American Horror Story Season 5 (Hotel), Episode: 5: Room Service

Alex is now a vampire – but still a doctor (and naturally checks out her less than normal body temperature). Walking around the hospital she finds her new vampirism slightly disorientating. She’s also consuming blood bags – yum yum. I ask again, don’t hospitals and other medical establishments keep a track of their blood? Do they have such an extreme surplus they don’t need to count? I know they’re not desperate but I would have thought some accounting system would be useful.

The measles boy, Max, she’s treating is in a terrible condition (Vaccinate your kids!) and Alex has the perfect cure – her vampire blood. He makes a miraculous recovery, of course.

Which is nice, until he goes home and eats his parents (Vaccinate your kids or your kids will eat you!). Then he goes to school which is having a Hallowe’en event. And at school he plays a nice game with his friend involving them tasting each other’s blood and killing the teacher for his friends to snack on.

Soon this spreads – dead teachers and turning children everywhere (vaccinate your kids or you will start a baby vampire apocalypse!)

This spreads to the other teachers – even the good one who calls out one of her fellows for wearing an appropriative Native American costume while not being Native American (I think another teacher is dressed as a costume shop Rroma as well). All are eaten, sadly including the sensible one. (Vaccinate your kids! Or sensible people get eaten as well as those in racist hallowe’en costumes!)

Police arrive and find an utter bloodbath. Of course they save the poor poor children and get them out to their terrified snackfood parents. They blame a fictional masked man for the massacre all telling the same story.

This is how The Strain starts but with more costumes and less dicks falling off.

Alex returns to the hotel and her vampire son Holden – and the assurance she can stay forever so long as she obeys the rules: to be a governess. There’s also the possibility of her connecting with John. Alex and Holden go into one big coffein for the pair of them.

Donovan also has a new vampire to deal with and takes his newly vampiric mother to Ramona. She’s presents Iris as the perfect inside man for their scheme to bring down the Countess. She is perfect because she’s “invisible” among all the young beautiful people, Iris is ignored. Ramona is torn between admiring Donovan’s ruthlessness and scorning him for it.

Iris returns to the hotel and is clearly not entirely invisible – because Liz sees her and knows exactly what happened and what Iris is. She feeds her blood and tells her she has to feed on fresh living blood. Iris is not happy about getting immortality at her age – she angrily tells Liz how invisible she is as an older woman, how completely forgotten and invisible she is and will be forever.

Supernatural, Season 11, Episode 5: Thin Lizzie

Massachusetts, a haunted B&B, terrible music (and a reference to the awful Ghost-facers) and people who are just begging to be murdered. Chop chop, wish granted

Apparently it’s the Lizzie Borden B&B and museum – actually Lizzie Borden’s actual house. Sam thinks it’s a case, Dean thinks it’s a serial killer but, as has been touched on before, Sam has, as Dean puts it, a serial killer fetish and he’s looking for an excuse to go visit the house. Castiel is still completely addicted to Netflix.

They arrive and book themselves into the crime scene room – and the learn that the dead guy was a descendant of the original Bordens. Dean also faces the horror of chintz – CHINTZ EVERYWHERE.

Lots of snooping follows and both Dean and Sam find numerous fake gadgetry designed to create all kinds of spookiness. Dean puts it all down to a tourist trap. Though there was someone taking photos with an old-timey camera who ran when Dean saw him

Except the owner of the inn is then brutally murdered as well. Time for Sam and Dean to impersonate federal agents. The local police do say the guy taking photos was Lem, a ghost fanatic but basically harmless

Another crime scene not in the area also drags them in – Sam goes to play FBI agent only to find the bereaved wife very hostile to him. Sam finds this odd, but the local police (reasonably) accept that loss makes people act oddly.

Dean’s interview with Lem basically reveals someone with a rather unhealthy obsession with Lizzie Borden, but, yes kind of harmless. Until he finds a symbol for the Darkness in his house. He ran into Amarra at the Borden house – and tells Dean that Amarra has aged to 12 years old. She also ate his soul – but didn’t kill him. It has left him slightly bereft, uninterested in just about everything, including his previous obsession. He’s desperate for Amarra to fix him – he no longer feels anything, he only imitates how he should act.

Dean realises this is soul eating – having remembered Sam all soulless. Dean also thinks they can’t kill Lem until he shows it’s dangerous – which concerns Sam because they’re supposed to be saving people. Not killing them. Bad Dean. Though they do have a brief debate of why Lem doesn’t become a vicious killer like Sam did when he had no soul – and Dean nominates Sam to deliver the bad news. Sam asks why him. I ask why he asks this question – seriously would anyone in the world ever want Dean to deliver bad news? Ever?

