Fangs for the Fantasy Episode 125

This week we discuss the season finale of Orphan Black, Game of Thrones and Continuum.

The Book of Week is Shapeshifted by Cassie Alexander.

3rd June - 10th June: Binding the Shadows by Jenn Bennet

10th June - 17th June: The Fury by L.J. Smith

17th June - 24th June: The Mermaid’s Madness by Jim C Hines
24th June - 1st July: Hunted by Kevin Hearne
1st July - 8th July: White Trash Zombie Apocalypse by Diana Rowland

Orpan Black, Season One, Episode Ten: Endless Forms Most Beautiful

Sarah checks on Kira and then heads back downstairs and asks Amelia if she is ready to see her.  Amelia quickly stands and says that since she carried them both that she needs to see Helena. Mrs. S says that she does not believe that nine months of gestation entitles Amelia to risk them all. Sarah walks Mrs. S away from Amelia and tells her that Helena is her twin sister and that she has a right to know. Mrs.S points out that Helena is dangerous but Sarah reminds Mrs.S that Helena has had her whole world turned inside out just like she has. Sarah suggests that should decide what to do with Helena dependent on how she reacts to Amelia. 

They all head downstairs and Amelia pauses to tell Sarah that she needs to see her privately because she has something for her from back then about her invitro treatments.  They walk over to Helena and Sarah tells Helena that Amelia is her birth mother.  When Helena starts to scoff, Sarah warns her that she had better listen to what Amelia has to say, or she will turn her over to Leekie.  Helena asks Amelia how she can be her mother and Amelia replies that she is indeed her birth mother.

Upstairs, Mrs.S is going through Amelia's things and when she finds a sealed envelope, she opens it. Inside she finds a picture of a woman that looks very much like Sarah and a young Leekie.  Kira comes downstairs and asks who is there.  Mrs.S assures her that everything is fine but Kira tells her that she think that something bad is going to happen again.

Sarah tells Helena that their connection is that all of them were implanted by doctors. Amelia tells Helena that she hid her because she felt that she was in danger. Helena realises that this means that Sarah is her twin sister.  Sarah tells Helena that she does not want to be her twin sister but does want her to know that she is not the original and was born of science - not in some immaculate room or whatever bullshit Tomas fed her. 

Someone knocks upstairs so Sarah rushes upstairs as Helena tries to escape downstairs.  Sarah pushes Amelia to the side and tells her to say that she was just visiting.  The cop burst through the door and call out Sarah's name. Art and Angela with guns pointed arrest Sarah, as Kira watches from the stairs.  In the basement, Helena has escaped through a window.

Sarah is sitting in an interrogation room when Art walks in says that he still sees Beth.  Sarah tells him that she did not kill Beth. Art says that she watched Beth commit suicide and then went straight for her wallet. Art shows her a picture of the German and asks who she is, then points out that Sarah has been obstructing the investigation since the moment she took over Beth's life.  Art adds that she is the prime suspect and Sarah tells him that she didn't kill her.  Art tells Sarah that he has Felix in custody for abetting and Kira will be a lonely little girl unless she starts talking.  Sarah tells that he won't believe it and Art says to try him.

Allison is working out to an exercise video when her doorbell rings.  She heads to the door and it's Dr. Elvis Leekie.  Allison tells him that she is armed and asks him what he wants.  Leekie replies, "to make amends."  Leekis is now sitting at Allison's table and asks about the contract he wants her to sign.  Leekie says that it's more like a treaty - rules that both sides will abide by.  Allison points out that everything that they have done is illegal and that they must think that she is stupid suburban Allison.  Leekie says that it's quite the opposite and that she is a pragmatic and decisive individual. Leekie adds that now that Allison is self aware that they can start to answer some of her questions.  Allison is not pacified and says that she no longer wants answers, just her life back. Allison adds that he wants her life back, her privacy back, Leekie out of her life and for things to be normal again.  Leekie tells her that he is glad that she said that and hands her a contract claiming that it will enshrine her family's freedom and guarantees protection from the likes of Helena. The contract also stipulates that Allison will be unmonitored. This gets Allison's attention and she sits down next to Leekie.  He adds that in return for this, Allison has to agree to twice the medical testing but assures her that it will be private and non invasive.  Leekie tells her that though he doesn't want to scare her there are medical concerns like Katja's respiratory disorder and Helena's mental disorder. He adds that regular testing is in everyone's best interests and suggests that she discuss it with Sarah and Cossima.  Before leaving, Leekie says that as a gesture of good faith that Allison's monitor has been lifted.

