The Returned, Season 1, Episode 7: Rowan

Opening flashback! This time to a year ago.

It’s a flashback to Rowan’s life (which seems to involve a lot of cleaning) with Chloe and Tommy –but still hallucinating Simon (this is before Simon returned so it’s an actual hallucination this time).

Hallucination Simon is quite vicious in his put downs. Ominously, Rowan tearfully writes letters (looking like she’s ready to emulate Simon’s suicide) but Tommy gets worried and checks up on herm, getting her medical help for the pills she took

In the present day things are still these but more because of the murders Tommy is investigating. (Or not murders since Lucy came back).

Simon hasn’t given up and tells Chloe to tell Rowan he’s coming to pick them both up – because he hasn’t taken the hint of them not showing up the first time

Chloe and Victor meet in the playground while Julie and Nikki are all cute and couply in the distance – Chloe asks Victor if Julie and Nikki are his mothers and reveals her dad is dead and returned; Victor tells her he’s also in the dead club. But definitely not an angel.

Rowan goes the therapy and she’s had something of a breakthrough – she’s furious. She’s furious that she’s spent so much time and money wallowing in Simon when he left her (through suicide). She refuses to do it any more and hands over all of her pills. Which isn’t medically sound.

Which is why she’s scared and angry when she hears that Simon spoke to Chloe – and told her he was coming for them.

In the Winship house, Camille tells Claire that telling her wannabe-boyfriend Ben that she’s a zombie is apparently not a great romantic strategy.

Camille’s friends decide to dig up Camille’s body. There is no body in the coffin – but it is full of water. They’re also caught grave robbing which adds to the stuff Tommy has to worry about. He questions them and doesn’t entirely buy that the body wasn’t in the coffin. When he threatens to charge them, Ben tells Tommy that Camille is back.

So Tommy goes to the Winships and demands they take Camille (or “Alice”) to the station with her ID (uh… based on what?)

Claire and Peter warn Jack before deciding on their next plan – a revelation to the whole group of grieving parents who lost kids in the bus disaster. They trot out Camille and reveal who she really is. Unsurprisingly, Chris, one of the parents wants to know why Camille and not her daughter – even lashing out at how mean she was. Camille flees the room.

Salem, Season 2, Episode 3: From Within

As if disease and filth weren’t enough, now we have something down a well luring people with children’s laughter then dragging them in. This is not helping

Mary’s trying to teach her feral child table manners – and not to kill passing doves and carry their corpses around (at least not to the dinner table!)

She has other problems with Hawthorne speaking up for power again – demanding a magistrate be put in place (especially since accused criminals are being locked up with plagued inmates). Hawthorne naturally puts himself forward and again snipes at Mary’s gender.

Time for an election over supper at Mary’s house – and she realises, as she tells Tituba, that she needs George to make Hawthorne back off. This quickly turns into an argument about Tituba hiding her son from her. They both threaten each other

We’re also introduced to Corwin who has apparently been Mary’s servant for years even though I’m sure we’ve never heard of him before now. Mary’s all touchy because Corwin didn’t speak up against Hawthorne. So now Corwin will be Mary’s candidate for Magistrate – especially since he’s a witch as well, though like Hale before him, he’s leery of how much attention Mary is attracting to them. John spies on their meeting (remember he plans to kill the Magistrate).

Meanwhile the very burned Mercy has her father bring her friend Dollie to her. She’s the only one of her followers who escaped and unharmed and Mercy intends to use her for epic revenge, of course. She goes to minister to Isaac – but whether because of her own inclinations of Mercy’s orders I don’t know.

Mercy is controlling her abusive father by controlling his “shrivelled manhood” so I take it he is one of the men whose penis she stole.

Isaac is convinced he’s going to hell for being a fornicator still, though Mary reassures him, basically scorning the idea that physical pleasure is sinful and pointing out how damn weird it is for a god to give humans body that feel such pleasures and then forbid them. Dr. Wainwright overhears and approves for much fun snark. She warns him that people are starting to mutter things about the doctor (because Salem likes its accusations) in a weird kind of flirty exchange surrounded by the sick and dying.

