Sunday, November 19, 2017

Once Upon a Time, Season 7, Episode 7: Eloise Gardener

Time for a big flashback and huge revelations and it’s allll getting more complicated but I still want to know what Weaver/Rumple is up to! What game is he playing!

So when we had two Hooks we were told that their worlds were basically the same until the Curse - which Regina didn’t cast in Killian Roger’s world. Which is where we catch up, Killian and Smee all ready to go all revenge on Rumple but Regina arriving and announcing, to everyone’s shock, that Snow White and Prince Charming won and stole her magic and now she needs to flee and would quite like to do so on Killian’s ship

I do like how utterly shocked everyone is that Snow White won. Poor Regina still looks awesome of course

To pay for passage she has a map to where Killian can get some shiny magic to help him defeat an immortal - without it and without the curse he has no chance against a magical Dark One. But it’s guarded by an evil witch

So off he goes and finds the tower - and Rapunzel. She is stuck in the tower, magically unable to leave because of the power of some golden petals. Killian quickly realises that he could use the same power to trap Rumplestiltskin and he will be an immortal stuck forever which sounds all evil and tortuous. Rapunzel can tell him where to get more petals to free her and trap the Dark One - though she isn’t sure she can trust Killian to come back, killian is a big bad pirate and makes it clear she doesn’t exactly have many options here.

So to get the flower which involves a giant murderous garden gnome and Killian singing lullabies

He returns to Rapunzel - much to Smee’s disapproval but Killian does get into trouble because of pretty ladies. And said pretty lady is very appreciative, so appreciative that rather than escape her prison she wants to have sex. This would be odd - but Killian in that out fit really does make this quite an understandable position

The next morning things have changed a little… and there’s a baby in the room. See, Rapunzel isn’t really Rapunzel - she drops her magical disguise: she’s the witch, Gothel. She planned to trap Rapunzel in the tower but she was crafty and locked her up instead and she’s been waiting for a loophole. Apparently she CAN escape - but only if she leaves someone of her bloodline behind. Lacking convenient sibling she’s opted to have a baby, facilitated by using magic to rape Killian (and we all know now there’s absolutely no way her actions are going to be presented as rape because this kind of rape never ever is) and then use the magic of the petals to speed up 9 months of pregnancy

She’s now free, the baby is trapped and she totally wants to go cruising with her released, raped pirate on a revenge tour, abandoning their baby. Killian declines most strongly - in fact he’s just readjusted a lot in his life. He goes back to Smee and Regina - and gives Smee the ship. He can take Regina to where she needs to be: Killian has a more important life now than revenge

Moving into the tower and raising his trapped daughter alone. And the sight of a leather clad Captain Hook cradling a small baby may indeed break the internet.

And this is how this world’s Captain Hook gave up revenge to focus on something more important - his daughter. Who he called… Alice

Yes and we only know one Alice. Yes we shall make gasping sounds over this one!

Into the present

Killian just found the dead man with the same symbols as the missing Eloise and Weaver swoops in to try and shut him down. Killian assumes Weaver is doing this because he works for Victoria - and he’s not wrong. Victoria warns Rumple either he stops Killian or she will get someone to do it more permanently

What is Rumple up to here? I do wonder if Weaver/Rumple are in the same awkward position as Regina? There’s something about the curse they have to avoid?

Victoria has done some more plotting and discovered that her captured witch - who we now know is Gothel - has been receiving visitors. Doing some sleuthing she realises Drizilla is the one and angrily confronts the witch about when she woke Drizilla up - to which Gothel calmly tells her that Drizilla has always been awake. She’s not overly worried about Drizilla and her life wish to make Victoria suffer because she’s so codependent she’s sure she can drag Drizilla down with no problem. She may regret that. But she’s going to punish Gothel by moving her from her tower to a warehouse somewhere so she can’t have visitors or have sunlight. Gothel doesn’t seem too intimidated.

