Haven, Season 5: Episode 15: Power

We move forward 2 weeks – 2 weeks of non-stop Troubles and people becoming more and more stressed. There’s a darkness Trouble – something which means everyone has to avoid the darkness or die horribly, leaving only a skeleton behind. Gruesome

I like the vain-lady’s reflective skin Trouble.

Audrey is not getting on too well with mother Charlotte who still hasn’t cured the Troubles. She is getting on very well indeed with Nathan. They keep telling us about a gazillion Troubles happening all the time.

Oh and while there’s a Trouble that kills people in the dark, the electricity I acting up. They need to fix the power plant. At night. With Troubles everywhere. Well volunteered Nathan. Nathan whines that they need to stop the Darkness Trouble – uh-huh I’m sure that is on the to-do list Nathan.

Dwight has also instigated his own law – people who he deems guilty of hurting the group are “banished” (actually a better term would be “outlawed” since they aren’t sent anywhere but the Guard stops helping them). Audrey and Nathan realise this is pretty much a death penalty. Vince agrees with his choice, though Dwight has the guilt weasels.

Vince is also shown another body apparently killed by whatever is in Dave’s visions (no mark but weird eyes). Audrey confronts Dwight on not doing basic police work – like dealing with thieves according to the law and finding missing persons. She also learns about the dead man – the missing man who may actually be the one with the Darkness Trouble – Vince has to tell her about the vision/beast/serial killer including that it killed the Colorado Kid (Audrey’s son. Kinda).

Also rather than banishing people they’re using a Trouble to put people into basically sleeping comas. The Troubled guy isn’t doing well but he’s willing to help. At least it’s not a death penalty, but Audrey is still not amused

Anyway, Nathan puts his team together (including Charlotte and Dave). They set off through a Haven which now has warning signs and traps and all kinds of eerie things around. They lose one member of the party and Charlotte reveals they need more aether to fix the Troubles. A whole stash of it – which means they need William’s stash. They have a detector for it.

They get to the power plant and do some tinkering – and break it. You had one job! While Nathan and the extra go looking for Aethur, Charlotte and Dave stay to fix the plant and we learn Dave is a Half-line, half human and half alien/thingy.

Haven, Season 5, Episode 14: A New World Order

So lots of stuff happened before Haven randomly disappeared mid season for a huge amount of time – Mara and Audrey got merged because her mother Charlotte showed up and decided re-writing her daughter’s personality because she’s not handling her grief in a healthy manner was totally a good idea, Vince and Dave are still running around chasing after the Croatoan thing and Duke has been filled to the bring with naughty bad Troubles and he’s now popping

Which is where we open to him spewing aether out of his eyes – a bajillion Troubles flying into the air. They rain down on a beach and a new batch of Trouble people start causing havoc.

Charlotte and Audrey stay with unconscious Duke while Nathan goes back to the police station and Dwight to try and stop things falling apart. Dave and Vince drop in as well so Nathan can tell everyone what just happened – and they can all tell us they have a town full of newly Troubled people all with Troubles that are set off by strong emotions – and they’re all panicking. Bonus, there’s a fog around town which isn’t letting anyone leave (which, for the planet, is probably a good thing).

Dave tells them about his Croatoan visions after so long keeping his secrets, and their theory that something big and bad will come from the void and destroy everything and it’s now here in Haven. For bonuses, the cops they’ve sent out to try and stop chaos breaking out know nothing about the Troubles and are not making things better. Dwight and Nathan head out – because taking the leadership out of a central position is really the best option, right.

They again discuss, in case we’ve missed it, how being trapped and panicking is really not what the Troubled people of Haven need and Nathan tries to get Audrey to go after a guy called Joe who may be behind the mystical fog wall.

Duke has woken up (and has both guilt weasels and runs after his family’s research) leaving Audrey free to Trouble wrangle with Charlotte’s help but she’s nervous because alien/dimensional/whatever people are not immune to these Troubles. Charlotte actually wants to leave town using her ring to travel through the “Thinnys” and go home (to alien world) and abandon the people of Haven. Audrey is not a fan of this plan. More, Charlotte doesn’t actually understand the Troubles – in fact, the cure she’d designed with the “barn” (remember that? Audrey would kill Nathan and solve the Troubles?) would have killed all the Troubled people, therefore ending the Troubled

Audrey is very very disapproving of this and calls Charlotte out on her bullshit and tells her to get out of Haven – her home.

Continuum, Season 4, Episode 6: Final Hour

We’re still in aftermath mode – and Keira asks for time from Carlos so she can go all solo mission before Carlos sends in his own forces.

Kiera and Alec again discuss the huge risk of going back to an unknown future but she’ll take that risk if there’s any chance of seeing her kid again. Kiera gets her assurance from Carlos along with a big semi-goodbye speech about how he doesn’t want to lose her and how he’s loved their time together despite all the chaos. Kiera also decides to show Dylon some future tech and let him in about the whole time travelling thing.

