Supernatural: Season 9, Episode 16: Blade Runners

After a quick reminder that Dean now has the Mark of Cain so he can use the First Blade to kill Abaddon as part of an extremely fun but likely very inadvisable alliance with Crowley, we have Dean fretting that said King of Hell isn’t answering his phone.

It’s especially worrying because, playing Dean’s voicemail, it’s apparent that Crowley drunk dialled Dean. I’m not sure what it means to be drunk dialled by the King of Hell but no good can come from it. Crowley’s not currently answering the phone (Dean’s name on his phone is “Not Moose”. I may give the whole episode 5 Fangs for that alone) because he’s enjoying the intimate (and fully clothed – c’mon CW) attention of Lola. He’s also injecting himself with human blood (and keeps a man tied up in the cupboard for just that purpose). The human blood has some strange effects on Crowley – including making him all weepy over old movies. Lola isn’t put off by this – in fact she seems quite cunningly pleased.

Lola is working for Abaddon (though through a minion that she doesn’t appreciate) and is not only keeping Crowley rather incapacitated, but she’s learned of the First Blade.

The Winchesters are done calling so summon a crossroads demon. Who is possessing Snooki – yes the reality TV celebrity. And yes, demonic possession would explain a lot about reality TV. She doesn’t really know where Crowley is – but she does know Abaddon is winning over Hell with his inattention.

But Crowley isn’t entirely gone – sure he’s hooked on human blood but he knows when he’s being played. He confronts Lola and after a quickly aborted attempt at begging she sneers at him and how far he’s fallen. Crowley stabs her with a demon-killing blade. Afterwards he crumples a little…

He calls the Winchesters to help and they come see him – and the place he’s crashing and catch him with a bag of blood (Crowley’s face is a perfect expression of guilt, shame and anger). They chain him to a chair – they’re staging an intervention. Which involves taking him back to the Winchester Cave and chaining him up again.

Crowley tells them the long convoluted trail of the blade he found and poor Crowley is all sentimental from the human blood and tries to dig up a possible friendship with Sam. Nope, not happening.

The go to meet someone about the blade (and Dean and Sam are both embarrassed by Crowley stealing candy from a vending machine, c’mon Crowley you’re better – or worse – than that). When the man arrives they start to question him but Crowley facilitates things with a rapid possession.

But Abaddon’s demons get there first and leave 3 dead bodies in their wake – but the blade was already gone. They speak to a professor who sees Dean and is veeerrrryyy interested and she reveals that she’d already sold the blade on the hush hush because it was nearly impossible to authenticate. And all she got from the buyer is a code name – Magnus. Yes she’s don’t a lot of ethical checking on this guy

Blood Prophecy (Blood Hunters, #4) by Marie Treanor

 

Janine is a  a descendant of the ancients, recovery addict and prostitute.  A faithful meeting with the vampire Dmitriu in which she almost dies, causes her to rethink her life.  Janine gets clean and joins the hunter organization determined to ensure that no vampire will ever make her feel cheap and used again. Janine finally feels that when and if she meets Dmitriu again that she will be able to settle a score.  What she does not know is that she is part of a prophecy given by the last ancient prophet Luk, "The junkie whore shall save the trinity in the first hour."  For his part, Dmitriu is determined to help Saloman as he prepares to welcome a child into the world and this means finding Janine and assuring that is at Elizabeth's Silk's birth. Can he convince Janine to put aside her distrust of him to help him on his mission.

Treanor takes care to introduce characters we are familiar with along with storylines from other books in order to make this story based on essentially unknown character fit into her larger narrative.  Unfortunately some of this felt repetitive as the birth of Saloman and Elizabeth child, along with the threat that Konrad represents  was aptly covered in Blood Descent.  It made the prophecy, which reads large in this novel feel redundant.  

