The Last Man on Earth, Season One, Episode Six: Some Friggin' Fat Dude

Melissa rushes forward and introduces herself and Phil to Todd.  Todd admits that he was set to leave the area when he saw Phil's fireworks.  Phil gets on a look on his face as though he is mentally kicking himself in the ass.  Todd asks if he was interrupting anything but Melissa assures Todd that everything is okay.  Phil of course has to pull Melissa away to remind her that they were supposed to be having sex but Melissa is more interested in the fact that another person has shown up.  Honestly, between Carol and Phil, who could blame her?

Throughout this time, Carol has been doing laundry.  Phil enters and Carol thanks him for being quick.  Phil admits that nothing happened and of course, Carol jumps to the conclusion that Phil has diarrhea. What the hell is with the constant conversation about bowel movements?  Are the writers 12?  Phil makes the announcement about Todd,  who he describes as some fat dude.  Let the fat shaming begin.  Carol sees this as momentous because Todd's arrival means that Phil and Melissa won't have to have sex with each other.  Phil gets wrong and strong and says that they cannot force Melissa to have sex with some stranger.

Carol decides that she has to meet Todd and since all of her clothes are wet, Carol puts on her wedding dress.  The survivors sit around the campfire having a drink and it's clear that Melissa and Todd have a lot in common.  Phil tries to play cock blocker to Todd and of course makes an ass of himself pretending to have seen Shawshank Redemption. When there is a lull in the conversation, Phil of course has to bring up Todd's weight.  Todd talks about dealing with growing up as a fat kid and how terribly he was teased. Melissa is quick to point out that all of those people who were mean to Todd are dead now.  Even Phil is moved enough to tell Todd that those people won't hurt him anymore. 

Todd then excuses himself to get some sleep and of course, Phil then pretends that he had a weight problem in highschool to try and gain sympathy.  When Melissa excuses herself, Carol points out that there were sparks between Melissa and Todd.

The next day, Carol reveals her plan to Phil, to set Melissa and Todd up on a date.  Phil unsurprisingly is convinced that Melissa would never go for Todd because Melissa is beautiful, smart and kind and Todd is Todd (implication here FAT)

Phil knocks on Melissa's door to talk about Shawshank.  Phil does the worst Morgan Freeman impersonation ever, quoting a line from the movie to prove that he has seen it. Phil then tries to pretend that he was only joking last night when he said that Tom Hanks was in the movie.  Phil segues in a less than cool fashion into re-population, only to be told that now is not the time by Melissa.

Carol initiates her plan to set up Todd and Melissa. Carol actually fakes vomiting and tells Melissa and Todd to go ahead without her.  Phil enters the room and Melissa and Carol suggest that he should stay behind. 

Melissa and Todd go go-cart racing and Phil spends his time spying on them.  As Todd and Melissa play golf, Phil rambles off to himself that Todd is in the "friend zone."  Todd and Melissa continue to have a good time, as Phil plays creepy stalker dude in fear that Melissa is falling for Todd.

Later, Carol informs Phil that Melissa and Todd are going on another date tomorrow.  Phil is not impressed with Carol pushing Todd and Melissa together but as it turns out, it was Melissa who asked Todd out on a second date.  Phil then suggests a double date to support their relationship. 

Later, the four set up to play tennis and of course Phil decides to suggest that they play shirts and skins in an effort embarrass Todd.  Melissa notices a scar on Todd which of course Phil has to suggest comes from over eating.  Todd however explains that he donated one of his kidneys to his foster brother. Todd starts to tell the story of how he came to donate his kidney, as Phil tries to distract everyone with tennis.  Todd gets so emotional he has to excuse himself for a moment and is quickly followed by Melissa.  Phil decides to follow Todd and Melissa and comes across the two of them kissing.  Carol however believes that Phil did the shirts and skins routine to push Todd and Melissa together.

Later, Phil the creepy knocks on Melissa's door and snarks about Todd being a big ole' breathe of fresh air.  Phil then goes on to say that in the old world, all his friends were I fucking kid you not "fats"  Of course "fats" pump up there stats and lie, making it hard to trust "fats".  Melissa rightfully shuts the door in Phil's face calling him an ass.  Phil knocks on the door and apologises saying that because he was alone for so long, he has forgotten how to interact with people.  Melissa opens the door and asks if Phil really talks to sports balls. 

