Lucifer, Season 3, Episode 19: Orange is the New Maze

Maze is not a happy demon and is still kind of hanging around Chloe’s house. She runs into Lucifer finding her acting up and trashing the place looking for a knife. Not even a special one, a very boring knife… But when she sees Lucifer she insists on one thing - take her home. Take her back to Hell

And Lucifer refuses… because doing so may annoy god (wait, why? I mean putting Maze back into hell is presumably what god would want?) and risk Chloe

Maze is super furious, especially since Lucifer was willing to leap into hell for Pierce (before he became so scared for Chloe) and is now afraid of daddy when rebellion was supposed to be his thing. She makes ominous threats when  Chloe arrives… and Chloe tries to reach out to Maze, asking why she upset Trixie, assuming a misunderstanding and trying to get Maze to stay but Maze refuses all offers of peace and reconciliation.

And then Pierce arrives because he and Chloe are now dating which causes More Awkwardness from Lucifer and his jealousy and Pierce and his jealousy. And Ella trying to make everyone feel better

So what we need is a murder case, conveniently caught on CCTV, involving a winery. Which shows Maze removing her knife from the corpse. Which looks kind of damning to say the least. The murder weapon is also Maze’s knife

And here is where Lucifer annoys me even more than usual. Yes he’s self-centred, yes he’s obsessed with himself. Yes he thinks everything is about him. But pushing to have Maze arrested because he assumes she’s murdering people to try and manipulate him into taking to Hell is gross on two levels: 1 because he assumes everything Maze is doing and going through is completely about him and 2 because he doesn’t have her back, he’s not supporting or defending her at all: he’s even vindictively attacking her out of his own spite. Chloe does far more to defend Maze than Lucifer does. Yes he isn’t concerned about life in imprisonment for Maze since she lives for a very very long time but still, Maze deserves better from him. Even Ella has more faith in Maze than he does

Pierce isn’t ready to believe Maze is innocent and does think that maybe Chloe is letting her emotions take over. Dan’s also kind of not convinced that Maze is incapable of murder. Ultimately, she’s Maze.

And she adds fuel to the fire by turning up and confessing to murder. Chloe, again, goes all out to try and defend her, while Lucifer obviously does not.

While imprisoned, Chloe insists on questioning Maze and it’s quickly clear she doesn’t know enough about the murder to have been the perpetrator. But while in custody she uses a hug to steal Ella’s ID (should have been suspicious of Maze hugging) to track down some more information about the man she supposedly murdered, quickly figuring out she has been framed

She follows up with the people who paid for her bounty, interviewing him with her own unique style at a bowling alley (don’t condescend to Maze, it will end poorly) but loose ends are being tied up by the real killer as well.

Convinced of Maze’s innocence, Lucifer and Chloe are now united to try and help her - Lucifer’s issues with Maze lost in his desire not to see the innocent punished. Or the usually guilty but innocent in this instance anyway.

Once Upon a Time, Season 7, Episode 13: Knightfall

To the past, where we have Killian, carrying on his role of hot leather wearing dilf. Oh and there’s a child being all precious and sad because she can’t leave her magic tower and is totally preventing her hot dad from getting out there and into my life.

Ahem

Anyway…

No wait just a bit more…

Ok I’m good now. Honest

So. Sad Alice is sad because she’s all isolated. And she’s also having ominous possibly prophetic dreams about Mother Gothel coming back and doing terribad awful things.

Not the face!!!! Take the child!

Killian decides he’s going to bite the bullet and go for the darkest of possible routes to find a way to save his daughter - going to the Dark One and ask for a magical favour: yes he is giving up his revenge fantasies against the crocodile in favour of protecting his daughter. Awwwww. Except of course at this point Rumple is in an anti-magic cage which is something of a problem so he needs a magical tool to free him (and Alice). Maui’s hook. Which is currently held by Captain Ahab

Ahab is the new hot pirate who thinks he has replaced Killian and is dying to pick a fight with Killian to prove who is the better pirate

(accept no imitations!)

Getting the fish-hook is easy as Killian wins it in a simple hand of dice. But Ahab accuses him of losing his edge, that he has given up his vengeance on the Crocodile, while Ahab is still properly obsessed with his white whale.

See defining pirate trait is apparently unhealthy obsession?

