Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Once Upon a Time, Season 7, Episode 13: Knightfall

To the past, where we have Killian, carrying on his role of hot leather wearing dilf. Oh and there’s a child being all precious and sad because she can’t leave her magic tower and is totally preventing her hot dad from getting out there and into my life.



No wait just a bit more…

Ok I’m good now. Honest

So. Sad Alice is sad because she’s all isolated. And she’s also having ominous possibly prophetic dreams about Mother Gothel coming back and doing terribad awful things.

Not the face!!!! Take the child!

Killian decides he’s going to bite the bullet and go for the darkest of possible routes to find a way to save his daughter - going to the Dark One and ask for a magical favour: yes he is giving up his revenge fantasies against the crocodile in favour of protecting his daughter. Awwwww. Except of course at this point Rumple is in an anti-magic cage which is something of a problem so he needs a magical tool to free him (and Alice). Maui’s hook. Which is currently held by Captain Ahab

Ahab is the new hot pirate who thinks he has replaced Killian and is dying to pick a fight with Killian to prove who is the better pirate

(accept no imitations!)

Getting the fish-hook is easy as Killian wins it in a simple hand of dice. But Ahab accuses him of losing his edge, that he has given up his vengeance on the Crocodile, while Ahab is still properly obsessed with his white whale.

See defining pirate trait is apparently unhealthy obsession?

Killian returns to the Dark One - but Ahab follows, now vindicated that Killian has lost his edge because he’s actually enlisting the Dark One’s help to save his daughter rather than get his proper vengeance and all that. Even the Dark One keeps telling him to stop faffing about, let him out, he can kill Ahab and Killian’s reputation will all be intact

Instead Killian decides to duel Ahab with pistols. Because obsession and pistols are the things that defines pirates. Did this show just forget that pirates are supposed to steal shit?

Killian wins the duel but realises he’s just put his whole daughter’s freedom in jeopardy because of his pride. He hurries back to Alice to free her

Which is when Mother Gothel shows up with the hearts curse where if they touch they kill each other. She arranged for Ahab’s bullets to be poisoned with the curse. So it was his own pride that was his downfall as he could have avoided the curse simply by not being distracted

This kind of fits with Mother Gothel’s own quest to find highly moral people - as we saw from what she put Rapunzel through. This seems to be Mother Gothel.

In the present Tilly/Alice is also trying to get Killian to prioritise her - but her semi-coherent rambling, mumbling about something bad coming and trying to get him to play chess with her all feel like distractions to Killian who is focused in stopping the witch murders - especially since Eloise shows up to offer to answer questions

Killian leaps on this, the awake Rumple is much much more suspicious and Eloise/Gothel demands to speak to Killian alone. Which is such a bad idea. Such a very very bad idea. Rumple advises him against letting her get under his skin

Which he promptly does

She has nothing but crypticness, though she just deny the accusation of a cult, suggesting it’s just a sexist persecution to call them that. Except, y’know, for the evil, witches thing. The rest is just ominous and lots of clues which basically amount to “you’re not awake. I’m awake, you’re not. Silly human, you’re not awake. Let me make some more hints about being awake.” Just stare at Killian’s face instead.

She pokes him about his painting which is apparently something he does (he did it with his adorable child which I would have mentioned if I were less focused on the sexiness. Sorry, mea culpa, I’m a bad person). She wants a painting Killian painted. He agrees. Rumple continues to say what a bad bad idea this is. No-one listens to him, alas.

Tilly reappears to be more cryptic and she insists that Gothel is a monster (probably encouraged by Gothel waving at her through the camera which is always ominous) and definitely should not see the painting. While Rumple insists that he believes her (as he should) he doesn’t fight Killian when he insists she leave

He shows his picture of a ship to Gothel and explains what it means to him - as a child he wanted to see the ocean and he never has (ha). He still hasn’t even though he lives on the coast because he’s never had someone to go with. This apparently exposes his weakness to Gothel and is super bad.

What? He’s single? Anyone can see that. That he misses his daughter? Yeah I think she knows. This was a very convoluted path - followed by some very very very clear red herrings before

Which turns out to be maybe the point - since rather than actually doing things like interviewing the victim who survived (the baker), Rumple and Killian have been focused on paintings of boats and Eloise being all kinds of weird. They belatedly realise this and hurry to the hospital to find corpses

And Eloise wielding a scalpel and babbling incoherently about having warned them. She flees the scene and when they find her lair they find a big symbol of the witch circle with two cut out. Which does not look good, especially when Rumple reveals the coven took her dad from from her. Which is motive. Of course Rumple and Killian insist that Tilly can’t be a killer… uh-huh.

Other people are having adventures - Henry is all mopey because he and Jacinda are suddenly breaking up and Lucy suddenly against him (Regina is there to play confidant/friend/not-mother). Jacinda is equally confused why her daughter suddenly insists that she doesn’t want Jacinda to see Henry any more. Also she no longer believes in fairy tales which is all confusing to Jacinda.

While Henry is also serving as the shoulder to cry on for Drizilla. Having lost her mother who hated her all her life and then secretly loved her, Drizilla is now eleven kinds of confused. She’s also lost - her whole existence has kind of being built around vengeance and she now has no idea what to do with herself. So she decides to try and have sex with Henry. This is one way to deal with confusion but Henry kiboshes this firmly: because having sex with vulnerable women who are grieving is kind of skeevy. And she kinds of flounces about being all alone there which is also kind of skeevy since it feels like trying to guilt Henry into having sex

Henry instead points her towards her family and how she’s not alone: she has Jacinda and Lucy. He points out she never really knew how her mother felt so why not try to fix things with Jacinda before one of them dies (I’m paraphrasing)

Drizilla visits her sister and they kind of get on once Jacinda realises Drizilla is sincere. And she wants someone to talk to anyway because it’s the first time she’s had problems with Lucy she can’t blame on Victoria. Drizilla offers reassurance and realises a new purpose: her other sister, who she thinks she has wronged way more than Drizilla. And is presumably still in Mother Gothel’s hands

While Lucy goes to another relative: Regina Mills - to show her the page from the book she has. And now Regina is awake so she confirms, yes the book was real, yes she lived it, yes she’s the Evil Queen and yes, together they’re going to get walkie talkies, start an Operation and generally imitate child Henry.

I do kind of wonder at Gothel. She’s looking for this super super important ultra good person and I wonder… is she supposed to be good? Hey, anyone who has played D&D has had to play with that one character (a paladin, it’s always a paladin) who managed to turn “lawful good” to “fanatically genocidal”. I need to know what her end game is.

I know people are going to say I’m nitpicking but I’m still somewhat annoyed that while this entire series is full of people whose defining relationship is with a love interest (Killian, Emma, Jacinda, Henry, clearly Tiana and Naveen, Snow, Charming,  - ye gods I can’t even list them all); the teeny teeny tiny LGBTQ inclusions have not had that for same-sex relationships: Ruby’s definition relationship was a man and Granny, Mulan’s was with a man and… and… no-one? Dorothy again, nothing. And now Alice and her dad.

As I mentioned on my post about Reboots, while I am super happy to see Regina and Lucy team up, I also think this show continues to make a mistake by leaving Jacinda and Henry so flat and allowing Killian, Regina and Rumple steal the show.