Defiance, Season 3, Episode 7: The Beauty of Our Weapons

Amanda is leading a trial for Datak who stands there in chains as she says how much she is shocked that Datak turned against the town. She hated him but he always fought for Defiance. The vote to convict him is unanimous. He is sentenced to death by hanging – Datak uses his closing statement to point out Stahma totally beat Amanda. I approve, Stahma worship should always be remembered.

Arms dealer and Berlin’s ex and general awful guy, Conrad Von Bach (a rich and powerful family) arrives in town, grossly ogling a shop keeper while learning about humans leaving Defiance before Rahm arrives. Berlin greets him and punches him for selling weapons to the VC – then asks if he has weapons for her. I do like Berlin.

He does, a whole load of very very very shiny weapons. Nolan does get pissy about the Von Bachs selling weapons to anyone but Conrad rather nicely points out that Nolan shouldn’t be throwing stones from the top of his shiny glass house. Conrad is not impressed – he sells weapons, it’s what he does and he isn’t interested in their judging him for that. But, surprisingly, he’s offering all the weapons for free… so long as Berlin buys him a drink (Nolan: “do it.” Amanda “drinks are on the house.” I think they just both signed off on pimping out Berlin).

They have that drink and it seems Conrad is in major trouble with his family for giving up weapons but he declares he had to do it for the sake of impressing Berlin. Berlin isn’t that impressed because of their bad history – though it turns out they both thought the other had callously dumped them because of Conrad’s mother’s meddling. They talk some more, touching on Berlin’s relationship with Tommy – which seems like a belated “hey Berlin is totally going to have sex with this guy so let’s at least give a nod to the idea she is actually grieving” they then go upstairs and, I assume, have sex

Nolan talks to Irisa and manages to do everything terribly, offending and patronising Irissa repeatedly.

The next day they gather their recruits and we’re introduced to the Irathient sniper known as Zero because why not. They don’t have a huge number of people. And Zero’s dad, Indar, demands to know where Irisa is. He has good reason – most of the kids willing to fight have read the book about her and she’d be a very inspirational presence to them. He also sees himself putting his kid at risk – but Nolan keeping his daughter safe. He also, reasonably, points out that the Votans don’t necessarily have a dog in this fight – the Votanis Collective is against humans, not them. With Irisa not there, more of the volunteers leave

Dominion, Season 2, Episode 2: Mouth of the Damned

Alex the-petulant, Noma and their dispossessed buddy Pete are all captured by the forces of New Delphi. Or possibly 8 Balls. Or maybe the forces of New Delphi ARE 8 Balls since they all speak with creaking demon voices

They’re taken to New Delphi and all marvel at the apparently civilised, human 8 Balls. Maybe Alex could organise a mass exorcism hug event?

They’re taken through what looks like a thriving dystopian city to meet boss guy who is not happy about them killing one of his men. He wants a life in exchange. Alex tries to excuse himself by pointing out the guy was an 8 Ball (a term the city of New Delphi – of humans and 8 balls – doesn’t use). They live in peace in New Delphi, apparently – and everything is bartered (which still means Alex owes a life – bye Pete). Alex invokes Gabriel; sure New Delphi is all about trade but they also hate higher angels: Enemy of my Enemy and all that

Alex is split off from the rest to speak to the boss. Boss man is suspicious but Alex gives him some info about the bomb and gets a reprieve. New Delphi also has empyrean steel – special anti-angel weapons.

Which he’ll need because Gabriel is already killing New Delphi’s patrols. In the tradition of super-villains everywhere, he wants Alex alive so he can kill the man himself. So many shows would end quickly if the big bads would just say “for fuck’s sake, kill him!”. But the steel means his minions must hide who they are in the city.

Noma still spots them even as the guards find the dead patrol. Seeing Noma, the angel attacks, Noma calmly evades the attack as pandemonium rages leaving Noma and the new angel facing off against each other.

