Saturday, November 21, 2015

Vampire Diaries, Season 7, Episode 7: Mommie Dearest

In the future with Damon and Alaric going to save a future Caroline so a future Stefan doesn’t walk into a trap. Damon does instead. This is not good planning! Why do they always fail to plan?! Why?

Anyway in the present we’re finding out if Caroline has been mystically impregnated with her teacher’s babies – and my gods that is wrong on so many levels. On top of this we have the weirdness of a pregnant vampire. Apparently she’s not pregnant and neither of them consider whether pregnancy tests even work on vampires (I guess this answers the question whether vampires urinate?)

Matt is still faced with the huge number of people who have been compelled to hang around the abandoned high school and give blood – why anyone would do this seems to confuse Matt and Caroline. More of them are all gathering in the Grill

What confuses Matt is that there’s no bite marks, the humans are being “fattened up” with supplements to make them extra bloody….

…I will forever hate this show for making me type this sentence. Fattening up a blood supply? Really?

And Caroline has morning sickeness.

They decide to ask Valerie to syphon off all the compulsion but she doesn’t see the point – they’ll just be replaced. She does it anyway. Valerie continues to insist Caroline is pregnant

And Beau appears. They fight – and Caroline, Matt and Valerie use magic to hide. Fighting Beau I replaced with Valerie and Caroline with Caroline asking how she knows about the baby switching spell anyway. It turns out Valerie used the spell to try and save her own baby though it didn’t work.
Stefan’s master plan to bring down Julian now involves inviting Lily to thanksgiving dinner. Damon is as bemused by this nonsense as me. He’s also pissed off because, of course, Lily is responsible for Elena being all Sleeping Beauty and Stefan has kind of tromped all over that by inviting Lily. And Stefan tries to openly convince Lily her true love is bad.

Which is hard in the Vampire Diaries world, because everyone is evil.

Stefan tells Lily about Julian beating Valerie into a miscarriage – Lily doesn’t believe anything Valerie says because it’s easier not to believe it and Stefan vervains her. That’ll be convincing.

They decide that since Lily has a bad track record of loving abusive men (including their father Guiseppe), the way to solve this is to have 2 men drug her and tie her up.

Yes. Really. At least Lily points out the ridiculousness of this as we have a series of flashbacks of terrible family life. Lily tells them she wasn’t a fool, she was quite aware her husband was abusing her kids even if she pretended not to know.

Meanwhile Bonnie and Enzo are looking for whatever it is Oscar had that Julian wants while Bonnie desperately tries to inject some sense into this show – stop treating Lily like a prize to be won, being fought over is not a turn on. It falls on deaf ears as Enzo doesn’t listen with a patented “I’m so gorgeous” look on his face. And he is, but he should still listen.

They find a short sword which Enzo wants to stab Julian with while Bonnie keeps trying to speak sense. Enzo goes to the Heretic house to snarl at Julian so they can have a duel. Yes, a duel.

Damon confronts Lily on doing nothing about their dad’s abuse when she suddenly gets a cut on her neck – because they were worried about Julian, they linked his life to hers. If he is injured so is she…. Uh… that kind of relies on anyone giving a shit about Lily? YAY TWO FOR ONE DEAL!

Enzo and Julian continue to duel – and Julian is concerned about the sword Enzo found. Her having injuries means they let her go to treat the cut while she explains why she did nothing while her son was tortured – future plans that were thwarted by Guiseppe and his cruel abuse. He claims she was fully aware her husband was a monster and she stayed to be with her kids even as they were abused.

Meanwhile Damon zooms over and saves Enzo before stabbing Julian with the special killy-sword. Lily is also stabbed in the process. Yes, Damon knows about this as he crows to Enzo – pointing out that Lily can’t be a human shield because he hates her too. Enzo is not a fan

While poor Bonnie runs into a drunken Alaric because she has to care about all of the failures surrounding her. She has decided that rather than use the mysterious sword, it’s probably better to research it – she does and it seems linked to the Phoenix Stone (which was in its hilt). It needs the stone to be a shiny sword – otherwise it’s just a sword.

And then Julian wakes up to fight back then Stefan arrives, then Lily. Everyone goes home and is all angsty.

Matt calls Bonnie to whine that she wasn’t on call to save him, how very dare she. Enzo arrives to whine at her while Bonnie has to comfort her.

Alaric takes Caroline for an ultrasound which, again, shows she’s not pregnant. Before Valerie comes in and reminds everyone that the Gemini Coven’s thing is illusions. Cloaking and invisibility is what they do. Yes she is pregnant.

Stefan is pissed at his brother for wanting to kill Lilly – did he miss the part where Damon hated Lilly? Did he actually forget? Damon is furious at Stefan constantly trying to find an excuse for Lilly.

Lilly mopes at home and asks why Julian decides to pick a fight with Lorenzo while his life was bound to hers – and “I’d totally win” is not an excuse. She tries to confront him with the story of Valerie’s miscarriage and he lies and says it never happened. I’m not sure she bought it and he sees that and plays nicey nice.

The same behaviour which, a flashback, shows was mirrored exactly by Guiseppe. Lilly has a lightbulb moment

She goes back to her sons to tell them they’re right. She has traded one monster for another and now will stop him

Uh… Damon still hates her, remember?

My new theory – Vampire Diaries is actually about Hell. One of the Lower Circles. It’s Bonnie’s personal Hell. A Hell that requires her to be the only person speaking sense while surrounded by people who won’t listen – and still feeling compelled to help them. Poor poor Bonnie.

This episode was… almost impressive with the nonsense of this episode. Pregnant vampires, fattening up a blood supply (whyyyy? Is blood in short supply? Clearly not if you can gather so many!) the kidnapping to inform Lily about her bad relationship choices… all… so awful. While Enzo and Julian duel. And linking Lily and Julian’s life – like anyone cares if Lily lives or dies?!

The one interesting element is Stefan and Damon’s argument – because while Stefan is continually buying Lily’s positive spin, it’s apparent in that one flashback that Damon was used. Lilly didn’t stop the abuse and for all her claim that she stayed for the sake of her sons, she didn’t: she faked her own death and fled. Now she was powerless and we can understand the decision (albeit not why she didn’t go after Guiseppe as a vampire) – but nor can you expect Damon to be remotely sympathetic.

I also really don’t like the story of Guiseppe and Julian – how they mirror each other largely because of how it has been phrased – there’s a definite whiff of blame here. It’s not looking at Lilly who is prone to being victimised, who needs help recognising the hallmarks of the abusive relationships she’s in. It’s Lilly who is at fault for defending the victimisers. It is Lilly who has FAILED. It is Lilly who needs to wake up and help them fight the abusers from her denial – for other people’s sake. Lily has been in two abusive relationships and in both cases she was blamed for it more than sympathised with

And we all KNOW Valerie’s and Stefan’s child is out there, right? Not only did she save the baby but that baby is now a vampire and still alive. Yes, we know this.