The Last Man on Earth, Season One, Episode Eleven: Moved to Tampa

Phil and Carol announce to the group that they have decided to get divorced.  It's beyond awkward and filled with recriminations.  They do end wishing each well.  When Carol thanks Phil for three weeks of marriage, it sets Gail and Erica whispering. 

The next day, Phil is throwing paint into a wood chipper because there is no one to call him on his childish behaviour.  Gail knocks on the door and asks Phil to have a little fun, given that his marriage with Carol was only three weeks old when it came to an end. In typical Phil, fashion he is ridiculously awkward and Gail has to spell out the details to him. Carol arrives with a container to pick up her things and Gail promises to come back later so they can finish this.

Todd serves Melissa breakfast and it's a pancake in the shape of a heart.  Todd chooses this moment to confess his happiness and love, saying that it's all because of Melissa. When Todd tells Melissa that he loves her, Melissa's response is "thank you".  No one wants to hear that as a response to a declaration of love.

Phil has gone to get some milk and runs into Erica.  Phil is quick to say that single life is in everyone's best interest.  Erica asks Phil to go on a hike with her and Phil is quick to say yes.  They agree to meet at 5, two hours later than his meeting with Gail. 

Later, Phil is driving his truck when he comes across a sad Todd, walking by himself.  Todd tells Phil all about what happened with Melissa, and the declaration of love, Phil points out that Melissa hates him and they are the only two guys around.  Todd however is worried that someone else will show up and kill their monopoly on women but Phil assures Todd that he has even more to loose given his prospects are two women.  Phil declares that no one else will show up before driving off.

Despite all of the confidence he shared with Todd, Phil is just as insecure.  He pulls up at a billboard sign which he painted alive at Tuscon on and decides to paint over it, saying to himself that he has a good thing going and doesn't want to see it ruined.  On the sign, Phil paints moved to Tampa.  Being the fool that he is, Phil doesn't pay attention and the ladder he used to access the billboard falls to the ground leaving him trapped. Phil screams for help but he is too far away for anyone to hear him.

In the meantime, Gail has shown up for her sex date with Phil, only to find his house empty.  Finally, Gail settles in on Phil's bed with a glass of wine.

In the meantime, Phil has taken off his pants in an attempt to use it as shade only for the wind to blow it away. On his head, he is wearing his t-shirt.  How taking off all of his clothing to protect himself from the sun made sense, is absolutely beyond me.

Erica has now shown up at Phil's for her date.  Both women realise that they have both been stood up.  Carol arrives and Erica explains that she had plans to go hiking with Phil.  Carol being Carol, has to slut shame both women.  Gail refuses to be shamed and says that she planned on having sex with Phil.  Carol tells both women that they were going to get her sloppy seconds.

The next morning, Todd serves Melissa a pancake and this time, it is not in the shape of a heart.  Melissa apologises for her response to Todd's declaration of love, explaining that she doesn't take saying that word lightly.  Melissa then cuts the pancake into the shape of a heart and offers Todd a piece of the pancake, which he refuses.

Phil awakes and he still trapped on the billboard and is starting to go red from the sun.

Carol grabs herself come coffee and runs into Gail and Erica.  When Carol learns that Phil didn't show up and missed out on the chance to have sex with two women, Carol jumps to the conclusion that Phil is dead.

The Renegade Hunter (Argeneau #12) by Lynsay Sands

Josephine, who is attending her sister Sam's party decides to step outside to get some air after deciding that the environment feels weird.  It's a walk that will change her life.  Once outside, she is attacked by a rogue vampire only to be saved by Nicholas an ex hunter and rogue himself.  Before Josephine knows it, she on the run for her life and involved in a fifty year old murder mystery.  She cannot believe her hero is actually guilty of what he is accused and no matter what, decides that she is going to get to the bottom of things.  When Jo falls in love with Nicholas it makes everything that much more urgent.  Can she prove Nicholas' innocence before the vampire council sentences to stake and bake?