Meanwhile Alex decides to the fight the man guarding him to try and get a weapon to fight Gabriel – and because beating on wannabe allies is helpful. The guards ends up dead when the second angel reaches the room but Alex gets his hands on Empyrean Steel which is really really bad for angels when you stab them repeatedly.

Noma, alas, doesn’t win her fight and is rescued by Boss man Julian, who shoots the angel with Empyrean steel bullets (couldn’t she have just won?). And Gabriel arrives – offering trade. Julian loathes higher angels so much he refuses to negotiate despite all his talk of trade. Gabriel also kills one of his injured angels so he doesn’t have to leave him behind.

Under the Dome, Season 3 episode 5: Alaska

James finds that sexy while using the pod goo is super-awesome – but Christine becomes more worried by the purple crystals in the tunnels are going out. She asks for James’s unquestioning loyalty and, of course, the man who has so many issues about never being his own person and constantly being dominated by his father agrees. Why wouldn’t he?

In the worst character pairing of all time (I will call this Team JUST DIE ALREADY) Jim is telling Julia all about the infection and trying to convince Julia about the camera with the damning evidence about Christine on it. Except it’s missing and Julia, actually showing sense, isn’t willing to take his word. I think this is because she psychically knows that trusting him would be the right decision so does the opposite (looking back on the last three seasons this explanation makes way more sense than Julia actually making an actual reasonable decision).

She still goes along with his plan involving traps and diversions. This allows Julia to snoop and steal a file called “Alaska”. Well try to. She gets captured until Jim rescues her. With a gun to evil guy’s head she makes him show the camera footage (now all fuzzy).

They question the guy and find that his company has found a broken egg before – one with a vast amount of clean, safe energy. Well clean – except for it infecting the scientists with pod-people alien cells making them act as a group and commit suicide together all at the behest of the leader. They need to find that leader who will be chief podperson

Julia points out pod-person in chief is their employee, Christine, and they learn she’s an anthropologist and she and Eva just disappeared. Evil guy also claims he wants to help her. Uh-huh. But he claims they are working on a treatment, a cure. Nor does he know what the leader will do or whether it’s even safer to split them up.

All this gun pointing seems to have put them all on the same team. Well, sort of – gun pointing still happens and they still want to know where the egg is.

Barbie and Eva, meanwhile are all couply and Barbie tells Eva that silly paranoid Julia thinks Eva and Christine are lying. Eva, however, would utterly fail as a professional poker player though and completely fails to reassure him. Instead saying she just can’t answer that. Romance tip – if your lover asks you “are you lying about who you are?” and you answer “I can’t answer that” then you’re going to need way more than an Agony Aunt to fix that

 In town Hunter is all happy and chipper about the food supply they’ve processed but becomes grim when he realises Happy Sunny Norrie is back to Snarky Norrie. Hunter is super suspicious but they try to put him off the scent by claiming to be on a mission from Christine the Great Leader

It’s nice to see them free but I have to say them lazing around and being all couply feels sweet but also hella lazy. I mean people are struggling to survive and patch things together and they taking a time out? I do like their loyalty oath to each other – Norrie takes it a bit far by throwing in that she’d rather be die than become a “glazed-eye freak!”

 Sam and Abbie are also happily couply and sexual though Sam still has a whole lot of loyalty to Christine which means he’ s not quite ready to dive into sex and booze 24/7

A Gentleman of Means (Magnificent Devices #8) by Shelley Adina

Claire is settling into life as an Engineer for Count Von Zepplin and planning for marriage to Andrew 

(or avoiding planning) though neither is going quite so ideally or quite so well as she would have hoped. But still, is she really willing to abandon her career, this opportunity and even the man she loves for the sake of a friend who, it has to be said, she doesn’t know that well

Gloria Astor-Merriweather has been kidnaped – but is Claire willing to throw everything away to get her back?

I love Gloria. Not so much her character (which is still very good) but the whole concept of her. Gloria Merriweather-Astor was introduced as a very opposite to Claire. While Claire was newly desperately impoverished. Claire was academic and scientific, Gloria was more interested and fashion, society et al. And Gloria is the daughter of her arch-enemy and the major antagonist in the series.