Killian returns to the Dark One - but Ahab follows, now vindicated that Killian has lost his edge because he’s actually enlisting the Dark One’s help to save his daughter rather than get his proper vengeance and all that. Even the Dark One keeps telling him to stop faffing about, let him out, he can kill Ahab and Killian’s reputation will all be intact

Instead Killian decides to duel Ahab with pistols. Because obsession and pistols are the things that defines pirates. Did this show just forget that pirates are supposed to steal shit?

The Magicians, Season 3, Episode 11: Twenty-Three

So with a whole lot known about the fairies now, it makes the quest for the keys a little more fraught. In Fillory Margot in particular is definitely not going to be team fairy no matter how good she was on Earth. They decide that they need to speak to Julia about this - and since Tick has put out wanted posters for them all (which Margot and Elliot consider most unflattering) and the only person who can get around is Josh

So Josh meets up with Julia to discuss the key issues - Julia is meeting with the generally drunk Dean Fogg to explain the fairies, Irene’s escape and the general slaughter of the entire McAllister clan. He’s not drunk enough for this. And Dean’s always kind of drunk. Also he disapproves of their flowery cleaning charm - but is impressed by Julia’s awesome god-like power that allowed her to replace all the wards on Brakebills all by her godly self.

Josh and Julia consider what to do with about the keys when they’re zapped to an alternate time line - the same alternate timeline they used to visit an alternate Alice (with lots of ramifications from the various resetting time lines). There they meet Alternate Josh who quickly tells them how their world has fallen apart: the Beast is there still killing them all and to make it all so much worse magic cut off with them as well, leaving them all practically helpless. This beast wears one of the keys around his neck which is, presumably, how he gets his magic.

I’m assuming grenades aren’t an option.

Josh and Julia also consider that maybe they can get this key (which apparently has the power to see the future, which none of their keys have) then they can skip the fairy key, at least for now.

For some reason Julia wants to speak to Quentin about it - which I don’t get at all: they need  Quentin to make these decisions? But when they use the key to get to Fillory, instead they get a key to the alternate timeline. Because magic makes its own rules.

In the alternate world, Marina the Hedge witch is still alive and she and Josh are happy to meet them for their plan - which involves drugging them and handing them over to the Beast. It seems the Beast wants Julia and they’re desperate enough to do anything especially since in their world Julia is long since dead.

iZombie, Season 4, Episode 4: Brainless in Seattle Part 2

Liv and Clive are still hunting down the coyote who is smuggling people into the city and killing people, which involves tasteless jokes about skulls, of course and figuring out exactly how he gets in touch with his victims. Ravi has found a website he uses to connect to rich, desperate people looking to get in and out of Seattle

They also find Liv’s missed connection post trying to find the elusive Tim - Ravi and Clive are duly mocking of her eternal desperation and this very annoying desperate romantic brain.

Ravi sets up a fake account as a rich Englishman stuck in Seattle desperate to leave, complete with over the top accent (which Clive apparently can’t differentiate from Ravi’s actual accent).

Liv also checks in on Renegade to see how the best way to lure in the coyotes are - and she doesn’t tell them anything new (desperate and rich). But it is a good chance to get her story. She was turned into a zombie before Fillmore Graves, she doesn’t know how. But a man helped her with her brain needs, though the visions made it clear he was killing homeless kids

Which sounds a lot like Blaine’s old operation

She went to the police, who naturally did nothing since they didn’t believe in zombies - and in retaliation the bad guy (Blaine I presume) killed her husband. She shut down and went quiet - which led to more guilt when Fillmore Graves and the mass infection happened. She did see Liv though, working, trying to make a difference, trying to be useful - which is what she’s trying to do

Which is all the more poignant when we catch up with Blaine. He is trying to get Renegade’s location from the Brain which also comes with an unfortunate and rather hilarious loose lips effect - which has Blaine being radically honest with everyone: employees, customers, pretty much everyone. Of course, he’s such an awful person no-one believes the terrible things he’s saying

But he does get a vision leading him to Renegade (after realising there’s more than one Laundromat in the city since he’s rich and never had to deal with them before). His goons capture her and deliver her to Chase Graves…

In Defence of Reboots

Nerdy nostalgia and a quick and easy way to produce a new show or film means reboots are becoming an increasing go to for media producers. After all, you already have a proven recipe for success and a presumed established fanbase that will already flock to the new creation. Win, win, right?