Angela is questioning Felix and points out that he purposefully misidentified the body of a police officer.  Felix claims that it was a terrible case of mistaken identity. Angela tells him that it's fraud and will amount to 2-5 years with his prior convictions.  Felix says again that he thought it was his sister and adds that Angela really needs to get laid. Angela replies, "tell me about it, but all I seem to meet are gay men." Angela then asks if he wants a public defender and promises to get him a real shitty one.

Cossima gets off a bus and starts to cough when she looks at her hand, she realises that she is coughing up blood. Leekie is there to meet her and asks to give her a lift to her hotel, claiming to have an offer she might find interesting.

Back at the station, Sarah is still sitting in an interrogation room when Art returns holding Beth's phone. He plays the message Sarah left for him earlier and tells her that Beth killed herself and he didn't see it coming. Art asks her to help him and help Beth.  Sarah says that there is a reason that they look exactly alike, why the prints match and why the DNA is all screwed up.  She starts to cry and tells Art that he has to promise to protect her and Kira.  Art replies if that is what she needs then he promises. Daniel Rosen walks into the room and tells Art that the interview is over and demands that Sarah be unshackled immediately. Rosen tells Art that Sarah will be leaving with them.

Cossima is in a limo with Leekie and he hands her an unsigned contract to the Dyad institute and points out that it has very generous compensation. Leekie tells Cossima that they want to work with her and hands her a complete sequence of her genome and adds that his offer is the freedom to study herself and her sisters. When Cossima does not answer, Leekie tells her that they share them same concerns about stability and points out that nobody is more concerned than Cossima.

Sarah is now walking with Rosen and informs her that they had Felix released as well.  When they approach Paul, he asks for a minute. Rosen leaves Paul and Sarah alone and he tells her that she left him hanging with Leekie when she didn't show up.  Sarah asks him if he works for Leekie now and he tells her that they still have Afghanistan on him. Sarah asks what he means and he tells her that she changed the game for everyone and now he can only help her from here. Paul suggests that Sarah listen to what they have to say and Sarah asks if she has a choice before walking away.

Sarah walks forward and she meets a woman who looks exactly like her.  The woman introduces herself as Rachel Duncan and says that they are going to come to terms. They have a seat and Rachel goes through a contract which formalizes disclosure with what she calls "top side." Sarah asks about top side and it means that "20 more robot bitches will walk in." Rachel tells her that she is not an orphan anymore and that her role is to transition her to self awareness.  Sarah says that maybe she should embrace the fact that she is a clone and go on Oprah.  Rachel tells her that they are not the enemy and that Helena and her ilk are.  Sarah says that if she wants to help she can tell her what she is doing there and what they are for. Rachel pushes the contract forward and says that it defines disclosure.  Rachel adds that they want her trust and she wants precious answers about who she is but above all Rachel adds that she knows Sarah wants to make the right choice for Kira.  Rachel tells Sarah that she is lucky to be a mother.  Rachel says that the forced behind Helena will not stop and that the most important thing for Sarah is protection for her and Kira. Sarah puts the contract on the table and says that she will get by on her own.  Rachel points out that she will be scrambling to stay alive and if she takes the deal she will be free live her own life with Kira, provided for and unmonitored.  Sarah stands and repeats that she is not interested and leaves. Rachel calls out that she has 24 hours to think about it and that they expect an answer by midnight tomorrow.