Josephine was a bit of fresh air after her sister Sam in The Immortal Hunter.  Unlike her sister, Josephine doesn't suffer from self esteem issues and certainly doesn't spend the book wondering how or why it is Nicholas finds her attractive and loves her.  It made her infinitely more likable in my book.  Sands worked hard to give Jo some sassy and intelligence however the later was achieved by making everyone dumb as a stump.  Nicholas spent fifty years believing that he has murdered a pregnant woman and never once stopped to think about the gaps in his memory and what that could mean?  I'm supposed to think that this man is capable when he missed something this important?  Then there is the issue that three of his father's immortal wives died inexplicably and no one that this was something to be concerned about until Jo brought it up?  I know that Sands is a romance writer and focuses on love and the HEA but this just pulled me out of the story.

The Renegade Hunter was also extremely repetitive.  How many times did we have to have Jo explain why it is she felt that Nicholas is innocent.  By the time she got around to explaining it to Lucian I was beyond bored.  Then there is the issue that the book is overly descriptive.  Just a trip to walk the dog, visit the ATM and buy a couple of pops went on forever.  It didn't require all of the explanation and seemed to exist only to drag out the story.

Once Upon a Time, Season 4, Episode 19: Sympathy for the De Ville

A young Cruella runs, chased by furious Dalmatians controlled by her mother who won’t let her run away and is willing to use savage dogs to control her. Cruella’s father has died so her mother is now free to run the house her own evil way. Including locking Cruella in an attic room. Apparently hardly ever letting her out or even letting her have a radio even as she grows to adulthood.

In the present Maleficent confronts Cruella – because Cruella told her that her daughter, Lillith (or Lilly) didn’t survive going through the portal which she’s now learned isn’t true. Cruella’s excuse is that she’s a really terrible person and she left her in the woods to die

That is almost gloriously honest in its evil. She and Ursula used the egg shell to stay young with its magic, they abandoned the child. Maleficent is not amused and turns into a dragon to spread some serious wrath – except Cruella has the power to control all animals. She uses her green breath on Maleficent and makes her sleep so she can pursue the author for her own ends.

Over to the Charmings and Emma is still ragingly pissed at her parents (which I would say is appropriate given how unforgiveable their actions were) and they don’t make it any better by constantly justifying why they kidnapped and banished a baby. Mary Margaret even says “if was worth it.”

Burn her. Burn her now. Burn them both. Crackle crackle crackle get the potatoes.

Regina steps in at this point to tell them all about Zelena and Robin and how she wants to ride to the rescue. She’s also confident she can handle Gold which seems like a bold claim. But she’s Regina and therefore awesome. And ruthless – she goes to Belle.

Gold has Isaac, the Author and he has the magic quill – though it also needs magic ink to work. This apparently requires blackening the Saviour’s heart (which will be hard to do since KIDNAPPING CHILDREN AND THROWING THEM IN A PORTAL DOESN’T DO IT!). His drama is interrupted because he hears Belle call him – naturally he wooshes to her side.

She asks for honesty and why he’s there and he takes out his heart – entirely blackened and hard except for one tiny red vein which is almost gone after centuries of black deeds (like kidnapping children and throwing them in portals). When it goes he will lose any ability to love and only the Author can fix it. She cries about how she may have thrown out the chipped teacup – and him – too soon. They kiss…

…and she tells him Will is a better kisser than him (a) yes I’d choose Will and b) poor Will). Belle may seem to be uncharacteristically vicious here, but that’s because Regina has her heart and is delivering the lines. She also threatens to crush Belle’s heart if Gold interferes while she goes to sort out Zelena in New York. Gold believes her and folds.

While they’re distracted, Cruella goes to the Author to ask for what he took from her – she tries threats but he says she can’t hurt him (apparently true) and asking nicely which also fails. Since Gold doesn’t know Cruella and Isaac know each other that gives him something to threaten her with.