The characterization of Janine is this book is hopelessly problematic.  I lost count of the times that she is referred to as a "junkie whore".  Janine is essentially the good girl who has gone bad and ultimately saved, or rather made clean by the love of a vampire and his magical penis.  He of course isn't like any other John that she serviced because he made her come.  It reads as though Janine has no value during her stage of addiction and prostitution and that is a dangerous line of thinking to promote given the enormous amount of violence faced by sex workers.  The plot also follows the typical line of making a sex worker a tortured person.  Not all prostitutes are drug addicted and suffering.  It seems inconceivably to the media that there are women who not only actively choose this line of work but enjoy it. 

Part of Janine's reformation is a change in her style of dress.  Moving away from clothing which reveals her body is a signal to the world that her body is no longer for sale.  Can we say slutshaming?  A woman's clothing is not a signal of anything other than she likes what she is wearing.  Several times, Janine talks about wearing a burka.  So now we have slutshaming and outright appropriation.  Burka is a complex garment and should never be used in this way.  For some women it represents a rejection of Western imperialism and a sign of liberation. For others, it's a cage and a symbol of patriarchal Islamic control.  Either way, it is a garment that does not belong in this story and most certainly not as a supposed symbol of Janine's metamorphosis from"junkie whore" to brave, chaste warrior.

Being Human, Season Four, Episode Ten: Oh Don't You Die for Me

Josh meets up with the werewolf pack to apologize but he is told that they are only there to see what he has to show them, not to make friends.  Josh strips off his clothing and starts to change into a wolf.

Aidan and Suzanna are hiding near the vampire club and Aidan suggests that they shouldn't be there and instead should be keeping a low profile. Suzanna says that this is why she needs him and reminds him of his recent kill.  Suzanna suggests that remorse isn't enough and that she needs to hit the Boston nest where it hurts. Suzanna points to Kenny and tells Aidan that he is going to take Kenny out because Kenny is the leader.

The next morning, Josh is making the bed and Sally tries to stall him so that he will still be there when Nora arrives to pick up her things.  Josh says that no one wants to be with a cheater with anger issues. This is especially salient given Nora's history as a survivor of intimate partner violence. Josh says that he is going to go meet up with Andrew and Caroline.  Sally asks Josh not to start a new pack and make up with Nora instead.  Josh reveals that his reality is that Nora is terrified of him.  Sally follows Josh into he hallway and sees Aidan wrapped in a towel and flashes back to their time together.  Sally tells Aidan to put some clothes on. Half naked Aidan - I approve.

At Caroline and Andrew's, they talk about their new place and that moving is about keeping April safe and sound.  Mark enters and greets Josh with a hug saying that it's good to see him there. Andrew announces that they are having a party and have invited the entire pack for a house warming. Mark says that it's a long weekend with wolves and that part of keeping April safe is keeping the pack safe.  They announce that the wolves won't do anything without Josh because he is now the pack leader.

Back at the house, Sally questions why Josh wants to change with Mark because Mark did punch him in the face.  Josh reminds Sally that he mated with Mark's wife. Sally snarks that Josh shouldn't change with Mark instead of Nora. Josh begs Sally to let it go but she replies that she cannot because he is a weird wolf thing because of her.  The two continue to bicker and Josh tells Sally that she cannot do anymore magic because they may never see her again.  Josh adds that he can deal with whatever he is now and won't lose her forever. Sally argues that this wolf is not who Josh is because that wolf chased Nora away. Josh replies that it feels good to be the alpha for once but Sally calls Josh a beta. Sally walks out of the room, just as Nora walks in.  Josh says that he is on his way out and Nora replies that it will only take her a few hours to get the rest of her stuff.  Josh tells Nora to be safe when she changes tonight and they go their separate ways. Things are really awkward between them and they can barely make eye contact with each other.

At the hospital, Suzanna says that she has finally become the nagging wife and reminds Aidan of their agreement.  Suzanna argues that every day that Kenny is alive people die and the body count is ticking up. Aidan claims that he is not interested in a suicide mission because Kenny is too well protected. Suzanna argues back that maybe killing a girl the other night must be just who he is right now.  Suanna hands Aidan the crucifix which he filed into a stake to use against Kenny.  They talk about suicide and how they have never been able to do it.  Suzanna says that if she had self discipline she would have been dead centuries ago. Suzanna walks away after telling Aidan to put an end to the new vampires.

