blood dripping from the season.  When they look up, the body of the kid plummets to the ground.  Abby and Crane don't have time to register what they are seeing because they are approached by zombie red coats, being led by none other than General Howe. Abby and Crane fire but being dead, neither Howe or his soldiers are injured.  They take off running with the soldiers fast on their heels. Crane and Abby just manage to evade the soldiers who run outside and end up bursting into dust when the suns rays touch them.

The next day at work, Abby heads into Reynolds office to find out why he has been visited by two U.S. attorneys. It seems that Reynolds has been working on a big case regarding a company buying items stolen by terrorists.  Reynolds offers Abby the job of task force coordinator and she is happy to accept.

Crane has flashbacks to when Howe was demanding that he inform on the patriots, as he searches through books for clue.  Abby enters and informs Crane that the death at the mausoleum has been ruled an accident.  Crane is upset because he has found nothing in Washington's bible, Franklin's notebook and Grace Dickson's notebook to explain what they witnessed.  Abby is adamant that they will find something because they always do.  Crane is upset because though things didn't end well with Howe, there was a time when he thought Howe to be honourable.  Abby however reminds Crane of all the things Howe tried to make him do. Crane then admits that Washington sent him to kill Howe, conceding that this was one of the darker points of the war.

Yep, it's flashback time and we see Howe holding the amulet that Pandora used to raise his body. Crane holds a gun to Howe's head advising him to order his men to turn around. Howe however chooses to test Crane's resolve, saying that Washington gave him this order to test Crane's loyalties. Howe asks Crane if he can kill a man in cold blood. Crane asks Howe to retreat and he refuses to do so until all the colonials lie in a grave. Howe tells Crane to do what he came to do or leave before he is placed in irons. Redcoats burst into the room, forcing Crane to flee.

In the present, Crane reports that if he had had another moment he would have pulled the trigger, which might have meant that the colonials would have been able to keep the city.  Abby wonders if there was another reason that Washington sent Crane to take out Howe and Crane admits that Howe was holding a stone with a Nordic emblem when he confronted him. When Crane says that the emblem looked like a man with two swords through him, Abby suggests that it means dead man walking.  That's all that's needed to give Crane a lead to a rare breed of undead warrior who swore an oath of duty in life that lasts beyond death.  From the book they figure out that the method of killing Howe must reside in his tomb.Since Pandora wants to raise fear in people the fact that Howe and his men will be roaming the street on Halloween will accomplish that if they are not stopped.

Joe Corbin arrives at Jenny's with the ingredients for her favourite drink and they flirt a little.  It's not long before they start talking about the shard.  Jenny has figured out that a man named Atticus is the one who is after the shard. Joe recognizes Atticus as a friend of his father's.   It seems that Joe's father served with Attius in the military.  Joe asks Jenny to hand him the albums he brought over and sure enough, there's a picture of Corbin standing next to Atticus.  Jenny and Joe wonder how many secrets Corbin kept from them but Jenny is adamant that now that they have a name, they can get some answers. Jenny assures Joe that Corbin was one of the best men she has ever known.

Crane is waiting for Abby in her office and takes the time to look at Zoe's instagram because he has been tagged. Abby reports that the lab here won't be able to give them the answers they need from the fragment of Howe's bones and so Crane suggests that their friends at the Jeffersonian can help them out.  Abby agrees that with Booth and Prentice's help they might be able to find the tomb before nightfall.  There they go squeezing in this ridiculous cross over. Am I really supposed to believe that FBI labs aren't good enough to do analysis on a bone fragment?  Really?

When next we see Abby and Crane, they are handing over the sample to Booth and Prentice. It's not long before Brennan and Crane are bickering about his theory that the Founding Fathers buried Howe twice.  Brennan is further not impressed that things exist which cannot be explained by logic and science.  After some results come in, Crane surmises that what they are looking for is the capitol building because originally, this is where Washington wished to be buried. Crane thanks Brennan for her help but before he can leave, she demands to accompany him because what he is suggesting is an amazing archaeological find. Reluctantly, Crane agrees to this.  Booth talks to Abby because he believes she is trying to solve some off book case. Abby asks Booth how he would feel if this were the case and he concedes that regardless, since she is one of Corbin's protegees he would still have her back. Abby talks briefly about how her outside work could jeopardize her career.

Jenny and Joe are on a stakeout and it seems that Joe has been there before as a kid. Joe is even more suspicious, saying that his father had a lot of secrets. They find the woman who tried to steal the shard and ask to sit down with her boss. Joe promises to hand over the shard if Nevins agrees to answer his questions.  Jenny tries to get Joe to slow his roll but he is full steam ahead. The woman agrees to try set something up but reveals that after they stole the shard back from her, Nevins suggested they sit tight because they would come to him soon enough. When the woman drives off, Jenny is clearly pissed though Joe promises that he won't let anything bad happen.  Jenny tells him that this is not a promise he can make in this world.

Abby, Crane, Booth and Brennan are now in the basement of the capitol.  Abby uses Crane's masonic ring to open a secret passageway. Brennan is impressed with what they have found.  Abby and Crane whisper that what they are looking for will be difficult to find and conceal with Booth and Brennan there. Booth steps on a lever which bring down a wall separating him and Abby from Crane and Brennan. On Brennan and Crane's side, pipes descend from the ceiling and  shoot a blue coloured flame. Crane tries to douse the flames but it only causes them to ignite even further. Crane declares that what they are dealing with his Greek fire - a legendary flame which cannot be extinguished. Brennan notes the scent of the fire and says that they are dealing with napalm. Abby notices a lock but Booth simply shoots at the divider and it rises.  Brennan runs into Booth's arms and is absolutely excited about the tomb.  Brennan says that they need to excavate this entire area but Booth says that she needs to slow down.  Brennan announces that they shouldn't even be there because they are contaminating the site.  Booth tells Crane it's time they leave.  Once alone, Abby questions if Crane is worried about Booth and Brennan but Crane believes that Brennan's skepticism won't allow her to see what is right in front of her. Crane however has come up with a way to beat Howe but it means burning Sleepy Hollow to the ground.