The Librarians, Season Two, Episode One: And the Drowned Book

Then

When last we saw The Librarians, magic had  returned to the world and the ley lines reopened. Nine months ago, Prospero took the complete works of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's, Sherlock Holmes from a book shelf. Prospero opeeds the book and placeed it on the floor.  With his hands he created a magical sphere and smoke poured from the book.  The smoke shifted into none other than Moriarty. Well, the Librarians are in trouble now.

Today 

Jenkins watches as objects begin to flash and disappear from the Library.  The bookcases start to move and crash to the floor.

Eve sits in a boat as Flynn pulls it down a river.  The plan is to enter a village to collect an idol but when we see them next, they are being chased by the villagers.  When Eve and Flynn return to the Library, she points out that they haven't seen the other Librarians since they left and wonders if they should check on them.  Flynn tells Eve not to worry because they are doing what Librarians do. Rather than dealing with Eve's concern, Flynn decides that they should check out shipwreck exhibit and the museum of history in New York when the books opens and reveals clippings about the event.

 Jake is somewhere in Asia and he is being chased. When he opens his book, he sees a clipping about the museum.

Cassandra is at a lab and when she opens her book, she sees the same clipping.

Jones has once again broken into somewhere.  His phone signals (yes, Jones made his book digital) and like the others, he has a notification about the museum event

Jake returns to the library and is welcomed back by Jenkins.  Cassandra arrives right after Jake and  is followed by Jones.  All of the librarians head off to New York without even seeing each other, or becoming aware that they are on the same mission.

Flynn and Eve approach the shipwrecked Isola Perduta.  Eve warns Flynn about his wallet, as Jones tries to slip by and is grabbed by Eve. Cassandra and Jake show up and explain that the librarians together but split up after Peru.  A tornado suddenly appears in the sky as the librarians head inside. Flynn suggests that they find out what the shipwreck has to do with the storm, but it seems that Jake's notice is about a chess set that was donated the museum, Cassandra's about new high frequency weather sonar equipment and Jones is about jewelry.  Eve suggests that they pool their resources but Jones thinks that they should each do their own job.  All the librarians say that they all kind of have their own style and Flynn is quick to support them. The conversation is end when James Moriarty announces that no one will be allowed to leave because of flooding. As he speaks, Moriarty takes note of Flynn in the gathered crowd.

Jake goes after his target and finds a series of chess sets.  Jones approaches a woman from the Italian delegation and he gets his flirt on but his shot down.  Cassandra rushes up the stairs to the National Weather Station to find people starting to evacuate, leaving her alone.  Eve suggests to Flynn that they should ask for some help because checking out the artifacts might take a while but Flynn, being Flynn, responds that doesn't need any help. Eve approaches Moriarty to ask if he knows about the exhibit but Flynn cuts her off saying that the man she is talking to is James Worth, professor of antiquities from Oxford university.  When Moriarty asks how he discerned his identity, Flynn replies that it was,"elementary."  Really Librarians?  No, that wasn't at all forced.  Moriarty returns the favour by revealing that he not only knows Flynn's name but knows that Flynn is a Librarian and finishes off with "elementary." Yeah I am rolling my eyes really hard now.  Moriarty charms Eve by calling her a Duchess but Flynn snarks that Eve's accent should have given her away.  Moriarty walks off with Eve.

Cassandra has manged to boot up the power and is using the computer to investigate the storm. When she puts on the headset, she can hear a sound in the storm.  Cassandra sends it Jenkins, who records it and she reveals that she cannot see a mathematical formula to explain the sound. Jenkins asks her to put aside logic and mathematics for a moment and asks Cassandra what it sounds like to her.  Cassandra says that it sounds sad.  Jake bursts in asks Cassandra to write down the relative densities of any stone she thinks someone might make a chess piece out of. Cassandra tells him that he could look this up on her own but he responds that she is faster than the internet.  Jones bursts in and asks Jake to write down some Italian cultural stuff: paintings, poem etc.  Jake questions why they stopped working together and Jones responds that Jake kept ordering him around and Cassandra kept taking Jake's side.  Cassandra says that she tried to get Jake and Jones to stop arguing and wonders why they can work so well together at the library but not when they are on their own. Right so this whole thing is going to be about the fact that the librarians get more accomplished together than apart.

First Circle Club (First Circle Club #1) by Alex Siegel

Virgil didn’t lead a good life – not totally awful or he would have been banished to a lower circle of Hell than the first circle – but not a good one. Facing a dull eternity in limbo stretches ahead of him – until something unprecedented happened: a soul escaped Hell.

And not just any soul – but a serial killer hunting teeangers.

Equally unprecedented the demons of Hell and the Angels of Heaven decide only humans can bring this escaped soul back – 2 from the first circle of Hell, 2 from the first circle of Heaven. None of them saintly but none of them totally evil – the four of them have the diverse skills and powers to return the killer where he belongs.