In any other book, Gloria would be evil. She would be the spiteful, vapid mean girl who we were supposed to hate and loathe from the very beginning. She could so easily have been a hollow demonised character.

But she isn’t – she’s clever and moral and capable. She has her own life and her own problems even though her context and experience is very different from Claire’s – and she’s a very loyal and caring friend who regrets deeply any idea that she may have failed Claire in the last book. Even more than her own freedom she worries that Claire may think she abandoned her -  even if they’re not such close friends, it mattered to her that she was thought of hat way (of course, Claire, marvellously free of the girl-hate that is so annoyingly pervasive, doesn’t assume any such thing. Having experienced Gloria’s kindness she assumes far more kinder interpretations of her behaviour).

So, even though I risk sounding like a broken record, I have to repeat how excellent this series is with the female characters. Not just because they’re good and capable and interesting but because they’re also different. They have commonalities in different ways (Claire and Alice share an interest and talent for Engineering, Gloria and Claire attended the same school, Liz and Maggie are sisters) but they’re all still very different people.

The plot itself wasn’t especially unique – we have another rescue mission as our heroes ride to the rescue with cunning, cleverness, a whole lot of courage and daring and ingenuity and a great deal of determination. It’s not especially new, but it is great fun, well written, nicely paced and any outing with these characters will make me smile.

Paranormal Romance: Yet More Engorged, Throbbing and Fainting, Oh my!

Sex is amazing. Sex is a beautiful, wonderful and extremely fun thing. Sex in a book can add a lot of spice, a lot of characterisation and a lot of realness to a book. And, since so many of our books have female protagonists, it’s always nice to see a woman who engages passionately in her sexuality without shame or judgement and finds genuine joy in it (which is why I wish we saw more paranormal romance where they actually did that!)

However, sex can also be extremely funny and down right weird - especially the way some of these writers write it. I’m going to assume all of these authors are not virgins who have no access to decent porn (the internet is there for a reason folks!) - though anyone who has read the Aurora Teagarden series is going to find that a stretch - but some of these scenes make me wonder am I doing sex wrong? Because I can’t imagine doing some of these things in bed (or the sofa, or the kitchen table)

Yes, it’s time to look again at Paranormal Romance: Engorged, throbbing and fainting, Oh my!

The Medically Worrying Orgasm

One of the prettier metaphors for an orgasm is the “petit mort” the little death. Trust the French to have a pretty and slightly morbid way to describe sex. Now, while orgasms in these books rarely leads to death (the odd succubus notwithstanding) there are certainly times when I think that the participants might want to drop in on their doctor for a check up.

Like the screaming. Yes, passionate noise during sex is understandable - but outright shrieking their lungs out? Screaming so loud they become hoarse? If my lover started howling like that I think I’d stop and check to see if I they are badly injured, or that a serial killer hadn’t snuck in behind me. More of these scenes should include the guy pulling out and gasping “oh my god, are you ok?!”

In addition to the screeching, we also have blindness. I admit there probably are people out there who would boast “I fucked so hard I detached a retina” but… really? If you go blind during sexy times, you should stop humping and head to the emergency room. Sudden blindness is not sexy and not to be taken casually.

Of course, you always know you have had super-hot sex when you can’t move afterwards. Sure, you may be a kick arse vampire hunter who can run for 15 miles then singlehandedly kill 8 werewolves, 2 vampires and an angry tax accountant without breaking a sweat or breathing hard - but sex? That’s going to wipe you out! I wonder, again, how vigorous and how long these hyper fit, super physical people have to be having sex to exhaust their impressive stamina. Some of them are supernatural and can lift cars for crying out loud! They must be humping so fast their hips are a blur!

The ultimate test of sexiness always has to be losing consciousness. Because nothing says sexy like your lover collapsing on top of you like a corpse (I’m looking at you Lynsay Sands).  I have to say my lover going blind or screaming would worry me during sex - but I can’t think of anything killing the mood (and any erections) faster than thinking your lover just died and you’re now intimately connected to dead body

Blood Sport (American Arcane #2) by Justen Hunter

Eric, possibly the last witch in the world, has been promoted to the knight of the Bay. It’s his job to police the supernaturals of San Francisco and solve any problems that arise – it’s a new role for him and he’s definitely still finding his feet.