Poor regina is in a bind. On the one hand she tries to help Jacinda by giving her a job and is friendly and happy and kind. But, as Drizilla reminds her, she has to keep them apart. She tells Jacinda that if she wants her daughter back social services probably aren’t going to be impressed by her new relationship with an unemployed failed author… all the while clearly hating herself as she sabotages their date and Jacinda calls it off. Gah, nooooooo Regina may be in a land without magic but she could still give Drizilla a good slap. Especially when Henry says he can tell how much Regina cares.

Of course Henry was taking Jacinda to an 80s cover band so maybe she’s trying to protect Jacinda.

Unsurprisingly, Killian is not letting go the missing Eloise and even rambles away to Henry about how Eloise is family and he’d know if she were dead - it all sounds very unstable. But Henry does agree to come play along because Henry never has anything better to do and is he even working as a taxi driver any more? Where’s his money coming from?

Killian is extra driven because apparently when Eloise was taken Killian should have been patrolling but instead was drunk. So GUILTS.

He turns to everyone’s favourite source - Tilly, the non-magic version of Alice who is now revealed to be his daughter and probably this Eloise after all! He shows her the notebook and with some arm twisting ask her to go check with the other homeless people and street kids since they don’t trust cops, especially since Tilly uses her odd insight and declares the notebook Killian is bandying around is actually from a girl who ran away, not was kidnapped.

They agree to meet later and when they did Tilly has bad news - she did find the girl and even has a picture in the same style of the notebook to prove it. Alas, she died and the picture is all that’s left. All the angst Killian. Alllll of it.

And he nearly hits the bottle again - but stops himself, spilling booze on the page in the process. Which smudges. The book he’s had since forever doesn’t smudge because it’s very old, this picture is clearly newly drawn… and therefore fake (I or in a lower quality ink? Different paper? Or spilling booze with alcohol content is more likely to make things smudge than say, coffee? Killian is not showing many police skills here)

He charges to the only person he thinks could make Tilly fake the picture - Weaver/Rumple who confesses that yes he totally did but for his own good and he really needs to leave this alone. Again i get the powerful sense that Rumple is in the same place as Regina, forced to preserve the curse for reasons unknown.. Killian is obviously not buying this and decides to go fully off the rails

He goes to Drizilla to intimidate her into giving him the tracking device for Victoria’s car so she can track her down and hold her at gunpoint. Victoria fully plans to bluff her way out of this - except she’s just been moving her imprisoned witch. “Detective how dare you accuse me of kidnapping” works better when you don’t have a flinching victim in chains -0 and yes, Gothel is quick and clever to play victim and doesn’t deny being Eloise Gardner

Ok, so killian has been looking for Eloise for a while now - does he have no actual clue how old she is? None at all? This feels… lacking for an investigation he has been pursuing for so long

Victoria is arrested and Gothel is “saved” and it looks like this is going to be a tough one for even Victoria to wriggle out of. Tragically, Killian confronts Tilly and shows the person he’s saved that she didn’t help with - that she actively hindered him with, saying “I thought you were better than this.” Ouch ouch, tearful eyes and ouch

Drizilla also drops in to see mummy dearest and chortle “got you got you I’m awake and I got you!!! MUAHAHAHA I’M FREE!!!” while Victoria isn’t done - she doesn’t care about Drizilla except to say how utterly stupid she is for unleashing Gothel on the world. For once I have to agree with Victoria - there’s going to be consequences for this

One is when Jacinda goes to get Lucy - who obviously isn’t going to be staying with Victoria any more - only to find social services have been called. Lucy can’t just go to Jacinda - if she could Victoria wouldn’t have custody in the first place

I still want to know what assassin squad crack den clown school Jacinda was running to get this kind of custody deal.

So this pretty much destroys my theory of Alice. I kind of thought she was some kind of ur figure - like the Dark One or the Author - existing almost outside of the narratives or across them. But Killian’s daughter (totally unexpected) puts paid to that theory