Allison and Sarah are at Felix's and Allison says that they are offering them a truce. Sarah says that Rachel didn't feel like a truce and was more like a gun to the head.  Felix interjects that while he and Sarah were being arrested that Helena escaped.  There's a knock at the door and it turns out to be Cossima. Cossima tells Sarah that she shold have listened to her about Delphieand the two hug.  Cossima shows Sarah the the offer from Leekie and Allison asks what she is planning on doing.  Cossima says that they have to know their own biology and that this is what it's all about. Sarah says that she cannot trust Rachel and Cossima agrees because Kira could be who they are really after if she is the first child of a clone.  Allison asks who Rachel is so that if she shows up at her door one day, she will know who she is.  Sarah tells them that Amelia said she heard doctors back in the day discussing neolution and Felix realises that Rachel is a pro clone.  Allison says that if there aren't anymore spies in her life and her kids are safe that she is inclined to take the offer. Cossima tells Allison that it's okay and that it's her choice.  Cossima gets a text from Delphine saying that she just got off a plane. Sarah grabs her coat and says that Delphine probably wants to help but she is heading to Mrs. S' because she wants to be there when Kira wakes up. Sarah adds that they should make their own decisions but she is not trusting anybody.

Shapeshifted (Edie Spence Series #3) by Cassie Alexander

Edie is depressed. Since being shunned by the vampires and losing her job on Y4 she has settled into a much more routine, much safer existence as a nurse in a sleep clinic

It’s also dreadfully deadfully boring. She’s lonely, she’s lost purpose and she’s lost the advantages the Shadows could have given her

Which would be especially useful when her mother reveals she has terminal cancer. Only a miracle or magic could save her. Or vampire blood

Which means Edie needs a new way into the supernatural community that is shunning her. Chasing what desperate leads she can takes her to a charitable clinic in a poor area of town, searching for Santa Muerte. Working again as a nurse, she quickly finds herself in a much more energetic and dangerous environment – there may not be werewolves and vampires coming through the door – but there are gunshot wounds and gang members.

And something far more involved – magic and vampires hidden carefully from her, unless she can get someone to trust her with their secrets and maybe give her the key to healing her mother.

It’s awesome, go read it.

Why are you still here? Go read it! Go go go!

You haven’t read the previous books? Then go, read them, then read this.

Ok, fine, I suppose I’ll do a review beyond “awesome.”

Firstly, this is a story where I didn’t know where it was going until it went there. At no point did I anticipate what was going to happen, at no point did I guess the ending, at no point did I guess what Edie was going to do or what was going to happen to her. This story was original from the very beginning, lacking in clichés and left me guessing all the way through. I can’t stress how rare that is, how many books I can at least feel the shape of its going to end – but not this book, this book was a complete discovery right until the very last page.

I didn’t only not know what was going to happen, but I was completely surprised on several occasions. I can’t even refer to them without providing spoilers which would be a crime against humanity for which I would be (rightfully) shot. But I was very very surprised indeed.

It’s this uniqueness and surprise that makes it hard for me to talk about the plot because its originality is something precious not to be spoiled. But in terms of pacing, style, descriptiveness and general writing skill, this book hits the spot. It’s descriptive enough to get a full, powerful sense of the setting, without being overdone and dragging. We have the twists and the mystery and Edie’s lost, confused frustration of it all, without it being slow or slumped while at the same time not rushing through these scenes or skipping over any side issues. It’s an extremely well written book that you can easily read in one setting with brief pauses to growl angrily at people interrupting you; I suggest stocking up on aerodynamic objects for easy throwing.