At the pack house, Mark expresses his sorrow that thing are not good between Josh and Nora.  He tells Josh he is not the guy Nora knew but this new guy is awesome.  Really?  This new guy who terrifies this wife and almost forced himself on her.  Gee, can we all have a role model like that? Josh replies that he is looking forward to this turn.  Mark tells Josh that everyone here gets him and that Nora will turn around.  Mark says that Wendy is also taking time away from everything and Josh apologizes.  Mark promises Josh that he will never blow up again, now that he knows Josh is a special kind of wolf.  Mark adds that the wolf knows things before their human counterparts do. The conversation is interrupted and Mark introduces Josh to prospective member of the werewolf pack.  When she leaves, Josh confronts Mark because the girl is fully human and not a wolf.

Aidan heads to see Kenny and Kenny talks about how the vampires are blowing up. Kenny explains that they have a full veggie option at their new blood dens and Aidan suggests that they slow down a little.  Kenny explains that people are coming to him, asking for him to replicate his success because most of the old timers are grim.They may have been a little grim but how can anyone not embrace vampires of the corn? Aidan points out that Kenny is now sitting where Bishop sat and saying how different he is. I suppose this is Aidan's version of absolute power corrupts absolutely. Aidan reminds Kenny that he knew all of Bishop's plans and that Kenny is starting to sound like Bishop.  Kenny excuses himself for a moment and Aidan reaches in his pocket for the stake.  Before Aidan can strike, Astrid walks in. It seems that Kenny has forged a  relationship with the werewolves. Astrid and Kenny kiss after he tells her what he packed for her change. Aidan tells Kenny that he can do whatever he wants but questions  if Kenny is doing all of this for Astrid, or for himself before leaving.

The Tomorrow People: Season 1, Episode 16: Superhero

A paranormal woman in leather, a mask and a hood (discreet she isn’t) follows a man down the road to his house where they fight. The man’s an ordinary human and lasts a few seconds before staying down and giving the woman chance to find another woman, bound and gagged, in the man’s cupboard

A paranormal super-hero?

To john and Cara who are getting it on. No really, I think they’re supposed to be having sex – not just making out and not cut away. Why supposed to be? Because this is the CW and they’re both clearly wearing underwear (there’s not even an attempt to hide it)… but there’s definite underwear grinding going on. In the aftermath (at some point clothes were removed) Cara is unsure about what this means for their working relationship but John assures her he respects her authority.

Y’know, even if he’s being honest there, that’s pretty terrible, because he didn’t respect it before (and, to be fair, her decision making didn’t deserve much respect) but now he respects it because of orgasms?

To the HQ where the convenient shiny device belonging to Stephen’s dad is confirmed to be a key and it’s biologically linked to Roger (Stephen’s dad) which is proof that Roger’s body is out there because REASONS. He wants to read Jedikiah’s mind, Cara thinks they’ve played this game before and whatever Stephen wants, he’s doing it alone.

So he goes out drinking with Russell (aren’t they supposed to be 16 or 17? Are we not even pretending they’re kids any more?) Though Russell is right, there is no way Stephen can say “I’m not interested in talking about girls, I’m interested in my dad’s body” and it not sound wrong. So very very wrong. Stephen’s night is interrupted by a call from Ultra about the new breakout, the superhero who apparently leaves a rose behind.

This sends Russell into flashback mode – 4 years ago when Russell was partying and gambling in a casino, cheating with his powers and a woman who uses her own powers to stop Russell winning – so he doesn’t get dragged downstairs by a gang of unsympathetic guys who don’t appreciate such “luck” (that means Russell didn’t learn his lesson either now or when his father suffered because of his gambling. Character growth? Who needs that?).

Anyway, Ultra wants to kill the superhero because they’re evil and Stephen goes in to interview a conspiracy theorist with Hillary. Who turns out knowing nothing – I think this scene is here to show how dangerous Hillary is because she threatens people but considering they’re both mind readers it just seems so ridiculous. Why do you interrogate people, telepaths, whyyyy?