Driving back, Crane explains that there's only on reason Washington would have set up the tomb with the fire - it was a trap. Abby doesn't see the big threat because she has access to napalm; however, Crane informs her that Greek fire is different from napalm and cannot be extinguished by water or by sand.

After escaping Howe, Crane ran into Betsy Ross in the tunnels where she informs him that orders have been changed and that they are to evacuate the city before counter measures are deployed. Hours after the British invaded, the great fire of New York occurred, the cause of which remains a mystery.

In a flashback scene. Betsy Ross uses a crossbow to fire an arrow burning with Greek Fire into Howe's men. This results in a fire and Betsy escapes on horseback with the city burning behind her. Anyone else think that they are turning Ross into a revolutionary era Laura Croft?

In the present, Crane tells Abby that they are in the same dilemma that Washington was in but Abby is adamant that they cannot burn down Sleepy Hollow.

The kids of Sleepy Hollow are Trick or Treating and Pandora watches them. Pandora is joined by Howe and she tells him that when the sun sets, they are to go forth and slaughter.

Back at the archives, Joe and Jenny are now armed with Greek fire.  Abby explains that their plan is to draw the soldiers into the tunnels to hopefully contain the fire.  Crane plans to act as bait since the general hates him so much.

The sun has set and the soldiers descend upon the town as the kids watch amazed thinking that they are looking at people in costumes. The men get into position to fire and Abby drives her truck right into the line of fire. Somehow, though the car takes musket fire, Crane and Abby are unhurt. Crane duels briefly with the General and then makes his way down a sewer drain and into the tunnels.  The general is hot on Crane's heels. Abby gets off two shots with her shot gun but the soldiers disintegrate into dust.

In the tunnels, the soldiers start firing and Jenny and Joe take out a few with Greek fire. When Crane finally confronts Howe, he informs him that all of his army has been defeated.  Crane says that he should have ended this long ago.  Calling Crane a turncoat, Howe walks into the fire, rather than allowing Crane to kill him.

Pandora watches from a distance as Howe's men are defeated. She isn't even slightly perturbed however as it seems that she has other plans in the works.

Later, Abby and Crane speak with Brennan and Booth via skype. It seems that the Jeffersonian has decided to take over the tomb they found. Brennan asks Crane for his help with the tomb but he declines saying that he is in the process of renovating a historical property of his own. Brennan is filled with questions, like how Crane came across Washington's letter and why the colonials didn't use Greek fire in the battles. Booth tells Prentice to let it go and Abby thanks them for their help.

Crane is still upset by what happened with Howe but says that he can now put Howe behind him. Abby then encourages Crane to call Zoe. Crane decides to take Abby's advice and calls Zoe, to ask her out for dinner that night.

Abby is back in her office and she heads to see Reynolds.  Abby thanks him for offering her a spot on the team and promises to burn the candle at both ends if she has to. Reynolds hands Abby a photo of Jenny and Joe meeting with Atticus's top operative. and he demands to know what is going on.

And with that, the ridiculous cross over episode has come to an end.  Clearly this is a desperate bid by Fox to have Bones viewers watch Sleepy Hollow since the ratings for Sleepy Hollow are in decline thanks to authors #cranewrecking the show last season.  As I said in the Bones review, the whole thing is obvious and forced.  It was ridiculous to watch the ever so logical Brennan pretend that Sleepy Hollow and the legend of Ichabod Crane does not exist.

I know that I said it in the review but I call shennanigans at the very idea that the FBI labs could not analyse a bone fragment and that Brennan and Booth had to be called in for this to happen.  When Abby was Sleepy Hollow P.D she managed to get things analysed but now she is in the FBI and cannot?

This whole thing felt so forced and ridiculous but I gotta say, I loved the gang bowling.  Jenny in particular looked awesome in her knock off Mountie costume. As a Cannuck, I totes had to give a shout out to that.  Then there's Zoe's Betsy Ross costume.  Despite all of his denials, Ichabod must totally be into her because he didn't make a single comment about how inaccurate the sexy little get up was.

I am glad to see Reynolds bring up the photo with Joe and Jenny because thus far it feels like they have really been separated from Crane and Abby.  The show is at its best when the two sisters are interacting, caring for each other and building their relationship.  At times thus far, it's almost like Sleepy Hollow has been split into two different shows.  Didn't they learn anything from last year?

And Joe just agreeing to trade away the shard to deal with his daddy issues? He doesn't even know what the hell the shard is or how dangerous Atticus is but yeah, just give the man the strange object he is looking for.  I am glad that Jenny called him out a bit but I think she should have torn a strip off his hide. Can we have a year where no one is dealing with daddy issues please? Didn't we get enough of that with the supposedly sweet baby horseman of death last year?

Betsy Ross is totally a bad ass hero.  Is there anything that they won't interject her and Crane into? It's getting to be a little ridiculous even for Sleepy Hollow at this point.  Why does this show think it's necessary to cram them into every supposed historical event? Also, we all know damn well that Crane would not have pulled that trigger.

Finally, we have to talk about Pandora who gets points for being a mustache twirling villain this episode. Yes, they had her steal a child's Halloween candy. Cue evil maniacal laugh and look in awe at her evilness. So Pandora goes through a whole song and dance to bring back Howe but then when it doesn't work out she doesn't even shrug and just moves the hell on?  Really?  I don't miss Moloch but at least I could take him seriously.