But vampires are dying – dying in ways that scream of black magic. Which means there’s a magical practitioner in town other than Eric, one who is working with demons and maybe neck deep in lethal vampire politics

Eric faces another very steep learning curve.

I like Eric on many levels. I like that he’s a protagonist who doesn’t fall back to violence as a problem solver. I like that his first stop is reason and trying to make people co-operate. I also like that his power doesn’t really lend itself to violence – sure it’s growing and increasing, but ultimately he is surrounded by people (by women, no less, who are considerably more violently powerful than him). His magic is more useful than dangerous. He carries a gun but is no marksman, he has some magical tricks but they’re costly and difficult and even Serena, his new sidekick, comments on how bad he is at fighting. He is a normal guy discovering a new world and new abilities and, no, that doesn’t come with the full skill set to cope with that

What I’m not fan of is his naivety. He doesn’t see any problem with telling all the vulnerabilities of supernaturals to the police even as Teresa protests (which has an extra level of dubious when you consider that Eric is a straight white guy and Teresa is a POC woman who is asking him to be more careful about the police), sure that the police are the good guys and there’s nothing that could go wrong. He tells the whole world that he is a witch – seriously, because of him just about everyone now thinks witches are about and he is a witch when before him everyone thought witches were extinct – again in the face of endless warnings. He trusts Amy implicitly and, yes he certainly has reason for that, but he still knows nothing about her, what she is, her history or even her last name. Worse, he trusts Nick and is even willing to go with him to another world, merely because the guy said it was important and with a similar lack of information.

It’s not even his naivety, per se. A naïve character who wakes up to the reality of the world isn’t a bad thing. But he doesn’t. His trust never comes back to bite him in the arse, his trust is never unfounded, his rose tinted glasses are not really pulled away. It’s almost stretching my plausibility meters – like Serena. Serena has a lot of potential to be a good character, I’m curious how she develops. But “develops” is the word. He shouldn’t be taking a brand new vampire and a complete stranger to crime scenes and deputising her as his chief assistant. How can he trust her with all this information, he’s known her for a few hours?! This should blow up in his face. Someone should protest – but no-one does. It’s a form of very clumsy plot armour.

Atlantis, Season 2, Episode 10: The Dying of the Light

The whole gang is camping with Hercules grieving and praying for Medusa and them still having to flee patrols because Jason decided to let the big bad live last week because he’s a damn fool and totally disrespected Medusa’s sacrifice.

Jason is even more angsty and mopey than Hercules (and for much less cause). He has decided rather than run from Atlantean patrols he will take them all on on his own. Ariadne and Pythagoras want to run to the rescue while, reasonably, Hercules is quite done with Jason and his melodramatic antics putting them at risk and ignoring their sacrifice.

The other two do help Jason slaughter the patrol (Ariadne has her bow) and save his life a couple of times (not that he notices). Except one guard who kneels before Ariadne, his queen. Ariadne welcomes him. Jason stabs him

This is not how you win the loyalty of the crown. Ariadne is doubly pissed that Jason ignored her command – to which he says “who are you to give me orders.” Come on Ariadne the answer to that is “your queen.” Orders are kind of in the queenly job description along with shiny hats, the permanent smell of fresh paint and corgis.

Hercules is not very impressed by Jason’s heroic massacre (I agree! He can massacre a surrendered guard but he can’t kill Pasiphae?) nor of how effective it was – by killing several poor lads (robbing mothers of their sons) and confirming that they’re out there. Hercules continues to (rightly) criticise and scold Jason and Jason responds by hitting him.