At the HQ John is getting in some nice gratuitous shirtlessness and Morgan wants to help Stephen get in Jedikiah’s head because she knows him and is sure it’ll work. And it’s totally not because she wants to see her boyfriend or get out of the base and be able to come back without Cara shutting the door on her behind. Honest.

Stephen’s research brings up that Russell and the super hero, Talia, knew each other and Russell confesses all – and by all, basically that they hit casinos and have unfinished business. So less all and more “nothing”. But the rose she leaves behind is rare and special and Tim knows where it can be found

Teen Wolf, Season 3, Episode 23: Insatiable

Dr. Deacon removes the nasty black nogitsune flies from the werewolves which is unpleasant to say the least before recapping Evil Stiles splitting in two and kidnapping Lydia while no-one was watching. Also confirming that this Stiles is the Good Stiles and not another Evil Stiles.

Which means an awkward check up from Melissa (probably remembering the secrets Stiles knows) and a meeting with Noshiko and her Oni, at Stiles’s invitation. The Oni check him – and let him go, leaving him with the “self” kanji. Stiles is actually Stiles. Now they have to find Evil Stiles and see what he wants with a bean sidhe’s power.

Lydia has been taken to Eichmen House, the mental hospital, in the tunnels where the nogitsune was stabbed by Noshiko before; the tunnels echo with screams and cries from all the bad things that have happened down there. Evil Stiles is still gloriously terrifying, asking Lydia what the voices tell her – and saying Stiles is dying

Noshiko can’t unleash her oni until nighttime and in the meantime she wants to teach Kira how to play Go. The nogitsune and Stiles were playing Go in Stiles’s mind – and everything is a game to him anyway, so they need to learn to fight him. There’s an abstract connection there, so I’ll run with it.

Derek and Chris have a nice “we’re totally friends now” moment and realise that Evil Stiles is really really powerful and is likely to be after them, not running and hiding.

At the police station, Sherriff Stilinski is worrying (and still needs a first name) and we get some info on the new deputy – Parish left his old station for reasons unknown and was “drawn” to Beacon Hills. Which means he has woo-woo of some kind. And Stiles arrives, Good Stiles – awwwwww touching reunion scene. As they talk, Stiles remembers an inmate at Eichmen house, Meredith, who seemed to have an idea what was going on (actually this is my very very very generous interpretation of an amazing leap of logic) – off they go to visit (she’s been moved to the secure unit because of endless screaming. Which is probably not a good sign).

At Eichmen House, the sadistic guard Barnes brags about how he likes to drug inmates – but Meredith got the better of the orderly and drugged him instead.

The twins are out in the woods randomly looking – when someone starts shooting at them, apparently with wolf bane. Aidan falls, badly injured while Ethan is pinned by gunfire. The injured twins try to stagger to safety – and Derek swoops in to get them to a cave and shelter. He goes to find help before the poison kills them both (and we’re reminded the twins have a huge list of enemies).

Scott and Alison find Lydia’s car and in between looking for clues they awkwardly talk about that time they had sex while Isaac was possessed by the demon bug – and does that mean Isaac wanted that or didn’t or even remembers it…. The answer to all this is of course that he remembers and wants oh yes – and they find a message from Lydia “don’t find me.”

After which Allison returns home to have a moment with her dad and officially graduate and make some silver ammo – arrow heads in Allison’s case. And they have a beautiful loving scene that screams “goodbye”…. That’s not good.

Helmut Saves the World by Matt Sheehan

Helmut Haase and his druid partner Shamus O'Sheehan, own the Fog City Detective Agency.  Helmut plays the role of heavy and accounting manager, while Shamus uses his druidic powers to help solve cases. Though both men are completely opposite, they are a formidable team. Motivated by a large payday, Helmut ropes Shamus into a case which quickly reveals the darker side of their world.

