Saturday, August 19, 2017

Zoo, Season 3, Episode 8: Stakes on a Plane

Jackson and Abigail are continuing their family drama. Sister dearest would like the secret to Jackson’s super Doolittle powers. She calls it communicating with animals and tests it by having a hungry Bengal Tiger released next to him when he’s covered in blood.

I have to point out this is animal command not communication because communication would go like this:

Tiger: HUNGRY!
Jackson: Don’t eat me!
Tiger: nom nom nom nom.

I also want to point out the flaws in deciding to test Jackson’s animal control powers by letting a tiger loose around him. Luckily she has magical sleepy drugs that can put a tiger to sleep mid pounce. Dear TV-landia; tranquilisers don’t work this way.

Anyway she wants to record his brain mojo so she can add it to her hybrid mojo and TAKE OVER THE WORLD
Or destroy the world. Do evil stuff anyway.

To do this she needs some more emotional stuff so in between being an arsehole about Jackson’s dead family who were hastily retconned into the story two weeks ago, (and Jackson never once tries to hit her sore spot “daddy loved me best!”) she also decides to mess with the plane.

This would be the plane with the rest of the team on who are going… somewhere and doing… something? I guess. Mainly they seem to be flying around the Atlantic discussing various personal issues

Dariela and Abe have just had awesome sex but Dariela is still concerned about raising a child on the plane of drama and death and would like to go home. Abe concedes this - and will AFTER they save the world which doesn’t exactly appease Dariela because they may all die in the process. Though Jaime does have a point that if they don’t save the world there’s no much point in saving Isaac anyway, but slightly less heartless because she’s not me and kids being fed blatantly manipulative lines to try and pluck the heart strings annoys me. I als kind of don’t want another reason why Dariela is pushed to the margins

Mitch has used knockout/forgetful juice on Jaime so she doesn’t realise he’s Mr. Duncan because REASONS. Max, his dad knows about shis but doesn’t really care because he’s, perhaps, the worst person ever. He’s totally cool with Mitch lying to Jaime and thinks he should do it more because he totally did it while cheating on all those women and really we should not listen whenever Max speaks.

He also wants to zap Mitch’s brain to remove the chip. Of course he does.

This is when Abigail unleashes the giant electro-octopus she’s managed to smuggle onto the plane - remember in this like brief 10 minutes when she also found time to smuggle off Abendigos? And at no point since then has anyone found this giant electro-octopus which now does shenanigans like cause fuels leaks and turn off electricity and open random doors because whatever.

Then gang needs to kill it, take spinal chord juice, stop Jaime’s sleep pod from powering down and dooming humanity and deal with Mitch’s temporary blindness due to having his brain zapped by a cryptozoologist. Also they can’t use guns because of a fuel leak but it’s ok the plane has a full armoury of medieval weapons

I have absolutely no idea why the plane has a full armoury of medieval weapons, there’s absolutely no reason it would but I will forgive a lot for Dariela with a longsword and Abe with a throwing axe.

They solve many of the problems but then they have to reboot the plane (like a router turning it on and off again and I’m just not even touching why this would be a thing with a plane) but Mitch has now been turned full Mr. Duncan by Abigail. Duncan isn’t even a totally evil alternate personality just all confused and lost and obedient to Abigail, willing to crash the plane, with himself on it, for no apparent reason beyond she said so. Ok, sounds legit.

The episode ends all tenselike with them crasing because this show seriously expects me to believe they’re actually going to crash and die? Your cliffhanger mojo is weak, Zoo.
Abigail’s taunting does get the emotional reaction she needs from her big brother so she has now the complete evil mojo. Should I analyse this? I mean there was no way Abigail could have realised Jackson would have this mojo, it’s pretty much brand new - so how did her master plan kind of rest on this mojo existing let alone that she could access it? There I am asking Zoo to make sense again

Meanwhile Logan and his new friends are their HQ in the border wall where Evil Bossman tells us that everyone said the wall was impossible. Is this an attempt to head me off? Because I said that and I’m saying it again THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE. A wal from Northern Canada to Mexico that cuts off the entirety of the continent west of Denver, Colorado is IMPOSSIBLE and would bankrupt the complete ruin that the US would become trying to build this nonsense. And that’s if they just decided to build it for shits and giggles - actually building it while raging monsters are attacking just makes it even more hilariously impossible. In fact in my headcanon we’ve only really seen New York. The rest of the US is a desolate bankrupt wasteland caused by the country paying for this wall, abandoning several wealthy western states and paying for Jaime’s impossible rebooting plane.

Anyway they have tracked down the reason for the deaths in the Black Forest - spores from Hybrid egg. And there are other sites all over the world, all ready to unleash monsters, each more ridiculous than before.

So this border wall is also pointless as well. Well at least it matches its closest real world parallel.