Friday, August 30, 2013

A Letter from Urban Fantasy Parents to their Beloved Children

Dear Long Lost Son/Daughter

Hey, this is your dearly departed parent. I have a lot to tell you and, since we’re in an Urban Fantasy story, I thought it best to write it down because the chances of me living long enough for you to get past the “gaa-gaa, goo-goo” stage is pretty limited.

You have just turned 16/18/21/met that super hawt guy and everything has changed! You can now see things you never thought existed. You can do things that were impossible! You have powers and skills and a whole lot of teenaged angst about them!


You’re actually a vampire/dhampire/lost faerie princess/super powerful mage/shaman/god* (Delete as appropriate)!

This must be something of a shock to you since we decided to keep it completely secret all of your life, but we had our reasons. See it’s dangerous to be a (insert shiny magical thing) so we decided the best way to help prepare you was to keep you completely ignorant of everything so one day you will have to fight/run from/conquer the terrible, dangerous evil while also dealing with disbelief, culture shock and one hell of a learning curve

If you’re really lucky, you’ll also be doing this while grieving over my recently deceased body.

Yes, we decided this was a much better way to prepare you than, well, actually preparing you. But I’m sure this note explaining things will be far better than a childhood of understanding, teaching, support, learning your skills, training and being told about your enemies

It’s quite possible that our decision making skills may be why Urban Fantasy parents don’t live very long...

Don’t worry, child, these new powers come with a full set of plot armour. You’ll be fine!

Love you forever for lots and lots of angst that should still be having you moping in Book 3,

Dead Urban Fantasy Parent.

(P.S. Please find enclosed cryptic magical Mcguffin/Deus Ex that I won’t explain because I’m running out of paper or something, but it’ll be useful. Honest).

(P.P.S. Trust Complete Stranger Guide person who I have never ever introduced you to before despite them being my oldest friend in the world. It was necessary to hide this person you will completely rely on from you because…oh look, out of paper again.)