I also really liked Edie as a character. She is strong and capable and competent within her field, being intelligent, hard working, dedicated and compassionate – which doesn’t involve super combat skills or being the most beautiful of them all or some special shiny magic power that is more special and shiny than them all. She has a life outside of the woo-woo, she has a family and thy have real, mundane problems that hit mundane, real people all the time. She has a job, she makes money, she needs to make money. She is a good person without being a dramatic, martyred saint. She gets irritable, she gets tired, she feels disgust when some poor unfortunate is filthy or smelly or otherwise revolting even while she helps them.

She’s such a real character – part of that is her job, this is one of those books where you can tell the author knows the profession inside and out – Edie is a nurse and it’s clear that Cassie Alexander is a nurse as well. But it’s also how she lives and reacts – like the time she spent on Y4 were high stress and dangerous – but now she is without that daily danger and that daily purpose of saving people’s lives she is not just bored but depressed as well; she has lost a lot of meaning in her life, even when it came with risk. Not only meaning but friendships and connections, a wider family of people who liked her and understood.

Her desperate urge to cling for a solution for her mother comes close to her doing the same for her brother (even as she has reached her last straw with him – again, not a saint) and even though, as readers, you can say “no stop, bad idea” it’s also clear that it’s something we’d all do if we had any possible hint of a way to save a parent. But at the same time this excellent, real character grows and by the end of the book we have her overtly addressing the fact she constantly lives for other people and needs to start making choices that put her more front and centre.

Fangs for the Fantasy Book of the Week

Every week on the Fangs for the Fantasy podcast (archives here) we read a book and discuss it on the show. The review for the book of the week always goes up on a Monday

Our podcast broadcasts at 6:30pm EST, which is 11:30pm GMT

To give people a chance to read along with us, every Monday we’re also going to include a list of our planned books of the week for the next few shows, so people can get the books, read them and join in the conversation

27th May - 3rd June: Shapeshifted by Cassie Alexander

3rd June - 10th June: Binding the Shadows by Jenn Bennet

10th June - 17th June: The Fury by L.J. Smith

17th June - 24th June: The Mermaid’s Madness by Jim C Hines
24th June - 1st July: Hunted by Kevin Hearne

Da Vinci's Demons, Season 1, Episode 7: The Hierophant

Time for another episode of his Hetness, Leonardo Da Vinci and his love of beautiful women and now, apparently, vampire slaying.

Which now brings us, presumably, to Rome. From Wallachia, using Leo’s patented teleporter device (it’s a special design, powered by waves of heterosexuality), so Leo can spy on Riario putting flowers on a woman’s grave – Celia Lysimachus. Zoroaster comments that’s a Jewish name which explains why, in anti-Semitic Renaissance Italy, she’s buried in a pauper’s grave. Of course they’re looking for a key and have the problem of “Rome” being a really imprecise location for said key, but Leo can think of one place where it Riario would hide it – the Vatican secret archives.

Leo & co hide among the Jewish ghetto in disguise on the assumption that the guards will just ignore them. Which, I suppose there is truth that invisible minorities are often ignored – but equally persecuted minorities usually face heightened scrutiny from the guards and similar authority figures. Anyway the Jewish community is helping them because friends of Zoroaster are always welcome (he says with a bit of poking at Zoroaster anyway). Zoroaster really wonders if Leo is that determined to break into a prison but there’s never any point arguing with Leo.

Leo has an opium dream about his special straight love, Lucrezia about how much she loves him and why can’t he say he loves her back – ending with her stabbing him and him waking up. And having a genius moment in the wash basin. Scuba diving their way into the Vatican!

In his steampunk scuba gear, Leo works his way through the river and sewers under the Vatican while Zoroaster and Nico work the bellows (hey, maybe he’ll come up in the Pope’s murder pond).  There is a brief moment of panic when Zoroaster and Nico stop pumping air to pose as totally not-suspicious midnight fishermen, but all goes well.

And in Rome the pope and Riario meet… the Duke of Umberto. Who is happy to play “I don’t know what you’re talking about” when they confront him about his alliance with Lorenzo. Until Riario offers him money to fight against Florence – which offends the Duke.

