Tuesday, March 24, 2015

The Last Man on Earth, Season One, Episode Five: Dunk the Skunk

Todd pulls up in a sports car and stops in front a sign which reads alive in Tuscon.  It looks like Phil is going to loose his title as last man on earth.

Carol has latched onto Phil by the campfire as she tells Melissa that they are going to be BFF's.  The moment Carol leaves to get another bottle of wine, the conversation quickly switches to Melissa's declaration that she is horny.  Melissa is concerned with Carol getting the wrong idea and tells Phil that she really respects him for trying to make his marriage work. Besides, Melissa was cheated on once and now she hates lechers.  Carol returns with the drinks and then drags Phil off for sex.  Alone, Phil asks Carol to tone it down to spare Melissa's feelings and even wonders if they are rushing into having a children.  Carol however believes that they need to make babies for the human race to survive.

The next day, Phil heads to his ball collection to plot and scheme.  Of course he has logically worked out that for re-population to work, he needs to impregnate Melissa as well. Phil is a really winner isn't he?  He cannot even admit to himself that he is creating any reasonable possible to get into Melissa pants.  It's further telling that though he sees Carol as a massive cock block, he is unwilling to stop sleeping with her either. These are genes the human population totally needs to see passed on.

Cue Phil's creepy visit to Melissa's to sell his big plan for re-population.  He then turns around to show Melissa his ass, asking if his pants look okay on him.  It seems to me that Phil should be happy that there are only two women left because otherwise, he would most certainly be single.  Honestly, were his social skills always this bad?

Phil then starts to fake cry and goes to see Carol.  Carol being Carol, starts to soothe Phil.  The acting in this scene is so horrendous it was difficult not to change the channel.  Phil then points out to Carol that if she wants to avoid her children having to participate in incest to populate the human race that he will have to have sex with Melissa.  Carol's look at this point is a touch priceless. 

Phil makes the puppy dog face and explains that while he doesn't want to have sex with Melissa, he has to have sex with Melissa.  Phil then throws out the incest card again and Carol admits that she needs to think about this.  Was any of this supposed to be funny?  An argument quickly erupts when Phil mentions that Melissa agrees with his position, causing Carol to call him a skunk.

Later a pissed off Melissa knocks on the door after being told off by Carol.  Phil tries to play ignorant but Melissa sees right through him and makes it clear that Phil was the one who chose to marry Carol.  Melissa says that Carol was her one chance of having a girlfriend and though Phil apologises, Carol walks off angry.

That night, Phil decides to hold a dunk the skunk event, telling the women  that they cannot stay mad at him forever because he is the last man on earth.  What Phil doesn't know is that with each passing second, Todd gets closer to their location. Of course the dunk tank Phil chose is defective and each time he sits on the bench, he ends up in the tank. Yeah, I know I am supposed to be laughing at this but it's moronic at best. 

Both women ignore Phil and Melissa heads over to Carol's with a bottle of wine.  The two women head inside and reconcile, totally stunning the clueless Phil. Mercifully Phil gets out of the dunk tank and the cheap gimmick is over. Melissa and Carol finally agree to talk to Phil and they inform him that they have decided he should re-populate with both women.  Phil is then informed that he can only have sex with Melissa three days per month, three times a day until she gets pregnant.

The next morning, Carol arrives and informs Phil that today is the day he is to have sex with Melissa. Phil has actually showered for the occasion and put on a suit.  Carol actually checks to ensure that Phil has washed his genitals. 

Later, Phil escorts Melissa to the romantic setting that he has created for her. Melissa however wants to cut the B.S. and just do it.  Phil however wants to make the night special and so he grabs his guitar. He plays two notes and for each note, a firecracker goes off. The firecracker works as a beacon and leads Todd directly to their location.

Todd gets out of his car with a big smile on his face.

Is it me or was that an exceedingly long half hour?  It's episode five and I don't like a single character so far.  This has got to be the worst dystopian setting I have ever had the displeasure to view.

The writing is absolutely puerile and Phil's man child routine was tiresome in episode one.   If that were not enough, Will Forte's acting is easily the worst of the cast. Just yuck. Also, his attempt to manipulate Melissa into bed isn't funny; it's predatory.  It's further worth noting that as much as Carol gets on Phil's nerves, he's also not willing to stop sleeping with her as well.  Basically, Phil feels like the cock in the chicken coop makes him a hot commodity.

I did like Melissa and Carol coming together for a time and choosing each other over Phil, as any sensible woman would do.  The problem however is that neither of these two women have been developed.  Melissa is the sex object and Carol is the eternal cock blocker.  They are little more than walking tropes.

This was much more fun when sparky was the one being tortured by this show.