Pythagoras eventually separates them

That night Ariadne tries to speak nicely to Jason but he’s too bad tempered and pouty because he’s apparently so very sick of taking orders (like he ever had to take a lot?). She tries to get him to talk through his angst but he refuses, far too angsty for her to understand

Hercules is duly depressed – but for far more reason and with a good deal less pouting. He points out that this, where they all are now, is what Medusa died for. Pythagoras reminds them that the Oracle predicted that Jason’s epic mummy issues would corrupt him. He clings to the idea that the Oracle’s prediction that Jason can save Atlantis – and decides to consult Melas the corrupt-cowardly-fool-traitor priest which means risking his life going back into the city

Hercules does make a point of telling Ariadne she shouldn’t be guilty over Medusa, but she wants them all to be friends again. Which would involve Jason not being a whiny manchild.

Undead and Unwed (Undead #1) by MaryJanice Davidson

When some people have a bad week, they really have a bad week.  In the case of former model and now executive secretary Betsy Taylor, being laid off is actually the bottom of her list of concerns.  When Betsy is run over by a car and wakes up in a morgue, she immediately believes that she somehow missed the bright light.  After trying to kill herself  in several different ways and talking to clergy about the state of her soul, Betsy decides to try and pick up the pieces of her life.  Unfortunately for Betsy, this means getting involved in vampire politics and dealing with telling her family that she's actually not dead.  What's a girl to do when she finds herself jobless, dead and without her precious designer shoes? Luckily for Betsy, it turns out she a vampire queen and so perhaps her death might be more interesting than the life she left behind.

Betsy Taylor is easily one of the most unlikable protagonists that I have discovered recently.  Betsy is shallow, with no impulse control, collects marginalized people as BFF's and has a little problem with Kellie Independence.  Originally, Betsy wants to stay far away from vampire politics, convinced that she has to worry about getting a job and finding regular people to feed from. Even when she learns that Nostradamus, the ancient vampire who has been responsible for several massacres might possibly be gearing up for yet another power grab, thus endangering vulnerable humans, Betsy simply wants no part of it.  What finally pushes her over the edge is a bribe of designer shoes.  Really?  I'm supposed to root for this person?

Even if I could get over that, the fact that Betsy's favorite movie is Gone With the freaking Wind, her justification for the book and film are something I simply could not embrace.  Betsy absolutely refuses to acknowledge that this nasty plantation story is not some wonderful antebellum romance but actually a glorification of White supremacy and slavery, even when told so directly by a character of colour.  That little factoid almost made me slam the book closed.

"It's a book that glorifies white people at the expense of blacks."

"The vain white people who ended up alone and unhappy, or the white people who got the shit kicked out of them by the Union Army? Or the white people who starved to death during Reconstruction? Or-"

"All right."

"You know, for somebody who could buy London. you're awfully touchy about slavery.  I mean, no one in your family was ever a slave."

She sniffed. "You can never know my pain."

"The pain of being the first kid on the block to have her own Patek Philippe watch? You poor oppressed creature."

She giggled. "Thank God you understand.  This is of course, why I tolerate your bigotry and snobbishness." (pg 178-179)

Seriously WTF?  Who argues that a black person who has never been enslaved is overly touchy about slavery?  This is supposed to be funny but instead I found it to be horribly racist.  Defending the racist Gone With The Wind, is one thing but absolutely ignoring the connection between slaves and the lives of modern African-American is simply beyond the pale.

I suppose this moves us onto marginalized characters.  Jessica is an extremely wealthy Black woman who has been BFF's with Betsy since they were children.  Yes, this puts her straight into the sidekick category, a label which Jessica actively identifies as. Jessica buys Betsy's home, thus providing Betsy with a place to live after her untimely death and is more than willing to support Betsy for the rest of her life.  Jessica's characterisation is  so absolutely problematic that it makes me wonder if Davidson has interacted with a WOC at anytime or just believes that she can write our experiences from watching some crappy television portrayals.  Davidson actually has Jessica call Betsy's father, "honky". It's clear that Davison simply planned on making Jessica a female George Jefferson with her her own Moving on Up theme song except in this version, Jessica is there to see to every conceivable need that Betsy has.