Leo finishes his drilling in the sewers under the Vatican – and cuts a hole into the Pope’s murder pond, I knew it! Quite displeasing the pope who was denied his obligatory nude scene and now has a Leonardo Da Vinci coming out of his bath.

Leo advances, the Pope backs up while praising his entrance. He threatens the Pope with his collapsible machine crossbow (just run with it) but far be it from the Pope to be intimidated. Still Leo’s a genius so spots the hidden passage. The pope shows Leo the archive and Leo is both awed and outraged over how much has been gathered through bloodthirsty tyranny. When the pope tries to point out the anti-violence man is pointing a crossbow at him, Leo counters with the truth that the man who tried to have him burned alive doesn’t get to play word games – though the Pope denies that he could have employed the denouncer since it’s in a woman’s handwriting and he’d never ever employ a woman! The pope pulls out his ace – join the dark side and you can be a sith lord too! Or maybe the guy who gets to play in the secret archive anyway. And they have nifty steampunk lifts.

Down to the special section with super shinies including a dinosaur skull and Excalibur embedded in stone. And the pope pulls out the Spear of Destiny, the Spear of Loginus. Leo focuses on the key though and the pope says the Sons of Mithras are just a society that works to advance the Ottoman Sultan. Oh and he knows about Leo’s mother as well, just throwing that out there. More grand promises of all Rome’s resources. And he even adds a page related to the Book of Leaves – a page in a writing no-one has seen before, and the content of the page changes every time you look. He says that the Book of Leaves was written by Nephilim, the offspring of angels and mortals and contains the secrets of the divine. The church needs it

Unfortunately, Riario has noticed the Pope’s absence and leads the guards to find him, including the Duke of Umberto. Time running out, Leo asks if the church needs the Book of Leaves to protect it – or bury it. And the pope speaks for secrecy. He gives Leo one more chance to swear allegiance as the Duke and the guards arrive but Leo says the Pope just wants to bury him as he has all the other relics, and snatches up the Speak of Destiny – he uses it to fight the expert fighter, the Duke back long enough for him to run and lock a door behind him.

Outside at the river, Riario uses Leo’s scuba gear to retrace Leo’s steps and comes out next to Zoroaster. They fight and Riario holds Zoroaster at knife point, threatening to cut bits off and Nico clobbers him around the head. Now would be a good time to kill Riario.

Leo runs into a prison where he meets a very heavily armoured and strong guard who smacks him around like a doll – until Leo uses the spear to cut the BLADE of the man’s giant axe in half. Nifty holy weapon then stabs him with it – the spear going through his armour, his chest, his backplate and the stone wall behind him. Leo takes his keys and limps away, leaving the spear behind.

What?! Even if it weren’t a nifty weapon, Leo, with all his curiosity, is going to just leave the magical blade of super slicing behind?!

Outside, Nico threatens Riario, since Riario tortured him. Riario doesn’t think he’s up to it and Nico cuts his face. Zoroaster doesn’t think Riario will tell them anything and Riario is happy to threaten Nico – who responds by carving up Riario’s hand. Zoroaster tries to stop him but Nico insists – and Riario says they could use someone like him. When Nico tries to stab Riario, his knife hits metal, pulling aside his shirt, Nico sees Riario’s cross – and the second key.

Defiance Sneak Peaks and Shinies

Sneak Peak for next episode:




A Mid-season recap:




And an interview with the Trion team

Save Me, Season One, Episode Four: Heal Thee

Beth and Tom are lying in bed together, when she wakes and says that since God had come into her life that she feels like the world has gotten brighter and louder.  She looks out a window and sees a bird and says that it's like "he/she" has turned up the sound system full blast. Beth gets out of bed and says that we are not alone.  When she opens her window, the tree is now filled with birds and she tells them that she hopes they have the greatest day possible. Emily sees a spider in the tub and freaks out and when Tom goes to kill it, Beth stops him and calls the spider a gift from God.  When she walks out of the bathroom singing to the spider, Tom tells Emily that what happened stays in the house.