Though there are elements of the fantastical in this book, Helmut Saves the World is a dime novel masquerading as a detective story.  Events tend to happen to Helmut and Shamus, rather than them actually being engaged in a mystery and discovering a solution. Coming in at 105 pages, Helmut Saves the World is a novella and as such, has specific limitations due to length.   Sheehan did take great care with his world building to create an alternative earth, with a new history but took no such care with character development or motivation.  Helmut Haase is easily one of the most unlikable protagonists that I have had the misfortune to stumble upon in the longest time.   He is an avid womanizer, with zero respect for women.  His only goal is to amass fortune and display it like a ridiculous peacock.  He drips of uninformed hypermasculinity, with absolutely zero nuance.   To Sheehan's credit however, I am not at all convinced that readers are meant to truly embrace Helmut.  

Female characters exist as little more than conquests to Helmut.  He seduces them quickly and discards them like yesterdays refuse. The only two female characters who have any weight in the story are Katina, a woman Helmut lusts after and of course must save, when a man comes on too strong at a bar and Phoebe, whose largest claim to fame was rejecting Helmut's charms in favour of Shamus.  To make matters worse, Helmut naturally assumes that Phoebe is a lesbian at first because she doesn't rush to open her legs. Women are simply conquests to be bedded and have far less characterization than the male characters.  Which is saying something because the male characters are cardboard cutouts, with Helmut excelling in the role of Gary Stu.

Continuum, Season 3, Episode 1: Minute by Minute

We left off with all kinds of chaos – including Alec using the time travel device not to send Kira home – but to go and save Emily.

Kira is in a Freelancer prison along with Garza, Kellog and Jason – and we have a reminder that the dead Liber8 member Curtis is neither dead nor Liber8. He takes Kira to an interview room where he tells her they’ve all been had by Alec. Curtis and the Freelancers want to know when Alec is. (Yes, when). She describes the death of Emily at the hands of the Freelancers (Freelancers need to take better notes) and still wants to know why Curtis isn’t dead since she did the killing and all. Apparently soon she will know everything and see the “battlefield” for the first time – totally not ominous.

As if this show weren’t confusing enough with the time line, we also have to play the “one week earlier” game. Alec has successfully travelled through time and buries the time machine (if by “bury” we mean “put in a hole less than 2 inches deep”) and repeatedly shows us the nifty features on his phone which I’m sure isn’t blatant product placement, honest.

Future Alec finds Emily who is with Past Alec – Alec, despite being a genius, doesn’t think things through much. He’s spotted by Jason who sees 2 Alecs and realises there’s time travel afoot; he agrees to help. Whether that’s useful or not is somewhat in doubt. Future Alec hits his lab and has to deal with a highly clueless Kellog, including using future knowledge to reveal poor Kellog’s plotting and Escher’s evil schemes.

Future Alec runs into Emily and does an awful job of covering his shock and emotion – and tries to get her to go to Thailand.

Kira is taken to see Catherine, the head of the Freelancer cell who has some exposition for us: 100 years after Kira was born (even further in the future) a war began as time travel technology became more commonly available. Laws were created to stop people messing with the time line for personal gain and the Freelancers came together to try and stop people screwing with history. It started with their founder going back 1,000 years to create his little cult to always be ready to fight time travelling naughtiness. This also means most of them don’t travel through time – because they have agents in every age and excessive time travel is kind of the opposite of what they do.

Anyway, Alec has messed with the time line and created a new branch – a branch which he is now on. Apparently that means he ISN’T on the current branch which is awkward since his global corporate empire kind of entirely defines Kira’s world and future. So Kira and the Freelancers have a common goal – restoring continuity. And they want Kira to fix it because they’re limited and in trouble for letting it happen at all.

Apparently collecting all the time travellers is no longer sufficient to fix what Alec is breaking since he is such a pivotal historical figure. And Kira is just not that willing to jump on the Freelancer bandwagon given the givens. She’s lead back to her cell and on the way crosses path with Garza and her own guard – deep eye contact and a fight scene follows – Kira and Garza fighting off both guards and another who joins, with the addition of a gun Garza manages to grab. This is why you don’t chain people’s hands in front of them – it just puts lumps of metal and useful chain on their fists.