Flashback time – Isaac went to Cruella’s mother’s home as a reporter to do a story on the greatest dog trainer in London. He gets kicked out when being too casual about Cruella’s mother’s 3 husbands – touchy subjects. But it does give Cruella chance to speak to him out of her window. He rescues her and they drive off in the awesome car she currently drives (or one very like it). Out in the nifty 20s club Cruella accuses her mother of poisoning her dad – and her other 2 husbands. She also manages to coax Isaac into partying rather than just writing

In the present Cruella lures Henry in with Pongo.

Regina plans to head to New York and Emma steps in – she doesn’t want Regina going off alone to a place where she has no magic. She at least insists Regina takes her gun. And they both get simultaneous ransom messages from Henry: kill the Author.

Game of Thrones, Season 5, Episode 2: The House of Black and White

Braavos

Arya arrives in the city, having fled the Westeros, the Hound and Brienne last season. She is heading to the House of Black and White to find Jaqen H’ghar, the face changing killer.

She knocks and the door is opened by a silent man – she tries to recite “Valar Morghulis” to him since that seems to be a catch all phrase to get anything done in Braavos (well it beats “swordfish”). She tries showing off Jaqen’s coin but this just gets the door closed in her face

Hey maybe she should have tried “swordfish.” She sits on the steps until night falls and she does her nightly recital of her death list. She chants it all night (really, I’m sure the list is longer than this). In the morning she leaves, throwing Jaqen’s coin in to the water

Arya takes to killing pigeons when some street kids try to steal her sword. She’s suitably menacing in the face of them – and it’s witnessed by the silent man from the Hours of Black and White. He returns the coin to her which she had thrown in the water – and changes his face to become Jaqen H’ghar (what, you thought we nearly had another POC character?). He reminds her he is “no-one” which is what she must become.

The Kingsroad

Podrik is still being massively optimistic and cheerful while Brienne is trying to glower the world into submission. They’re eating in the same inn as Sansa and Petyr and Sansa keeps asking questions about Petyr’s plotting (and adding “cunningly observant” to her growing list of skills), learning that Petyr has proposed marriage to someone – and been accepted. Podrik is also pretty observant – and tells Brienne that he has seen Sansa. Podrik tries to get Brienne to be subtle and restrained or at least ptient.

She goes and makes her dramatic pledge to Sansa that she swore to protect her. Petyr is there to fling mud, pointing out that other people Brienne has sworn to protect didn’t exactly live long lives (Brienne telling them Renly was killed by a shadow with Stannis’s face doesn’t help her much). Sansa isn’t impressed (suspicion, because she saw Brienne bow to Joffrey or Littlefinger’s disapproval) and tells Brienne to leave. To be fair, Brienne does have a terrible track record. Brienne does so – but not before punching out a knight and freeing several horses, slicing a Vale Knight then riding off with Poderik. She slaughters a couple of more knights saving poor Poderik.

Brienne still decides to follow Sansa despite, as Poderik points out, both Stark girls refusing her pretty much means an end to her vow.

Kings Landing

Cersei shows Jaime a package she’s received – Mycella, her daughter’s necklace wrapped around the fangs of a statue of a snake (is this the time to point out Oberyn’s daughters are called the sand snakes?). She, probably rightly, views this as a threat since Mycella is in Dorne (Tyrion having betrothed her to Trystane Martell, the Prince of Dorne, Doran Martell’s son), the Dornish hated the Lannisters before and it’s unlikely Oberyn’s death has made them more popular. This turns into more of an argument because Jaime is worried about her referring to Mycella as “our” daughter, admitting their incest. But Cersei is; in a full rant both against Jaime for not being a father to their children and his insistence on secrecy and how even with all his caution their kids have not exactly done well (referring to Tommen’s betrothed, Margaery, as a “smirking whore.”).

Jaime, stung by her rant, decides to go to Dorne and rescue their daughter. She scorns him and what he can possibly do as a one handed man. Jaime will need help

Which brings us to Bronn and his rather child-like new betrothed Lollys. Or former betrothed – because Jaime arrives to remind Bronn what a bad idea it is to trust the Lannisters – he’s had the marriage Cersei promised cancelled but, in exchange for coming with Jaime to Dorne, he will get a “better girl and a better castle”

Cersei’s reward for her brother’s head has led to men pretty much killing any Little Person they can find – something that doesn’t overly bother Cersei or her creepy Maester friend, Qyburn.

