Sunday, March 5, 2017

The Vampire Diaries, Season 8, Episode 15: We're Planning a June Wedding

The end is in sight dear readers, just one more episode and we can see the promised land, we will have…

Wait.. do we have protection on Bonnie? We may need protection on Bonnie….

Ok, so let’s look at the things on Vampire Diaries that I don’t care about and make my eyes roll:

Matt’s family drama: I haven’t found Matt to be a relevant character since…. I haven’t found Matt to ever be a relevant character. He’s some human who follows around the others and tries to look scowly but instead looks pouty instead.

Bonnie and Enzo. As I’ve said repeatedly, this relationship was dropped in out of nowhere for no damn good reason so I just don’t get any of the emotion behind it

Stefan and Caroline: while this has more history than Bonnie/Enzo, almost from the very first moment they realised they wanted to be together there has been some woo-woo reason why they couldn’t be. Their stars have been crossed so many times they’ve done a full circle and I have low limits on relationship angst tolerance. Add in that their storyline is inevitably connected to Stefan’s redemption/good-guy status and this show’s repeated casting of him as the “good one” next to Damon’s “bad boy” and I’m done with it. Also Caroline’s one of only 2 characters I like in this series. She can do better

Still want Caroline and Bonnie to Thelma and Louise it into the sunset.

This season being all about all of those things has not exactly thrilled me. And this episode is all about those things as well so this is my not thrilled face over this episode.

So, we learn that Katherine is apparently the big bad and now controls Hell for Reasons and is going to bring them all down for revenge. It’s decided that the best way to deal with this is to lure her out. And what better way to lure her out than use Stefan as bait – the man she was always obsessed with getting married to another woman. That’ll do it.

Of course this means that Stefan’s going to get his happily ever after and everyone’s going to come together and play happy families so we need some very very quick resolutions of issues:

Damon is quick to step up to declare that evil Stefan was an entirely different person so Stefan doesn’t have to feel the guilts.

Damon even pulls his patented “this is all Katherine’s fault” line which he did before to absolve himself of all the bad things he’s done.

Alaric has an almost painful moment with Dorian about how the murders committed by the Salvatores have brought them all together as a family. Yes I’m heavily paraphrasing here but uckies uckies uckies

It’s a bit harder for Caroline to get Bonnie in the wedding because Bonnie is still not thrilled about Stefan murdering Enzo and all. Bonnie makes it clear to Caroline she can’t be part of it – and Caroline understands at least and even acknowledges that Bonnie remaining friends with her in the circumstances is pretty amazing. Excellent. Sadly ghostly Enzo is there to continually tell Bonnie why he should totally forgive Stefan, that Stefan is all good and it was a totally different Stefan who did the bad thing.

So Bonnie shows up at the wedding anyway, burying her anger for the sake of the wedding

Among all this are lots of wedding preparations and Alaric all conflicted about Caroline getting married and lots of presents and everyone getting read. Even the twins can attend because of a protection spell that’s been placed on them (which they won’t siphon because… reasons… I guess?)

Caroline and Damon have a moment so we can try to pretend they’re friends.

Anyway that’s lots of wedding stuff

We also have Matt drama – and the reappearance of Kelly, his mother. Who he’s also not thrilled to see given it’s another parent who abandoned him. Just as I as beginning to roll my eyes at more Matt family drama, it turns out Kelly died – and went to hell and is now back as a Katherine minion (in between killing people to stay in the real world like Kai had to). In between making dramatic wedding breaking speeches, half murdering Matt’s dad (but only half alas) she also tries to burn down the house with Bonnie and the twins in it

To escape the flames Bonnie has one choice – let the twins siphon her magic (which she has to keep the psychic link with Enzo going) to cast a fire quenching spell. Doing so will sever her link with Enzo – which he begs her to do so she can live. And so she can go on suffering all alone because Bonnie is always tragic, it is known.

What, really? That’s what it took? You mean cade could actually have been simply defeated, his psychic plane removed, if a siphoner touched him? That was all it would have taken?

This elaborate scheme was all a distraction so Vicky, Matt’s sibling, can also escape hell and use her equally special family ties to ring the hell bell 12 times and burn Mystic Falls. Oh, yes, the gang have kept the hell bell all set up to ring. And even kept the clapper in it. No, really, they have, they’ve done nothing to remove, sabotage or render safe this bell. These people…

All used up form lack of murders Kelly collapses… and so does Bonnie. Vampire Diaries, you better not be killing Bonnie to bring Elena back