Freed, Garza and Kira make a quick truce. Elsewhere in the base, Curtis tells Catherine what a bad idea it is to recruit Kira since she’s a brainwashed cop and Catherine hits back that she’s a mother so that overrides right before the alarm sounds (cop or mother irrelevant, can kick arse almost as good as Garza is far more pertinent).

Resurrection, Season One, Episode Two: Unearth

Resurrection opens with Jacob walking through a graveyard. He pauses when he gets to the Langston tomb. He sees a vision of Caleb, who turns into dust before his eyes and when Jacob looks down at his hand, it begins to turn into dust.  This wakes Jacob and he is comforted by his mother Lucille.  Lucille comforts him and says that he is dreaming.

Elaine is still in shock that her father is alive and front of her. Maggie steps forward and introduces Martin, who asks what he can remember.  Caleb explains that he thought he had amnesia and doesn't remember. Caleb says that the last thing he remembers is driving his truck and passing out, then waking up in an alleyway in Portland three days ago.  Maggie questions if Caleb remembers having a heart attack and Caleb says no. Martin then informs Caleb that he died. A confused Caleb wonders what they are talking about and Maggie says that he was found by Dale at his hunting lodge.  Caleb calls this crazy and adds that Dale must have found someone else. Caleb grabs his head and asks if they have to do this now and Elaine is quick to say that this can wait.  Maggie asks that Elaine bring Caleb by her office the next day, before she and Martin head outside.  Martin asks Maggie if they are wrong about Caleb being cremated and if  it is possible that Caleb's story is true.  Maggie says that she saw his body before he was cremated and even more confusing, Caleb hasn't aged a day. Martin replies that now there are two who have returned. Martin questions why Jacob remembers dying and Caleb doesn't.  Ray joins them on the porch and declares that Caleb is not his father.

The next day, Jacob gets out of the shower and Lucille dries him off and brushes his hair, as Henry watches briefly before leaving.  Jacob notices his father then tells Lucille that he can brush his own hair. Lucille says that it's time to get him something different to wear and Jacob asks where his things are.  Lucille tells him to wait right there and that she will be right back.  Lucille opens a box which contains memorabilia from when Jacob was first alive. Jacob appears behind her in the doorway and Lucille announces that they are going shopping.

Martin is on the phone with Tony and he begs to keep what is going on under wraps. Martin is worried that the government will demand that Jacob be scooped up and subjected to medical testing. Tony suggests that this might need to be done. Martin is adamant that separating the family would not be right and that it would block the truth from coming out.

Maggie heads to see Fred with a coffee in hand.  Fred says that it's nice of Maggie to visit the old man and explains the mess in his house by claiming to have had friends over.  Maggie says that she is jut checking on him to make sure he is fine.  Maggie brings up what Jacob said about a man being at the river.  Fred immediately questions Jacob's identity and tells her not to allow other people to fill her head with stories about her mother.  Maggie says that Jacob is real and so is Caleb Richards.

Maggie then arrives at her office and finds Martin waiting for her.  Martin says that he is trying to figure out what is happening here an needs an ally. Martin says that there is no way to test Caleb's ashes from the urn but points out that Jacob's remains from the tomb can be tested.  Maggie asks what happens if there is nothing inside and Martin jokes that he needs to get the hell out of town before the dead all rise.  Maggie then explains that her mother is in the tomb as well and Martin says that he doesn't need her permission but is asking out of respect.  Maggie asserts that her family should be asked and that she wants to be there.

Lucille has taken Jacob to a soccer field to play with the other kids. He runs around until a whisper campaign starts to happen among the other mothers. One by one, parents calls their kids off the field, as a helpless Lucille watches.  In the end, Jacob is the only child remaining.  Clearly, the town is spooked by his return from the dead.

Caleb is eating breakfast as Elaine watches.  Caleb looks at the urn and questions whether Elaine believes he is in there.  Elaine says no and Caleb points out that he is pretty hungry for a dead man. Elaine sits and says that they have so much to catch up on.  Caleb admits to not always being the greatest father and that when life gives you a second chance, you have to take it.  Caleb grabs Elaine's hand saying that he is going to make this count. Elaine replies that she never thought she would hear those words.