Saturday, July 4, 2015

Olympus, Season 1, Episode 12: Door to Olympus

Medea finally remembers she’s a witch of some power – and calls to Circe which is naughty bad wrong (judging by the fiery special effects which are still awfully cheap). After much dramatic speeches she offers everything in the service of Circe’s “deliverance” in exchange for being shown the door to Olympus – even if it kills her. She is willing to die so others may live – Circe reminds him that she can’t bring back the dead but Medea is confident Hero will do the rest and willingly gives up her life and soul.

And lo, the last character I cared about may die. The only character

But she lives with Circe inside her – though that gives them a time limit to act before Circe fully takes over. Daedalus disapproves of not using science since then Medea has sacrificed herself but his science led them to Pandora’s tomb so he shouldn’t throw stones. Circe drops in with a terrible croaky throat to say how useless and silly they all are and totally doomed to fail.

Hero tries to convince Oracle he’s not completely evil. He’s not convincing and Oracle is monumentally pissed and decides she wants to know Hero’s real name so calls on Gaia’s woo-woo. He warns her about the whole turning to stone thing but she wants to see the proof of this. She then decides to hit him in the head with a rock

I approve. Daedalus does not and his intervention ends up with Hero pinning Oracle and calling him totally her friend and ally and how his killing people is just a “mistake”. Oracle is not buying it and would love to just try and kill Hero to make it go away, but hero doesn’t think the Lexicon will disappear so easily and he pokes holes in her whole theory of benevolent gods giving the Lexicon generously while also cursing them with it – because it makes no sense.

Daedalus and Hero both think Zeus needs them to solve the Lexicon as it’s the only explanation for why it exists (albeit not why Tempus guards it)

In the end the choice is join them willingly or Hero will just drag Oracle behind him. The move on into a wooden hut that Circe/Medea has warded because the Fates are now pissed at them for reasons. Which comes from fates snipping their threads, sirens singing and Hero being molested by roots. Lots of screaming until Circe pulls out more woo-woo and they end up in a completely white place (easiest possibly CGI!) with a flickering Hermes making a random guest appearance to say that Oracle knows nothing and no-one cares about her sacrifice or service.

He’s also clear that, yes, before Hero dies he will take the Lexicon and pass it on to someone else. But Daedalus steps in for god mocking and showing off the ring of the magi. Hermes scarpers. The god killing ring makes them afraid (in case we didn’t guess) and Daedalus again claims the gods are now whizzing around and can’t hear people because they move so fast based on who-knows.

Oracle tries to justify his revelations, deciding Gaia is wonderful and it is only Hermes. Hero actually has the audacity to claim he is backing strangers over people who she loves – yes he’s invoking love with the Oracle. Really. Yes they are now kindred spirits (who threaten to drag each other with a rope). She slaps him for trying to kiss him; she is not even slightly impressed.

Another theological debate – gods want them all alive and how the gods do contend against each other. Oracle finds a vast degree of certainty in deciding not to question anything so Medea puts on her best manipulator hat to get her on side, casting this all as the will of Zeus

When they walk off Hero tries to apologise to Oracle for another argument. He decides it’s all Oracles fault for revealing who his father was and telling him to go to Athens – so then everything he does now becomes her fault. Oh gods this show just gets worse. Of course Oracle doesn’t even blame Hero – she blames Medea. She’s going along anyway

Daedalus recounts his theories – the gods are invisible and hiding because they’re super fast and that they’re, maybe, hiding from enemies from other worlds – ALIENS.

They find a desert and Medea collapses from lack of water (after a day) and Oracle decides to find water by invoking Hermes despite Hermes just trying to kill them earlier because she decides Hermes is a cunning trickster pretending to be harming them while also really trying to help them. Which, of course, makes all of his cryptics statements even more cryptic and yet more pointless.

After all that they end up in the Temple of Gaia – the doors to Olympus. Hero tries to threaten Circe to make her stay longer which is laughably pointless. Instead Oracle claims Medea will beat Circe – which seems to work – with Oracle and Medea’s trickery together they manage to push Circe back.

Flummoxed over what to do next they turn to the Oracle again (she is at the Temple after all), next step is to kiss the living mouth of Gaia. Which, of course, means The Oracle. And it has to be meaningful. He nags her and guilts her until she submits. They kiss and the bad CGI strikes again – and time seems to freeze.

They have passed the doors of Olympus – reached their speed in time. Chronos appears, looking awful.

This show is terrible. So utterly terrible. The entire first half of the season – Minos, Aegeus, all the politics is just all pointless now. None of it was relevant. It’s all been replaced by a quest – and it’s a bullshit quest as well. It involves nothing more than travel and pausing now and again to poke the Oracle for the next clue. There are children’s games that are more advanced.

And then we have random gods popping in so Daedalus can sneer his theories about the gods not being magical (Gaia is the size of a mountain, Circe is living flame and Hermes stutters back and forth, but no magic, honest) but the gods themselves don’t do anything except say something vague and cryptic. Then the Oracle repeats something cryptic. Then they all argue over the cryptic. Then  Daedalus presents a theory he just pulled out his arse because it’s based on nothing

Stamping all over this pointless awfulness we have the Hero and the Oracle with him alternating between insulting, abusing and threatening her and then deciding he loves her, cares for her etc. The only good thing is her continued resistance – but we know that won’t last. It’s one of the most toxic depictions of romance I’ve ever seen.

Throw in terrible acting and awful CGI and I will be gleeful when this show ends