I love the entire concept of this series – Heaven, Hell, demons and angels the different layers of both. The whole concept of the judgement and the different sides arguing and throwing law and precedent and treaty back and forth was hilarious

The whole concept of the treaty between the two sides – and all the loop holes and amendments they’ve had to produce to try and cover everything. I can see it so well and it’s such a lot of fun. On top of that all the demons and angels are such creatures of the contract that they have little imagination or skill or intelligence beyond their designated roles. And I love that they have budgets for divine or infernal interventions.

And so we have our protagonists – people in the first level of Hell who are bad – but not quite that bad. And the people in the first level of Heaven who are good… but not quite that good.  Virgil and Lisa from Hell and Sara and Arthur from heaven. As a team they work well for having a lot of excellent complimentary skills which makes all of them very valuable contributors

I say that but I do think the story focused mainly on Virgil and Arthur, leaving Lisa, a Black woman and Sara a White woman in lesser role. Part of this is the nature of their powers – Lisa’s power is to be able to hurt with a touch while Sara has the power to heal. Despite all of the combat in the series and Lisa definitely been the most dangerous of them, the true powers that are used are the social powers – Virgil’s power causes shame and Arthur’s causes trust

iZombie, Season 2, Episode 5: Love & Basketball

Liv and Major are making out but Liv still has worries about whether zombieness is transmittable and after sexy questions about mouth sores and toothbrushing, she calls time. Major is still eager but Liv is firm in the face of sexy Major’s sexiness

Liv has a lot more self-control than me.

We then see a random guy get murdered. Ok (I’m going to assume that this isn’t just iZombie looking at its fellow shows an thinking “damn, we don’t have enough dead Black people” and this is the week’s murder).

The next day Liv checks Major out for deadness and reveals she is an unholy abomination – she can’t make coffee. Liv continues to worry about how they cannot possibly have a future together. Major continues to be horny (despite Liv’s coffee murdering ways).

Liv’s called out to the murder and, yes, dead security guard called Mike is this week’s murder. Ravi makes a Bon Jovi based pun over the body and reminds us all that he’s totally totally awesome. He and Liv continue to be gloriously sarcastic.

Clive also demands psychic visions – before Liv’s have chance to snack on gooey brains. Naturally this achieves nothing before she creates another of her disturbingly appetising recipes. Now all brained up, she comments on basketball (Mike was a basketball coach for kids) and Clive has another of her big personality/knowledge changes and at some point he’s really going to have to notice something wrong with her.

Those kids he coaches have an idea who may have killed Mike – a rather over the top parent. They really really hate this guy.

Off they go see the man, TJ, who is grossly unpleasant, violent, homophobic and generally needs a good axe-murdering. Liv has a vision of TJ hitting his kid and Mike calling the CPS over him. Clive decides to visit TJ that night to warn him about hitting his son – and when TJ pokes him, Clive punches him – repeatedly.

Clive is still suspicious about the end of the last season and all the drama there – and his questions to Suzuki’s widow ruffle feathers which gets him in hot water with his boss, Lt Lavore. It doesn’t help that fun FBI agent makes him laugh through the window. Bad FBI agent! No cookie!

She later asks why Clive was taken off the case of Suzuki’s death – and he tells her how the official story is neat and makes for cool headlines… his digging for a messier truth was not popular. She is still following up the missing rich people (that Blaine was selling for brain experience snacks) – and found the hair of said rich guy at Blaine’s charcuterie where Suzuki died.

The Iron Warrior (Iron Fey #7, Call of the Forgotten #3) by Julie Kagawa

Ethan wakes up – which is something of a surprise since his uncle, Keirran, stabbed him to destroy the Veil

He isn’t dead and the Veil hasn’t been destroyed – but Keirran has joined the Forgotten and their terrible Queen in their war against the other courts. Even Meghan, his mother and the Iron Queen will be forced to move against him.

Unless Ethan can save Keirran from himself – and the whole of the NeverNever with him

My main love of the Iron Fae series is the world. The different fae courts, their politics, their magic how they all combat each other – I’ve always liked this world and it’s an excellent backdrop or adventures.

Ethan is this book’s protagonist… in the past I haven’t been a big fan of Ethan. In a way he’s an excellent every-man except for his combat skills. He’s not… stellar in any real way, I find him kind of bland, to be honest, especially next to the major personalities around him. But this book he did have some excellent character growth and maturity that made me like him a little more

The star of the book had to be Kenzie – she works so excellently well with Ethan and, in a genre full of action heroes who can kick arse, she showed us a powerful character who wasn’t defined by her ability to break things. She’s clever, she’s prepared. She has a big pack of useful items. She can negotiate with the fae because she thinks. She’s the brains and she’s one of the most powerful characters because of that. Ethan may be able to stab things, but ultimately Kenzie is the one who knows you need costume jewellery to bribe yourself over a bridge, or to carry a big canister of salt. It’s Kenzie who is most able to cut through the fairy politics and make raging, uncooperative fae stop and think for 5 seconds. Ethan can stab things, but it’s Kenzie with the brain to direct that stabbing.