At the council Cersei is serving as the king’s “advisor” because, as a woman, she could never be the King’s Hand. She hands out titles and positions to forestall objections and appoints Qyburn the new Whisperer since he’s suitably creepy enough. Not all the Lannister uncles are willing to accept Cersei as the voice of the king

Orphan Black Season Three, Episode One: The Weight of This Combination

Helena dreams that she is having the most bizarre baby shower you can imagine.  In attendance is Cosima, Sarah, Alison and Kira.  Cosima is pretty much healed and Alison is in the throes of a Martha Stewart fixation, presenting a ridiculous amount of cupcakes.  It's Felix who mans the grill.  The dream shifts to a scorpion crawling out of Helena's dress and slowly climbing her body.  It's the switch that causes Helena to wake up and find herself in some sort of shipping crate with air holes. When Helena manages to get a glimpse outside of the air holes, she sees some sort of cell.  Helena begins twisting and turning banging on the crate and when she moves to her side, she sees the scorpion.  The scorpion tells Helena to relax because she is being tested again and this time, she is carrying a child.  Helena tells the scorpion that she was taken from her sisters. 

At the Dyad building, surgery is being performed to remove the pencil from Rachel's eye.

Sarah, Kira and Felix are sitting outside together near some sort of river.  Felix sends Kira off to see if she can find some fish. Sarah tells Felix to enjoy this moment, pointing out that Marion is covering from them.  Felix however believes that this is far from over. A car pulls up carrying Delphine.

Later, Delphine shows them a video of one of the Project Castor clones.  Sarah is quick to say that the male clones are not her problem. Delphine however disagrees, pointing out that Rachel has powerful friends and Sarah put a pencil in her eye.   Delphine goes on to say that there are threats to Leda (female clones) from outside and within, adding that Marion sent her to keep her sister safe.   On the tape, a Castor clone is seen making out with yet another Leda clone - Crystal.  The two head to an apartment, as another Castor clone makes his way towards them.  Fortunately, the Leda clone lived and they managed to capture one of the Castor clones. At this point, the Castor clone has not revealed his name and says that he will only talk to Sarah.

Sarah goes to the Castor cell snarking and asking if he has a serial number.  The Castor clone calls Sarah one of the good ones, adding that Crystal had no idea what she was made of.  The Castor clones asks Sarah to move closer so that he can whisper it to her.  The Castor Clone snarks that Sarah is with Dyad now and goes on to bring up Felix, Mrs. S., and Kira.  This causes Sarah to get out of her chair and threaten the Castor's life.  Delphine orders Sarah pulled out and the Castor clone tells Sarah to count on her sisters.

Unsurprisingly, Alison is at a kids soccer game when she gets the call about the Castor clones.  Alison declares that any boy clone who crosses the Hendriks will get their butt kicked. I believe her to, given what she did to Donny.  Sarah asks about Felix and Felix says that he is doing fine hanging out with Cosima. Felix reports that Cosima's temperature is nearly down to normal and that Helena has not shown up and her bag is missing. Sarah asks Felix to meet her at S's.  Sarah starts to leave but Delphine argues that they have other priorities.  Sarah orders Delphine to go and see Cosima but Delphine reminds Sarah that she warned her about a threat from within.  Topside is sending someone to assess the security risk posed by Sarah and her sisters and that the man who is coming is a cleaner.  Delphine adds that the man cannot find out what they did to Rachel.  It seems that Delphine wants Sarah to play Rachel.   Sarah however tells Delphine to handle it and leaves.

Alison is shepherding the kids onto a school bus when she is approached by Marci Coates, who is seeking her support in her run for school trustee. Marci claims that she is inspired by Alison's recovery, calling Alison a community leader.  Marci then suggests that if Alison does some campaigning, she could help provide Alison's monthly potluck.  Alison however makes it clear that since the changes Marci has in mind would mean that her kid's would have to change schools, her plan is to run against Marci.