Beth decides that her fondness for God's creatures extends beyond animals and after praying for Carly McKenna (Tom's ex mistress) to wake up for days, she decides to pay her a visit. Tom is uncomfortable and wants to leave but Beth tells him to slow down and that they are supposed to talk to patients in a coma.  When he asks what they should say, Beth replies small talk and she tells Carly that they are helping Elliot throw a surprise party tonight.  Then Beth goes on to say that Elliot made a mistake and told Maggie the name of his ex wife and that she finds it ridiculous that Maggie is so insecure because no one liked Elliot's ex wife Diane.  Tom interjects that Carly needs her rest and then reads a text from Elliot asking them to pick up balloons on the way over to JP's.  Tom leaves the room and Beth lays her hands on Carly and says heal thee.  When she looks down, Carly is still in a coma so Beth says, "I'll keep praying for you bitch."

Tom and Beth are in the car and it is now full of balloons. Beth notices that Tom is quiet and so she asks him if he is upset that she came with him to see Carly. At first Tom says that's it great if that is what Beth needed to do and then says that he thinks it's creepy.  Beth asks if Tom wanted to be alone with Carly because he is still in love with her.  Tom denies being in love with Carly and Beth insists that he still seems mad.  Tom tells Beth that they shouldn't look back and he insists that he is not mad about anything.  When a squirrel runs into the road, Beth demands that he stop but Tom does not stop in time and hits the squirrel.  Beth gets on her knees and apologises to the squirrel.  Tom says that they have to put the squirrel out of it's misery.  He grabs a huge rock and is about to squash the squirrel, when Beth gets a message that she is suppose to save the squirrel, so she takes off her sweater and wraps the squirrel up in it.

They take the squirrel to Elliot and he says that if it were human he would run some tests to find out why he has fur and a tail.  Elliot clearly does not want to touch the squirrel. Beth tells Elliot that she promised God that she would save the squirrel.  Elliot is not convinced and says that he admires Beth's feelings for animals but that he took an oath in medical school to do no harm and sometimes it means not intervening with nature. Elliot finishes by saying, "cadaver's boobs are still boobs."

Beth is looking down at the squirrel in a diner when Jenna approaches and tells her that every life is precious. Beth says precious and unnerving and admits that squirrels have always freaked her out because squirrels have always reminded her of rats.  Jenna then asks Beth to move away from the window before their YELP score gets crashed.   When Beth looks out the window, she sees cats and dogs staring in at her.

Tom and Elliot are talking and Elliot says that he can't decide if it's weirder that Beth visited Carly with Tom, or that she is busy nursing road kill. Tom says that Beth was chatting up Carly like they were in the same traipse act and one of them got injured.  Elliot believes that this is a good thing because Beth actually forgave Tom for having an affair. Tom replies that he doesn't feel like a winner and wishes that he could erase the last six months. Tom feels that Beth's reaction is not normal and wants her to be mad about the affair. Elliot talk about the fact that he is always in the dog house with Maggie and suggests that they should do a couples switch, so that he can have all the forgiveness and Tom can have the rage that he needs.  Tom says that he would take the evil eye over crazy eye any day.  Tom adds that he always imagined growing old with Beth and didn't imagine her going crazy.  Beth approaches and says that the squirrel's breathing is laboured and that its fur is pale.  Elliot suggests that it's time to call the squirrel priest but Beth is adamant that they cannot let the squirrel die.  Beth tells Tom that they have to take the squirrel to a real doctor and Elliot says that Beth means a vet.

