Thursday, February 9, 2012

Cover Snark: Lurking Danger, Crouching Heroine

Threats abound, menaces around every corner. At any moment you may need to draw your weapon and leap into action. Women of action on combat, prepare yourselves - ASSUME THE CROUCH!  They could even remotely justify these positions if the women in question were crouching to look at something on the ground but instead their eye are focused far off into the distance.  Why exactly does one need to squat down to see something in the distance?

Yes, the crouch. Every action heroine crouches into action. Why? Well that would require logic and I’m not sure this applies. Looking at these poses the only thing I could imagine this pose manages is to create some major leg cramps, similar to those poor aching thigh muscles we’re so used to. I have no idea why she would assume this pose - it neither helps her examine her pretty gems nor would it allow her to leap into action with her sword. Maybe she could stagger at her enemies (assuming her legs don’t fall to sleep) and hope she accidentally stabs them as they fall down.

What is the actual point in this? She’s not even doing anything. She’s not searching the ground for something, she’s not hiding behind something. She just crouched, it doesn’t even show off the obligatory tight leather clothes very well. It looks like she was walking around and she randomly decided to squat. Is it time for her exercises? Does she need the toilet? Is she proving how strong she is by holding a pose that must be turning her calves into giant knots of pain?

This one even has wings. You’d think this pose would be even more awkward with giant pinions on her back. Is she supposed to be a bird perched, waiting to fly off?  If that is the case then wouldn’t it make sense for her to be looking in the direction that her body is about to take flight in? Oh I know, asking for logic from these covers is asking a lot but I have to believe that some kind of thought went into these selections. 

This pose actively bemuses me. It’s not even especially sexual (maybe to show off legs) oh, wait, they’re all leaning forwards in low cut tops. Ahhh, mystery solved. Preparing for action is not nearly as important as showing off the boobies.