Phil takes Melissa to meet his sports ball friends.  Melissa asks Phil what his favorite movie is and he finally admits that it's The Godfather.  Melissa asks Phil to be honest with her. Phil tells Melissa that she was the one he was waiting for her and that she took his breathe away.  Phil adds that he is falling in love with Melissa and asks her if there's any chance she could feel that way about him.  Melissa says no, so Phil lies and says that he was going to say all of that stuff to Carol.

Okay, the manchild has actively become a character I hate now.  Watching him stalk Todd and Melissa this episode just made him super creepy and gross.  There there's the fat shaming that he engaged in for the entire episode.  This is a new low for the writers but on par with what I expected the minute Todd got out of the car.

Part of what made the fat shaming so horrible is that it was meant to make me laugh.  I didn't find any of it remotely funny and instead I found it to be outright cruel.  I wonder how  Mel Rodriguez felt when he reached the shirts and skins section of the script?  Shirts and skins wasn't even necessary to the game and it could have been triggering for fat males who found themselves in the same or similar situations growing up. 

Just like the other characters, Todd is a trope.  Todd is the happy fat guy who smiles through his pain that we are all meant to feel sorry for.  Todd is someone to be pitied. 

It's worth noting that with the arrival of Todd, we also for the first time have a survivor who is not white.  Given that they used up their quota of fat jokes this week, I wonder if they will move onto race jokes next week?  Yes, I expect the writers of this God awful show to sink this low.

Why oh why did I trade off Salem with Sparky for this show.  It may only be 30 minutes long but it's torture.

The Last Man on Earth, Season One, Episode Five: Dunk the Skunk

Todd pulls up in a sports car and stops in front a sign which reads alive in Tuscon.  It looks like Phil is going to loose his title as last man on earth.

Carol has latched onto Phil by the campfire as she tells Melissa that they are going to be BFF's.  The moment Carol leaves to get another bottle of wine, the conversation quickly switches to Melissa's declaration that she is horny.  Melissa is concerned with Carol getting the wrong idea and tells Phil that she really respects him for trying to make his marriage work. Besides, Melissa was cheated on once and now she hates lechers.  Carol returns with the drinks and then drags Phil off for sex.  Alone, Phil asks Carol to tone it down to spare Melissa's feelings and even wonders if they are rushing into having a children.  Carol however believes that they need to make babies for the human race to survive.

The next day, Phil heads to his ball collection to plot and scheme.  Of course he has logically worked out that for re-population to work, he needs to impregnate Melissa as well. Phil is a really winner isn't he?  He cannot even admit to himself that he is creating any reasonable possible to get into Melissa pants.  It's further telling that though he sees Carol as a massive cock block, he is unwilling to stop sleeping with her either. These are genes the human population totally needs to see passed on.

Cue Phil's creepy visit to Melissa's to sell his big plan for re-population.  He then turns around to show Melissa his ass, asking if his pants look okay on him.  It seems to me that Phil should be happy that there are only two women left because otherwise, he would most certainly be single.  Honestly, were his social skills always this bad?

Phil then starts to fake cry and goes to see Carol.  Carol being Carol, starts to soothe Phil.  The acting in this scene is so horrendous it was difficult not to change the channel.  Phil then points out to Carol that if she wants to avoid her children having to participate in incest to populate the human race that he will have to have sex with Melissa.  Carol's look at this point is a touch priceless. 

Phil makes the puppy dog face and explains that while he doesn't want to have sex with Melissa, he has to have sex with Melissa.  Phil then throws out the incest card again and Carol admits that she needs to think about this.  Was any of this supposed to be funny?  An argument quickly erupts when Phil mentions that Melissa agrees with his position, causing Carol to call him a skunk.

Later a pissed off Melissa knocks on the door after being told off by Carol.  Phil tries to play ignorant but Melissa sees right through him and makes it clear that Phil was the one who chose to marry Carol.  Melissa says that Carol was her one chance of having a girlfriend and though Phil apologises, Carol walks off angry.

That night, Phil decides to hold a dunk the skunk event, telling the women  that they cannot stay mad at him forever because he is the last man on earth.  What Phil doesn't know is that with each passing second, Todd gets closer to their location. Of course the dunk tank Phil chose is defective and each time he sits on the bench, he ends up in the tank. Yeah, I know I am supposed to be laughing at this but it's moronic at best. 