Well, let’s just say not every fan is quick to rush to praising a reboot - and there have been definitely poorly executed ones as well. But I think there’s also an almost reflexive resistance; that same nostalgia that can make reboots so attractive can also make devoted fans demand a level of purity which a reboot both can’t achieve - but shouldn’t. It’s similar to the same purists who turn out every time a book is turned into a film - just look a the Lord of the Rings fans who demand everything - including the endless, songs and Tom Bombadil added to the Lord of the Rings Movies. This should be proof that a dedicated purist is willing to suffer for their faithful adaptation

I am actually a fan of reboots. As a lover of long series - both in terms of books and television series. But eventually everything reaches an end - and we’ve all seen series that should have ended so very very long ago. A reboot gives the opportunity to explore this world and characters but without quite so much of the baggage that any long running series is dragged down; it gives these concepts chance to return, chance to be updated and chance to explored in new directions - after all, every storyline taken inevitably cuts off other possibilities. A reboot allows the exploration of the path not taken.

It can also be used directly to revitalise a long running series: like we just saw on Once Upon a Time trying to revitalise the series (albeit unsuccessfully), recognising when these characters’ storylines and this particular meta is done and it’s time to see what else can be done with this world.

But it has to be done well… and people have to approach them correctly.

Reboots are not Sequels

Or, aren’t usually. Sometimes they follow on from the original series, like the various Star Trek reboots (and I know there are people even now rushing to tell me that Star Treks are not reboots - but they rather clearly are. Taking the same world, the same concepts, even if not (necessarily) the same characters and building something new. The foundations are the same, the concepts are the same but the characters and plot is rebooted - and even if they take place in the same world there is enough time and space between each production of the franchise to make them decidedly separate entities. They’re not sequels - which seems to disappoint fans.

Whenever a reboot is proposed one of the regular complaints I see is fans of the original wanting a continuation of that. Look at the drama around the Charmed reboot, many people are upset because the new Charmed witches are not the Halliwell sisters and not continuing their story. And no matter what was produced, ultimately the fact they’re not those original sisters means fans rebel. We’ll see something similar with Buffy - they don’t need a reboot, they want the old story to continue. But I ask you to take off the rose coloured glasses of nostalgia and ask… really? Because, well, really? Do you remember late season Charmed and Buffy? These weren’t Firefly, cancelled before their time 

(never forgive, never forget)

No, these shows ran on and on and on and on and ended because WE STOPPED WATCHING THEM. If the ratings were still high, if the producers were still coining it in, if we were truly that excited about seeing their stories continue, then they’d still be on air until the sun explodes

It's the show that never ends, it goes on and on my friend

But they’re not. They were cancelled; clearly these original stories weren’t doing it for us. But maybe new stories in the same world could bring you the same joy that that nostalgia clings to without the crushing disappointment that an actual continuation of those storylines we apparently long since lost interest in could bring.

Which also brings me to another way reboots can go very wrong:

Don’t be shackled by the old

You’re making something new with this world/concept/characters - right. Do it. Make something new; because if you’re clinging too much to the old? Well, as I said, there’s a reason we stopped watching. A reboot shouldn’t look like a bad copy - it needs to be a fresh start; go big or go home. And this is one of the main issues that Once Upon a Time’s reboot had: we got a new story working on the same concept, new characters - Adult Henry, Jacinda, Lucy, Tiana, Alice, Victoria, Drizilla, Gothel with which to tell this story… and then you had to drop Regina, Rumple, Killian and Zelena in there

I love these characters, of course I do, they’re fan favourites. But this is a reboot and I’m supposed to be investing in Henry, Jacinda et al but they can’t possibly compete with the more compelling, more established characters. These new characters never had a chance to establish themselves or attract a following because the scene was stolen by these old favourites. The show wasn’t brave enough to do a true reboot; followed the fan favourites around while still maintaining the fiction that Henry and Jacinda are the protagonists.

This applies to the audience as well - as fans we need to approach these shows without all the expectations and demands of the previous incarnations of the show. Just as you can’t what Next Generation while also pouting that there’s no Spock and Kirk. No we’re not going to get the old Buffy or the Halliwell sisters and maybe no Willow can match Allison Hannigan for you - but the reboot is not the old show; and out memories of these old shows are fraught with our rose tinted nostalgia glasses. Especially when we talk repeatedly (as fandom often does) about how much these shows meant to us, how important they were, even how revolutionary they were: that is a bar nothing can compete with and we’re going to lose shows that could be as awesome - or revolutionary to someone else - because we refuse to accept this concept can be reworked unless it matches our skewed memories of the original show

And on being revolutionary...