More than any other character she works with the world. The other characters either have swords or woo-woo enough that they don’t really interact with the intricacies of the world. It’s Kenzie who has to work with how the world works, who knows the bargains and the rules and the loop holes and so it’s she who most shows of the world.

The Leftovers, Season 2, Episode 5: No Room at the Inn

Matt continues to focus on his wife, he has cameras focused on her all through the night so he can watch them and see if there’s any response at al. There isn’t, even as he cares for her, cleans her and clothes her.

He continues his daily life, taking her with him everywhere. She never responds as the routine goes on and on. Matt becomes less and less positive and more and more worn down and more and more desperate. The pattern he’s repeating from the food he eats to the places he visits are all copying exactly what happened last time when Mary spoke to him – only it’s not repeating.

Matt breaks his routine to take Mary out of the town for a doctor’s appointment – again we’re reminded how extreme this town is in being isolated from the people outside with only one narrow, heavily policed bridge in and hordes of people trying to get inside, running the gauntlet past the violent rangers.

And one of the doctors tells Matt that Mary is pregnant. Matt is shocked – they never could have children before. Whoa whoa whoa, never mind fertility, has he been having sex with her while she’s utterly incapable of communicating consent?!

The doctor warns him that she’s unlikely to be able to carry the baby to turn before hitting my outrage – Mary cannot possibly consent for anything. To which Matt insists that the ex happened during her miraculous wakeful period (which means I am both relieved and trying to avoid speculating on how bad Matt is in bed if she returned to a comatose state afterwards). The doctor is not that impressed with his explanation.

Matt is now completely elated over the pregnancy. So elated he stops to help someone with car trouble – who then bludgeons him for his Miracle wrist-band, breaking his hand to get it. Matt wakes up – because Mary is awake and telling him to get theme to Miracle.

His car disabled, he has to walk to Miracle, pushing Mary in a wheelchair. He manages to get to Miracle and through the crowds. At the gate, Matt has to try and convince the brutal rangers that he’s actually a resident – and surprisingly he is treated with compassion and allowed to go to the visitor’s centre to get a replacement wrist band.

Once Upon a Time, Season 5, Episode 6: The Bear and the Bow

In Camelot, Merlin, Killian, David and Belle break into the dungeon and free Lancelot and Merida because Merlin is kind of like having a pocket nuclear weapon (making Killian and David pointless but Belle’s brains still useful). They have to convince Merida to leave without her wisps and her key to finding her brothers

As they leave Merida knocks Bell unconscious and kidnaps her so she can use her book smarts and magic to find her brothers. Merida reminds us of her motivation – she’s not going to give up her thrown or marry someone she doesn’t want to simply because they don’t think a woman can rule.

First step is to go visit the witch’s house to use her cauldron for a little scrying for her brothers and the three men determined to marry Merida. They learn that the men intend to kill her brother’s by the end of the day. Merida seizes on changing their fate – which is a spell which will change her into a bear. Belle rejects that, having seen Merida’s supernaturally awesome skill with a bow, she doesn’t see why Merida needs to become a bear.

Merida explains she doesn’t trust her archery because she missed the shot that would have saved her father’s life in battle so, like every hero everywhere in the history of fiction, totally blames herself. She blames that moment for the clans losing faith in her as well.

Merida confronts the clans and drinks the bear potion – which doesn’t work because Belle swatched the potion with water – to make Merida face him as a Queen.

As the clans men shoot her brothers she shoots their arrows out of the air with her own arrow. One arrow to hit all three of theirs. Duly intimidated everyone backs down and kneels to the Queen.

Back to Merlin and Emma, Merlin reminds Emma that he saw her when she was a young child. He reminds her of his warning not to draw Excalibur.

To the present! Rumple smashes the teacup to get a shard of porcelain to cut through his ropes. He escapes and is gone when Merida brings Emma to the camp. Emma’s happy though – it proves to her that Rumple is willing to fight for Belle (does it? I’d interpret it as him willing to smash his memories of Belle if he can get his own chance to escape). Anyway her plan is to order Merida to kill Belle, forcing Rumple to protect her

Rumple finds Belle and after some cowering they are reunited with Rumple acknowledging how much he totally doesn’t deserve Belle standing by him. He also tells Belle Emma’s plan – and is smart enough to realise how Emma plans to make him into a hero.