Both women ignore Phil and Melissa heads over to Carol's with a bottle of wine.  The two women head inside and reconcile, totally stunning the clueless Phil. Mercifully Phil gets out of the dunk tank and the cheap gimmick is over. Melissa and Carol finally agree to talk to Phil and they inform him that they have decided he should re-populate with both women.  Phil is then informed that he can only have sex with Melissa three days per month, three times a day until she gets pregnant.

The next morning, Carol arrives and informs Phil that today is the day he is to have sex with Melissa. Phil has actually showered for the occasion and put on a suit.  Carol actually checks to ensure that Phil has washed his genitals. 

Later, Phil escorts Melissa to the romantic setting that he has created for her. Melissa however wants to cut the B.S. and just do it.  Phil however wants to make the night special and so he grabs his guitar. He plays two notes and for each note, a firecracker goes off. The firecracker works as a beacon and leads Todd directly to their location.

Todd gets out of his car with a big smile on his face.

Is it me or was that an exceedingly long half hour?  It's episode five and I don't like a single character so far.  This has got to be the worst dystopian setting I have ever had the displeasure to view.

The writing is absolutely puerile and Phil's man child routine was tiresome in episode one.   If that were not enough, Will Forte's acting is easily the worst of the cast. Just yuck. Also, his attempt to manipulate Melissa into bed isn't funny; it's predatory.  It's further worth noting that as much as Carol gets on Phil's nerves, he's also not willing to stop sleeping with her as well.  Basically, Phil feels like the cock in the chicken coop makes him a hot commodity.

I did like Melissa and Carol coming together for a time and choosing each other over Phil, as any sensible woman would do.  The problem however is that neither of these two women have been developed.  Melissa is the sex object and Carol is the eternal cock blocker.  They are little more than walking tropes.

This was much more fun when sparky was the one being tortured by this show.

Dark Deceit (Dark #1) by Lauren Dawes

Bryn is a Valkyrie, leader of her sisters especially now they had broken away from Odin. But despite the rift, she is the key to Odin’s immortality

And Loki is loose – and looking for vengeance

Korvain also hunts Bryn, seeking to bring down Odin in revenge for his lost people and at the commands of his clan leader – but shortly after meeting Brynn his resolve crumbles and he soon finds himself in the role of protector, not assassin.

I have to say I hate the way that women are depicted in this book. All of them. Now, there are possibly some women in this book who I may have appreciated if they were separate, but collectively it’s just one mass of badness

Most of them are victims. And not just victims, but pretty much helpless victims. Frigg, powerful goddess, is thoroughly demonised before becoming a victim; we never see one scrap, one iota of power or capability from her. The Valkyries – VALKYRIES! Warrior women, dressed in mail with blood stained weapons – exist to be a collection of damsels to be saved. We never see any real fight or power from them – they’re just hunted down one by one, put up no fight and are easily brought down. The whole book revolves around rescuing and protecting these utterly helpless figures.

Even their leader and our supposed protagonist, Bryn, is an immensely frustrating figure. She never actually does anything. She constantly talks a good game but we never see her fight or actually show any toughness or even make a good decision. Or make a decision at all. When her sisters are targeted she has a tantrum, falls apart and asks a man to go check on them. She doesn’t even all them and ask them all to gather up – she sends a man round to help. Her one and only attempted plan is to sacrifice herself and hope that Loki, the big bad, doesn’t hurt anyone else and can be trusted

Her master plan is to trust Loki. No, really.

At least there’s a big strong man to rescue her!

As well as victimisation there’s some severely dubious sexual issues going on here. Firstly the Valkyries are all virgins – thousand year old virgins by the command of Odin. This could have been used to present Odin’s oppressive patriarchy- but no-one treats his demand as unreasonable, only his harsh punishment of Kara, a Valkyrie who broke it – as wrong. The other Valkyries MAINTAIN their virginity after they have left his side. On top of this Kara, that one Valykrie who broke the taboo, is continually sex shamed, throws herself relentlessly at Korvain and is generally cringe worthy in her utter desperation to get laid. This is also the totality of her character. And Frigg, villainous lady that she is, is of course an adulteress who tries to seduce, well, every man she sees and, again, is lacking anything else in terms of characterisation – she hates Odin (because she’s jealous of the oh-so-chaste valykries) and wants to have sex with any and all men. She is slut shamed pretty horrendously for this including the line:

“She was the one who ushered people in between her legs like it was a movie theatre about to close its doors for the screening”

Demonised or pitiable sexual woman cast against virginal protagonists of purity? That’s a trope

Then there’s Taer, the sister of Korvain’s best friend. Why does she exist? To have a crush on Korvain (like all women everywhere it seems) and to be extra angst and leverage as bad guys force menfolk’s co-operation by threatening her with rape and murder. That’s pretty much the entire point of her.