Updates are Necessary

This is especially true of shows where one of their major selling points was how original and progressive they were. Being the first is important and, again, nostalgia makes us look back on a lot of shows with happy rose coloured glasses. But being the first ages really quickly- and just like a lot of millennials binge watching Friends have discovered, old beloved shows can come with a whole lot of really nasty, bigoted baggage with an overwhelming amount of homophobia.

We’ve all read the many many many pieces on how limited Joss Whedon’s feminism is and, looking back, there are definitely issues with Willow and the show’s pretty much non-existant racial inclusion.

And I can perfectly understand why Holly Marie Combes takes issue with the Charmed reboot being described as “feminist” Charmed implying that the old Charmed wasn’t. And clearly we had a story with 3-4 powerful sisters whose sister relationship defined them and was the overwhelming powerful theme of the show, of course that was central. But those sisters also spent an awful lot of time focusing on the men in their lives (my gods how sick was everyone of the Cole storylines or Phoebe desperate to get pregnant storyline by the end?), the show had pretty much one token POC who was there for utility more than characterisation and, despite being set in San Francisco, covering 8 seasons, 178 episodes and innumerable characters, still managed only one dead lesbian for LGBTQ inclusion.

This isn’t say these old shows are terrible - but just like the original Star Trek was hailed for it’s progressive nature in the 1960s but looked through a modern lens has several…. Rather glaring problems, so to do many of these revolutionary shows we remember with nostalgia. Rebooting can make take these concepts we fell in love with, bring them back for a new audience - and not just a younger audience but also a more diverse audience. I can’t think of many of my peers who didn’t watch Friends - but those who didn’t (myself included) were LGBTQ people who were just TIRED of the homophobic nonsense (and no, this wasn’t just young millennial outrage, there were plenty of LGBTQ people back in the day who were unimpressed as well - but no-one listened to us). What was revolutionary, personally defining and vitally important to you deserves a chance to be important to others - even tro be accessible to others who were previously driven away. You loved this show and it was defining? Well let’s have the chance to remake it so it is as defining and powerful and meaningful to others.

Shadowhunters, Season 3, Episode 1: On Infernal Ground

It is time for the fourth season of Shadowhunters. And it has done very well, it has garnered a large audience, it has a large number of fans, it has a budget. It can definitely afford to put some of the main characters through acting classes.

Last season Clary decided to use her angelic wish so she could continue her quasi incestual relationship with Jace and at the same time a big scary demon woman, Lilith, came back to save her evil demon son, Clary’s actual brother (who also wants to do incest with Clary because this is the Mortal Instruments and we have a theme), and guy who can act, Sebastian. Magnus decided that the 5 minutes of screen time he and Alec have together mean it’s perfectly ok to fuck over his people and continue to be a good little servant to the Downworld, while Luke runs his pack in his own attempt to be a good servant and do fuck all for his actual people; Maia joins him in being the second in command of not actually doing fuck all for their actual people. His partner on the police force has also found out about the monsters out there. Meanwhile the fairy queen is out of her ever loving mind and allying with Magic Nazi Valentine because if at least some of the Downworld weren’t dubiously evil to a ridiculous degree, Luke and Magnus’s subservience would be even more nauseating. Simon is her guest because of that whole daylight walking vampire thing. Izzy and Raphael are… just… there. Doing stuff. And by stuff I mean moping, not to be confused with anything actually meaningful.

And every experienced adult Shadowhunter who has ever lived have all checked out to, I dunno, play bingo or something, and are quite content to let these over-dramatic teens and early 20s run everything.

Lo, we have summed up the last season.

And we open with Lillith - who is either covered in tar or this season is going all in in really really bad blackface. I would say the former is the obvious choice but, y’know, Shadowhunters. She wants to wake up her dead evil son so he can return her naked tar embrace. I say again, incest is a thing on this show

It’s Clary’s big special day where everyone gathers around and says how special she is. Which is basically every day, but in this case she’s being officially honoured as a full Shadowhunter and no longer in  training despite the complete hot minute she’s actually spent doing that training. This is a day to rejoice apparently, with side issues with Alec who is kind of pissy that Jace died and both Jace and Clary are lying about it. They’re lying because that wish she used to resurrect Jace? That’s the only wish that nagel will grant. Could have used it for world peace. Could have used it to end world hunger. Could have used it for infinite clean power. Could have used it to forever ban pineapple on pizza. But nah, she resurrected Jace

She’d do it again in what would be a romantic moment except acting lessons are not in the budget alas.