At the vet, they learn that the MRI revealed that the squirrel has a couple of broken ribs.  Tom says that he cannot believe they are having a conversation about a squirrel MRI. The vet adds that the squirrel also has a shattered pelvis with internal bleeding and Beth asks what they can do.  The vet recommends euthanizing the squirrel and Beth says no and Tom adds that they should have just done the rock thing.  Beth says no again and asks the vet what he can do.  The vet suggests surgery and Tom is concerned about the cost.  The vet tells him that it will cost between 1700-1800 and Tom immediately says no. Beth tells him that they cannot think about money and should focus on the precious life. Tom denies thinking about the money at first and then says that he is thinking about the money and the poor squirrel.  Tom points out that by doing this that they are extending the squirrels suffering and adds that if he had this much damage, he would want her to put him down.  Beth again points out that God really wants her to save the squirrel and that maybe this is all connected to Carly.  When Tom expresses doubt, Beth replies that if he had spent the fifty minutes with bible that she has, he would understand that God works in super weird ways. Tom says that this had been made really clear.  Beth suggests that maybe if she saves this squirrel that she can save Carly and Tom replies that maybe if he eats a really big meal that he can solve hunger. The vet returns to find out if they have made a decision and Beth tells him to do the surgery. Tom leaves to help Elliot and the vet calls for his nurse to prep the squirrel for surgery.

At the party, Elliot thanks them and says that he is looking forward to gratitude sex with Maggie. Jenna says that Maggie just texted her and is on her way there and that Beth has been texting updates on the little guys surgery.  Tom points out that the squirrel is not his little guy and that he is the most loved squirrel in the world.  When Maggie walks in, everyone yells surprise.  Elliot tells Maggie happy anniversary and Maggie asked him how he didn't know that surprise parties are her worst nightmare. Elliot tells everyone that Maggie is very happy.

Back at the vet, Beth says that she is confidant that when she gets the squirrel up and running again that Tom would appreciate all of her efforts.  The vet walks into the room with the squirrel in a box and tells Beth that the squirrel didn't make it.  Beth says that it's not possible but the vet assures her that they did all that they could and that it's just a squirrel. The vet hands over the box and tells Beth that she can see Gena on her way out and that if she pays cash, they will validate and incinerate.

Maggie's party is in full swing, as Beth watches Tom make mix a drink.  Beth say that she is worried that her attempt to save the squirrel has caused some internal bleeding in her marriage as well.  Jenna tells Beth that she gets it and that she once lost a job because she stayed home three days to nurse a lame butterfly back to health. Jenna adds that the butterfly got better and then flew into her fan.  Beth asks how she could fail at something God wanted her to do. Jenna tells her that she will get through this and instructs Beth to put her present down and to ask Tom to make her a drink.  Beth admits that the box she is holding is not in fact a gift but the dead squirrel.  Beth asks to put the squirrel in the fridge because it is starting to smell.  Jenna says that she cannot have a dead animal in there and suggests that Beth take the squirrel home and change into something more festive and come back.

Save Me, Season One, Episode Three: WWJD

Beth Harper is sitting in a diner thinking that she has not yet gotten used to the fact that she is a prophet of God.  Beth suddenly stand up and announces to the crowded diner that they are all loved. She informs one man that he is only going to be unemployed for a short time and this shocks him because he had no idea that he would be losing his job.  Beth then goes on to inform him that six weeks later, he is going to get his dream job.  He ignores the part about the dream job and demands to know who Beth has been talking to and how she knows that he is going to lose his job.  Beth tells him that he is missing the point, sits down and thinks about how her power didn't come with an instruction manual. Suddenly, it comes to Beth that there is an instruction book and she heads home to find a bible.

Beth calls Tom when she cannot find the bible and he is quick to dismiss what she is going through. Beth makes it clear that this isn't just a "thing" and asserts that not only does God talk to her but that she put his ex mistress into a coma. Beth then manages to find a bible and announces that they are good people.  When Beth opens the bible however, she finds it hollowed out in the center and a bag of pot in the middle.