Once Upon a Time, Season 4, Episode 16: Poor Unfortunate Soul

Flashback scene, back when Killian was Captain Hook and having to placate the evil Pan to allow their presence in Neverland. They hear a beautiful siren song that draws them in – towards rocks, as siren songs are wont to. They do manage to avoid the mermaid’s wrath which Killian terms the most dangerous creature in the seas

Cut to the mermaid, a young Ursula, arguing with her dad, King of the sea because she’d rather not kill people with her beautiful voice and her mother wouldn’t have approved. That mother doesn’t have a chance to make her own opinions clear because she’s been murdered and daddy is on a full vengeance kick against all things human. Daddy hits back with a twist on the age old parental rule “so long as you live in my ocean, you live by my rules.”

So she breaks into his vault and steals a bracelet that lets her walk on land so she can sing in taverns and explain all this to Killian over a drink. After bonding over history and her voice he agrees to give her a lift to where she wants to go

To try and stop this, the Sea King enchants a sea shell to take away Ursula’s singing voice, removing her motive for leaving and gives it to Hook to use on her – something Killian agrees to do in exchange for squid ink which is powerful enough even to paralyse the Dark One.

                                             

Killian adamantly refuses to do that to Ursula – but does ask her to break into her dad’s vault to steal squid ink which works – until the Sea King hears about it and magically vanishes it. And, no, a pirate isn’t really the match of a water deity. Unable to strike him, in petty spite and revenge, Killian steals Ursula’s voice.

Bitterly furious, Ursula recognises she lost her voice because her father was determined to “protect her” and keep her as his helpless daughter – so she transforms herself into Ursula the Sea witch, a being so powerful she never needs to be protected – only to be feared.

To the present and Ursula still has her love of operatic voices before the villains get to torturing August- or avoiding torturing because Regina knows what August fears the most so can get him to talk without all the messy agonising pain and stains on the upholstery. August refers to the Mystic called Terrible Asian Stereotype The Dragon in Hong Kong who was also interested in the Author (you may not remember this as it was before the terribleness that was Neverneveragain Land and the Let-Frozen-Go-Fanfic. In fact everyone go out and treat yourselves right now with Regina and Maleficent’s wardrobes for surviving this long and sticking with it) and August has all his research (because actually seeing the Dragon may involve an actual Asian character). Rumple and the villains go ahead with the rest of the plan – which makes it clear that Regina still isn’t fully trusted.

Regina does use magic to possess Mary Margaret to give a quick update to the Charmings and their pirate mascot (thereby making Mary Margaret 1000 times more awesome in 10 seconds). Including that Rumple is back

To Belle for the dagger! Except she doesn’t have it because she gave it to Fake!Killian because she’s oddly foolish for such a smart woman. Thankfully Emma is here to point out the bleeding obvious. Hilariously Belle laments that she didn’t think Rumple could deceive her any more. Well it’s not like she made it all that hard. Perhaps if she’s worried about being deceived she shouldn’t hand out powerful magic items to pirates.

Killian decides they’ll find out the master plan by him convincing Ursula – by returning her “happy ending” since he was the one who took it in the first place.

He uses a conch shell to call her and she leaves to meet him – though still isn’t his biggest fan. He offers to return whatever shiny thing he has of her’s in exchange for Rumple’s plans. It’s on his ship – which is in the Enchanted Forest. Of course, mermaids can open portals underwater (we’ve seen Ariel do it before) and we get more poking of Killian being the one who changed Ursula. She does still have the power and brings the Jolly Roger to Storybrooke – as a tiny ship in a bottle.

The Walking Dead, Season Five, Episode Fifteen: Try

Deanna, holds Aidan's zombie killing cd lovingly and then places it in the cd player.  Reg listens thoughtfully.

Carol appears to be making a tuna casserole (does anyone really it this crap, even in a zombie apocalypse?).  When Carol looks up. Sam is looking at her through the window.

Sasha is in the guard tower and she watches through the scope as a zombie approaches the wall. For some reason, she seems to have difficulty taking the shot.