What we do have instead are more convoluted unnecessary angst. So despite both dreams and the reality of them both rolling around half naked, Jace keeps having dreams about him murdering Clary because of his evil brother/3rd spoke of the incest love triangle. Because we need more angst

Clary also goes to Izzy, the new weapons master - seriously are there no Shadowhunters over the age of 30? She goes to pick her preferred weapon which is some kind of mystic ritual. She picks two long knives. And later learns from Luke that one is Valentine’s and the other Jocelyn’s because she has epic light and darkness in her. Or she’s just good with long knives

Can you imagine life as Clary? She had corn flakes this morning, with almond milk. Jocelyn liked cornflakes and lo there is light in her; but Valentine had almond milk. This is a momentous sign.

Magnus and Alec reunite, saying hello across a large room because this is the affection they show. Magnus has lost his job as High Warlock on account of not actually giving a shit about his people and constantly siding with the shadowhunters. He pretends not to care, being far happier selling stuff.

Hell's Detective by Michael Logan

Kat was a private detective when she was alive. It was a dirty job, but she did it well - until one night it all went wrong

And it’s a night she relives over and over again in Lost Angeles - a cute name for hell. A place where she can never forget that terrible moment when everything went wrong

But also a place, for all its chaos and violence, where her skills are still in high demand. Even the secretive administrators of this hell want to recruit her - and offer some respite which is the most anyone can want from hell… but the stakes are high and who can she trust? In hell, can she trust anyone?

This review is hard to write - because some of the things I love the most is the world building and the twists connected to this world building. We have a lot of debate about the nature of hell, a lot of questions and a lot of debate as to which of the various factions are telling the truth, who is who, what powers they have and who can be trusted among the dross and doublecross.

And I can’t talk about any of it without including massive spoilers!!!! But it’s so excellent - the twists, the debates, how Kat tries to navigate through this despite the huge stakes involved. She has to choose who to trust with so much on the line - and those stakes even eclipse her own personal advantage

The way Hell works is fascinating - Lost Angeles, a city where you can’t leave, where you can’t die. A city with resources enough to continue indulging all the sins that got you there in the first place - but a city without rules, a city without any reassurances or security. And a city where, every night, everyone relives their worst sin, that which torments them with guild the most.

And a city where people eventually disappear.

It’s an interesting concept of hell in and of itself, this Lost Angeles. But as you learn more about it as Kat investigates we get more and more answers and more and more twists that really elevates Hell above what we see in the surface - as well as the nature of demons, god etc  - and I can’t talk about any of it without spoiling this excellent book!

iZombie, Season 4, Episode 3: Brainless in Seattle Part 1

We’re introduced to another awfulness in the world of New Seattle - people trying to be smuggled into the city for various reasons. Coyotes are there to help - but the people who do this are ruthless. It’s also very dangerous - the American military surrounding the city is shooting people on sight - I presume people leaving as I can’t imagine the excuse to shoot those trying to get in

We have Annie, a young woman trying to get into Seattle to meet the man she loves… she has paid a large amount of money to get into the city for bribes and fees

And she’s this week’s crime victim. She’s found shot, her head smashed open and most of her brain taken. This is not the kind of crime anyone wants to hit the news

Also I like Ravi and Liv making tasteless jokes over the corpse but being so very disapproving over Clive accidentally saying the wrong thing. Because I miss them tormenting him. It’s also fun to see Clive openly expressing his frustration at Liv’s brain nonsense but putting up with it for visions. Their dynamic is always fun.

So what is the brain? The brain is “hopeless romantic” as you’d expect from a woman who moved across the country to a walled zombie city to hunt down an internet romance. And it may be the most annoying brain there has ever ever been. Liv on this brain is hopelessly in love with anyone who passes her by - she fixates on Allan, the distraught, equally romantic boyfriend of Annie who is devastated. And more than a little freaked out at Liv’s not-so-subtle focus on her. They are both truly nauseating, already planning weddings, children etc etc. Clive takes the box of brain chocolates off her.

Also it’s Sam Huntington which means I can’t help but seem him as a werewolf.

Clive also reminds Liv he’s a suspect so totally not an appropriate date. Instead what they need is a coyote - and Liv realises the best person to speak to is Leone - Renegade.

And she’s not the only one interested in Renegade. While Chase Graves isn’t overly interested in Major reporting his issues with the whole zombie scratch last episode (they’re now being sued) but does demand that Major get the video back. Which isn’t easy