Donny makes an appearance carrying his personal belongings.  It seems that he told his boss off. Donny reports that he called his boss a bitch but Alison orders him to be quiet because people are watching.  Donny is forced to join Alison on the bus because it seems that he no longer has his company car.

Mrs.S enters her home, walks straight into the kitchen and grabs a knife.  A man who was hiding in the closet jumps out at her and the fight is on.  Of course, it's one of the male clones. Mrs.S does manage to stab the clone in the leg but she loses the fight and finds herself tied to a chair. Mrs.S says that Major Deardon agreed that she would be left out of this but the clone responds that he is not under the major's orders and demands to know where Duncan is now.  Mrs.S then responds that Duncan is dead, and the clone asks about the research before attacking her again.

Delphine checks on Rachel and is informed that it's too early to detect what damage was done to her frontal lobe.  Delphine and Dr. Nealon end talking about the last time Topside took action on Leda  determine that Sarah must not uncover Helsinki.  It seems even Rachel doesn't know what happened.  Delphine asks Dr. Nealon to put Leda about it's individuals and Nealon makes it clear that neither of them can afford to play favourites.

Mrs. S regains consciousness and Sarah and Felix minister to her.  Felix demands to know why there are two boy clones in one day and what they want.  Mrs.S responds that this one wanted Duncan and all of his research.  Mrs. S reveals that she made a war time decision; the only way to get Sarah out of Dyad.  Sarah realises that Mrs. S is the reason Helena was taken. Sarah becomes enraged, screaming that this was not Mrs.S' decision to make. Mrs.S reveals that it was Paul's demand and that she had to choose.  Sarah starts to leave and Mrs.S' calls out for Sarah not to turn her back on her people but Sarah tells Mrs.S that she is not her people and leaves.  Mrs.S asks Felix to go after Sarah to stop her from making it worse but Felix is more concerned with getting Mrs.S to a hospital, adding that there is no doubt that Sarah is going to make it worse. 

All Hallows' Moon (Seasons of the Moon #2) by SM Reine

Rylie, a new werewolf, has to get out of the city. She’s too dangerous to be around people, there are too many things around her that distract her wolf senses. While she may not like the countryside, life on her aunt’s ranch may be the one way she can avoid hurting people

But, with werewolves now very rare, the werewolf hunters are quick to identify what the animal attacks on livestock around Rylie mean. Obsessed werewolf hunter Eleanor heads to town with her two sons, Abel and Seth

Like the first book, I think there’s a lot of realism in the main characters – Rylie and Seth are teenagers in extreme situations. But still teenagers. In many ways they feel very real – which means I don’t always agree with what they do. I don’t always like what they do. I often don’t really like them. But I understand them – I get why they do what they do.

It really sells Rylie as a teenager who is turning into a werewolf, not understanding and desperately hoping that she won’t hurt anyone but not knowing how not to. She flees the city because the idea of changing into a wolf surrounded by so many people terrifies her – as well as her senses being completely overwhelmed. So even though she chose to move to her aunt’s ranch in the middle of nowhere, it was still a choice that was forced on her and she is a city girl at heart. She’s also mourning her recently deceased father and all the traumatic events that happened at camp

Does this make Rylie a happy, sunshine, reasonable person? Nope. But I don’t think anyone could be or would be in those circumstances.

Similarly, Seth is clearly disillusioned with his life as a hunter. He is severely questioning the morality of their path and, even aside from that, simply doesn’t wasn’t to live this way; a life with no affection or love, a life where family means fellow warriors, a life where his mother cares more about the kill than her children and a life which, ultimately, has no future. Rylie is an excellent catalyst to accelerating his own discomfort and challenges with the lifestyle his mother demands. And I like that it is an extra element that spurs him but not the only reason, he’s not turning his back on his family and tradition and duty he believes in because of Rylie – he’d already seen the deep flaws in all of them long before.