Finally, Reg cannot take the horrible music anymore and asks for it be turned off.

The zombie continues to make it's way toward the wall.

Deanna steps outside and find Carol's casserole with a note expressing sympathy for her loss.  Deanna reads the card and leaves the casserole on the front step.  Inside the house, Deanna burns the note. 

The zombie is now struggling to get inside Alexandria and Sasha finally shoots it in the head.

A zombie is making its way way through a field and is shot by Darryl.  Aaron note that there are more walkers around the area than there used to be.  Aaron wonders if there are any people around.

Deanna is watching the tape of Nicholas' testimony about what happened at the factory.  Nicholas of course lies to cover his ass.  In the meantime, Glenn is telling Rick about what a coward Nicholas was.  Nicholas explains away his exit from the revolving door, as Glenn tell Rick about watching Noah die.  Nicholas explicitly says that it was Rick's people who did this and is adamant that Rick's people need to go.  Deanna warns Nicholas that he doesn't know what she sees and that she sees a great deal.  Rick and Glenn talk about the problems with the Alexandrians and the problem with their rules.  Glenn however is adamant that they are Alexandrians now and says that they have to make this work. 

Carol looks over at the Anderson's on their front porch.  When Rick approaches, Carol tells Rick about the lock in Sam's closet to keep him safe from Pete. Apparently, Sam can hear Pete yelling,  breaking things and his mother crying.  Last month, when it got quiet, Sam found Jessie unconscious on the floor.  Rick questions why Carol cares and she simply says that he knows why.  Carol then brings up the fact that she has seen Rick talk to Jessie and that she knows he cares.  Carol states that if Ed hadn't died, she wouldn't be standing there with him right now.

Rick stands in the open holding his gun at his side when he is approached by Pete.  Pete calls to Rick several times and Rick turns with the gun behind his back and gives Pete the you should be dead look. Rick tells Pete to keep walking and Pete is shocked by his reception.  Pete finally drops his ridiculous smile and complies. 

It's 6:30 in the morning and Michonne is lying in bed.  Michonne looks over at a hamper filled with clothing and slowly gets out of bed.  Michonne lays out her sheriff's clothing, as Rosita knocks on the door.  Rosita reports that Tara is stable and that Sasha spent the night outside of the walls.   Michonne quickly grabs a shirt, leaving her sheriff's uniform behind.  The two women walk through the woods looking for Sasha.  Rosita and Michonne talk about the fact that this is the first time they have been of the outside of the walls since they arrived at Alexandria.  Rosita admits that she was screwed up after she found out about Eugene's lies and that Michonne however seems screwed up because they found something.  Michonne simply says that Noah is dead and thinks that she mentally fell asleep inside the walls.  Michonne does not want to forget what they have been through and Rosita suggests that she not give up.

Deanna stares at the graves and Rick approaches to say that he is sorry about the loss of Aidan.  Rick then brings up Pete, to which Deanna says that she had hoped it would get better.  Rick makes it clear that it won't get better but Deanna points out that Pete is a surgeon and saves lives.  Rick wants to separate Jesse and Pete but Deanna questions what happens when Pete doesn't want to do this. Rick answers that if Pete doesn't want to leave his family, then the only solution is to kill him. Deanna however is absolutely against this, pointing out that Alexandria is civilization and that they don't kill people. Rick however believes that a warning to stop or die is civilization these days.  Deanna feels that their only option is to exile Pete and is adamant that they are not executing anyone.  Deanna adds that this sort of thinking doesn't belong in Alexandria.  Deanna tells Rick that she wouldn't kill him and would just send him away.  Little does she know how empty this threat is.

Rosita and Michonne come across zombies who have been shot in the back of the head and surmise that this Sasha's work. 

Carl is following Enid through the woods and she calls out to him that she is aware of his presence and asks him to leave because he scares her.  Carl tells Enid that she shouldn't sneak out by herself, adding that two people just died.  Enid starts running and Carl is quick to follow.  The two stop when they see a walker.  Enid winds up an egg timer and throws it in the direction of the walker.  The zombie moves toward the sound when the egg timer goes off and the kids take off in the other direction.

The Walking Dead, Season Five, Episode Fourteen: Spend

Gabriel walks into Alexandria's church and after bookmarking a place in the bible, he finds a note saying, "Father, we are blessed to have you."  Gabriel, who has mysteriously found a new collar, begins ripping pages out of the bible and then slams it shut full of angst.