Beth is back at the diner and is now reading the bible. She calls the relationship between Cain and Able a classic bromance.  Finally, Beth admits that she is not understanding a word that she is reading.  The waitress tells her that there are more accessible versions out there than the King James version.  Beth decides to get a children's bible. Back at home, she celebrates the fact that this new bible has pictures. Maggie and Elliot stop by to talk about Ruby leaving the neighbourhood.  Apparently, they have created a petition to get Ruby's house declared a public nuisance.  Tom is pleased to learn that he and Beth are the last two signatures needed.  Maggie points out that they all had problems with Ruby but that Beth has a truly special relationship with her. We get a flash to Beth and Ruby yelling at each other.  In one scene, Ruby threatens to shoot Beth with an arrow and in another, Beth is peeing on Ruby's front lawn. Beth signs the petition saying good riddance Ruby.  When Elliot and Maggie leave, Beth asks Tom if he remembers when they use to fantasize about a gay couple moving into Ruby's house and fixing it up. Really? There are no LGBT characters in this story, so they deal with inclusion by talking about throwing in a trope laden couple who will decorate.  I could have done without that altogether. The Harper family then goes on to fantasize about the jobs this imaginary gay couple will hold and how their work on the house will increase property values throughout the neighbourhood and result in visits from Architectural Digest. Emily even goes as far to imagine one of the men spending hours doing her hair.

The fantasizing is brought to an end when Beth gets a message to check out page 117 in her bible and realises that she has to help Ruby the rat face.  Tom asks what she means and Beth says that she cannot let Ruby be kicked out of her house and that she has to be the one to help her fix it. Tom says that she can't but Beth replies that God is telling her to be a good Samaritan.  When Emily brings up "the gays,"  Beth simply replies, "oh honey I know," before leaving.

With the bible in her hands, Beth heads to see Ruby, who immediately hoses her down.  Beth returns to the house this time with a lawn mower in tow, saying that according to the children's bible that once Ruby realises that she was trying to be a good person that it will soften her heart. Before Beth can even start the lawnmower, Ruby starts to throw empty cans at her. Beth screams stop and declares her intention to help but Ruby believes that Beth is just there to pee on something. Beth tells her about the petition and says that if she doesn't help, Ruby will get kicked out of her home.  Ruby's heart is not softened and she tells Beth that she does not want her help. Beth leaves and yells at God and Ruby calls her a nutcase and demands o know who Beth is talking to.  Beth replies that if she were a nice old lady with a horrible house that she would help Ruby out and she rants that you can't get blood from a turnip.  Ruby is surprised by Beth's choice of words and says that her husband used to say that.  Beth asked how long Ruby was married and she replies 38 years and that her husband Leon used to spend all of his time puttering in the yard. Ruby adds that when he was done, he would always come in the house and say that he just came in for a hug.  Beth walks onto the front porch and gives Ruby a hug.

Over at the Harpers, Pete asks about why Beth was hugging Ruby and Tom reveals that Beth got it into her head that she is supposed to help Ruby and be a good samaritan. Pete says no and reminds Tom about their fantasy about getting someone good in Ruby's house.  Elliot pipes up that he and Maggie have always had a fantasy about getting a gay couple on the block. Pete adds that he and Jenna have always had the exact same fantasy. Tom says that their fantasy couple are named Todd and Benitzio. Elliot adds that their fantasy couple are named  Steven and Rafe and that Steven owns several high end restaurants and that Rafe designs women's shoes. Pete adds that his are Kelly and Kelly and that one Kelly is a lipstick lesbian with a killer ass and that the other is another lipstick lesbian, who also has a killer ass.  Elliot points out that unless Tom makes Beth stop that no one has a chance of getting their "dream gays."  Tom replies that this is not the 1800's and that a man cannot stop his wife from doing something.  Tom adds that Beth thinks that this is God's will.  Elliot asks if Beth knows that God split a baby in half and suggests that Tom tell Beth that one.  Tom argues that Beth is making herself  a better person but Pete is not buying it and replies, "for the sake of me and Kelly and Kelly and their gay twin sisters, who I have not even told you about yet, you discourage her Tom."