On his new bike, Darryl leaves Alexandria.

Reg and Noah meet at the gazebo for an early morning meeting.  Noah requests that they start to meet regularly in the mornings so that Reg can teach him how to build things.  Noah wants to make sure the walls stay up, adding that he thinks they could get knocked in - even if  it is years from now.  Reg is impressed by this and says that Noah is thinking about the long haul.  Reg pulls out his notebook, saying that he writes down everything of note and then hands the book to Noah, adding that this will be his job in the future.  Reg says that there is going to be a lot to remember and that they are at the beginning of Alexandria.

Abraham stands at his bathroom sink and he seems to be having difficulty looking at his image in the mirror.

Noah hands Eugene a gun which he is resistant to take because he doesn't want to go on the field trip to find parts to fix the power grid.  Eugene wants to stay behind, saying that he can install the piece they need when they bring it back.  Aidan talks with his parents and kisses them briefly good bye.  Maggie and Glenn kiss goodbye, after she assures him that he has this.  Reg says that he is surprised that the power grid took this long to act up.  Diana thanks Glenn and he hops in the van.  Tara, Glenn and Noah sit in the back of the van and Aidan starts to play loud music, which makes so much sense considering that they are in a zombie apocalypse and zombies are attracted to noise.  Glenn snarks about the music scaring the zombies away. The van drives off and Gabriel steps outside and nods at Diana and Reg.

Rick heads to see Jessie and discovers that her owl sculpture has been destroyed. Jessie says that things like this never happen in Alexandria, leading Rick to question if she has any enemies.  Rick of course assigns himself the task of discovering who destroyed the owl.  Jessie asks what he will do if he finds the culprit and Rick responds that there will be some kind of consequences.

The group has arrived at the warehouse and Aidan and Nicholas just want to walk in the front door, clearly showing their lack of experience.  It's Glenn who suggests that they should have a plan and scope things out first. A zombie approaches and Noah takes it out with one shot.  They load up with weapons and start a perimeter check  to learn where the exists are.  Eugene and Tara are teamed up and Eugene the coward says that he shouldn't be there, adding that he isn't combat ready. Tara has run out of sympathy for Eugene and tells Eugene that he has to start pulling his weight.  Eugene however feels that he has pulled his weight because without him, the group would never have even thought of traveling to Washington.  Tara clarifies and informs Eugene that he didn't get them to Washington and instead, the group brought him here.  Tara calls Eugene a coward, a label he fully embraces. Noah is teamed up with Glenn and they laugh about how inexperienced Aidan is.  They come to a fenced in area and find it filled with zombies. 

The group has assembled at the entrance to the warehouse and Glenn bangs on the wall trying to attract any errant zombies which might be roaming around.  Glenn takes the leadership position and they head into the warehouse.  They stop walking when Glenn gets the feeling that they are not alone. They split up into teams again, with Tara and Eugene paring up and finding the part that they need.  Aidan starts shooting, as a zombie approaches but since it's wearing armor, he is unable to take it out. Glenn tells Aidan to wait for the zombie to get closer.  Aidan however is convinced he has it and keeps shooting, even as Glenn tells him to stop.  The zombie explodes.  When they come to, Aidan is impaled on the wall and Nicholas declares Aidan dead.  Glenn calls out for the rest of the team and Noah makes his way over to him.  Eugene calls out his location and when Glenn and Noah head over, they find an injured Tara.  A walker approaches, so Glenn tells Eugene to take it. Eugene pulls out his gun but his hands are shaking so badly, he cannot take the shot, leaving Glenn and Noah to come to the rescue.

Carol heads downstairs and finds Sam hiding in the closet.  Carol is quick to tell Sam to leave but it seems that Sam has his heart set on Carol's cookies.  Sam then adds that he wanted to work on his owl but his house is out of power. Carol being Carol, could give two shits about this and declares that nothing Sam has said amounts to a problem. Carol starts pushing Sam towards the door as he asks her to make more cookies.  Sam then asks if Carol can show him how to make the cookies and so Carol proposes a deal.  Carol tells Sam that he has to steal the chocolate from Olivia, warning that if Sam gets caught and says anything, he won't like what will happen.  Oooooh look at the flowers Sam, look at all the pretty flowers.

Bitten, Season 2, Episode 7 Bad Dreams

Ominous Savannah dreams of someone eating Elena and the ominous words “we’re all dead by dawn”

While awake, Elena is clearly badly traumatised by her experiences with Alistair. Nick and Paige are at Alistair’s base disposing of everything (it seems that all of Elena’s blood samples have disappeared though – not that Nick seems to pay much attention). Paige is also having doubts because Alistair is her half-brother and she thinks family could have changed things – something that hits a raw wound with Nick since his dad mentioned his mother’s name as he died. Of course he hasn’t gone to see her because werewolf law says you have to kill any human who learns you’re a wolf.

The Alpha Council is back in town and is being very demanding about assurances that the werewolf secret is not at risk from Malcom – or the pack’s – actions. There’s lots of sniping and little digs and they demand to see Elena. It’s quickly clear that they’re less interested in how she killed Malcolm than they are curious about how Elena, the only female werewolf, managed to survive her first change. She credits it all to Jeremy and how they should all listen to him

The new Spanish Alphas Eduardo is all stompy about Jeremy killing his last Alpha. He also decides to threaten to kill Nick (who is away from the pack) if Jeremy doesn’t kill Roman, the Russian Alpha

He tries to call Nick, but one of the Spanish wolves has stolen his phone. Clay follows Eduardo and finds him meeting with Karl – the mutt who causes so much trouble. After some strangling, Karl assures Clay that he was totally going to tell them because he is indebted to Jeremy for letting him live

Paige has decided she knows better than Nick and it’s time to take a trip to see Nick’s mother. They meet her and get all emotional over the fact she’s clearly heartbroken and pining for Nick’s dad. Which leads to Nick’s pining for what he can’t have – a family – which in turn leads to him and Paige having sex.

Except Antonio didn’t leave Lily in the dark – she has been sending her pictures of Nick showing her he’s ok. She knows Nick is her son. Nick turns and runs. When Paige tries to catch up with him to change his mind, Nick smells the werewolf hunting him

Confrontation in a corn field ends up with the Spanish wolf knocked out by Nick in wolf form – which was witnessed by Lily. Nick kills the Spanish wolf once he hears of the plot. He manages to have a moment with Lily who reveals she knows all about the werewolves, Antonio had told him – and he left to keep her safe from the secret being exposed. Nick tells her that Antonio is dead

Grimm, Season 4, Episode 14: Bad Luck

“No-one is so thoroughly superstitious as the godless man.”

Juliette has revealed her Hexenbiest face to Nick and he… pulls a gun. He think she’s Adalind in disguise (and showing a Hexenbiest face? That would be the worst disguise ever). Juliette hastily tells him things Adalind would never know. Nick steps back in shock and Juliette gives a run down of how awesomely badass she’s become (in a sad voice though). She adds that it’s permanent because that’s what Henrietta said

Which, eventually, tells Nick that Juliette told Renard before she told Nick. Nick can’t understand why she wouldn’t tell him – and she confesses she was afraid he would kill her. Like me, every other viewer on this show and probably people on the planet Zog, Nick is stunned that Juliette would think that even for a second. Nick has a massive guilt spiral, blames it all on himself for becoming a Grimm again and leaves, not knowing where he’s going

Ok I get leaving a situation you can’t handle, I do it all the time – but when the situation is someone else’s painful issue, leaving is 8 kinds of arseholery.

On to this week’s monster. A happy domestic scene has a teenager sneaking out to be with his girlfriend in the woods at night. These kids needs to watch more horror movies, especially when they split up just before creepy accordion music plays – and a wolf-man appears with a big hammer. The boy turns into a rabbit-man; this does not look like a fair fight. The kid gets his foot squished as his mother arrives screaming for help

The phone call for the investigation at least distracts Nick from his wrestling Juliette thoughts as he, Hank and Wu all gather at the crime scene. The kid, Peter, has died from losing his foot. Interviewing the mother shows she’s a rabbit-wesen but she doesn’t notice Nick’s grimmyness.

Elsewhere, a couple buys that severed rabbit-wesen foot from the man who killed Peter and he returns to his creepy accordion music. They believe the foot will help them conceive.

Nick and Juliette’s family issues continue, Nick not sleeping in the same bed that night (claiming he didn’t want to wake her – and, yet again, I have to question why this huge house only has one bedroom. Where did Truble sleep?). Nick demands to see Henrietta, alone. That is so not a good idea.