Brad and the future soldiers now have their key so they have their portal with its 90 minute window to bring all the future people back to the past (and epicly screw with any timelines). Through the portal we see a crowd of people but only a few get through before they have to shut it all down. A woman comes through, not happy but clearly in charge and ominously says that, if they don’t get the portal working, the only thing coming through will be “the enemy”.

Brad saw what was coming through the portal and isn’t impressed – that wasn’t a lot of civilian refugees. It was an invasion force (hey, Kiera’s completely random guess was right, go figure). Brad is totally shocked and appalled that he was lied to. Really.

Kellogg is being held hostage by the future soldiers and his bodyguard while he rambles on. He has pretty much guessed what is going to happen to him when future-him arrives while bodyguard Vasquez and future-people boss try to reassure him with comforting lies. Vasquez seems bothered by this. Kellogg decides to make a pitch – take young Kellogg rather than old Kellogg. Also she can totally be young Kellogg’s queen – she’s all sad, but refuses. When she is all sad that she can’t be with him forever he stabs her instead. As she dies she reveals that she’s his daughter. Ooops.

Jason gets the Time Machine to Alec – and a note he wants to pass on to his dad which is a bit weird with Alec right there. Curtis steals the other time machine from the Piron safe and greets the newly escaped Kellogg with it. Alec and Kiera have their own talk about he can now change his life before they meet up with Kellogg. Time for Kellogg to make his ode to Kiera

Really can we stop the gooydbye speeches, they’re getting tiresome.

The Vampire Diaries, Season 7, Episode 1: Day One of Twenty-two Thousand, Give or Take

We’re going to start this new, Elena-less Vampire Diaries, 3 years from now with Stefan reviving a desiccated Damon.

Now back to the present with Caroline writing a diary about Damon taking Alaric to “Europe” on a boozy party to help him grieve (Caroline thinks this is a bad idea… I actually don’t). Bonnie has been sent to chaperone because without Elena around she has to find some white people to play nursemaid to. Of course no-one is looking after Bonnie

Bonnie is keeping diary of their alcoholic adventures, judging them and getting friendly suggestions of dying form Stefan (this actually works as cute banter because Damon and Bonnie are actually pretty good at the frenemies thing. Oh dear good spellcheck does not object to “frenemies” the world is officially past saving, though it’s also uncomfortably true that if Bonnie dies, Elena is back).

Matt’s becoming a Deputy which no-one cares about

Caroline and Stefan are doing the awkward not!romance weird things since Stefan is totally waiting for her to decide she wants him while she’s still in mourning limbo.

To one of the witchpires, Valarie Stefan’s evil mother Lily realeased who pretty much hates everything (including being hit by cars). Even her family of witchpires: Lily, “stoic” Bo, “brat” Nora, “devious-mentor” Mary-Louise and Malcolm “Lily’s pet – the brown noser” don’t seem to be on her “like” list. They are all being bitter and nasty to each other over the short rations of blood they have. We do see Nora and Mary-Louise are a couple. Lily lectures them on how slaughter is a bad thing and got the imprisoned and they need to play nice. Lorenzo is, apparently, still in the picture as is some guy called Oscar. Lily is also de-factor leader despite not being a witchpire

And lo, already the cast is too damn big

Valarie is also not a fan of the whole not slaughtering people thing and while they all may hate each other they at least put on a face of caring for Valarie when she’s super upset. Valarie, Nora and Mary-Louise go out to unleash some slaughter vengeance, using blood and magic. Nora even takes a selfie with her victim and they don’t even try to cover up the deaths.

So Stefan and Matt are on the case. Yes, Matt is on the case. Is that not a message for despair? They pass the info on to Rick and Damon in the hope that drunken Rick can tell them how to make a bomb. This also means telling Damon and Bonnie that, yes, Lily has her evil family back. Damon is also still all sad about Elena and Bonnie has to comfort him before they find out that Rick isn’t actually drunk – he’s drinking tea not bourbon – he’s going to see alleged psychics to speak to his wife and beating up charlatans along the way

Sleepy Hollow, Season 3, Episode 2: Whispers in the Dark

Ichabod is doing housework and seems to have mastered a few of the modern tools for that – until he runs into Abbie’s underwear while doing the washing and is completely derailed. Much to Abbie’s amusement. He’s being domestic because he’s staying with Abbie at the moment – I think there is immense amusement potential with these two as room mates.

Abbie continues to think on her future – balancing the supernatural with her job and how, unlike Ichabod, she doesn’t want that to be a permanent thing.

Pandora is still growing evil trees with fear in her evil box. She also takes it for an evil walk and unleashes it on a passing human, Paul Everett (with a terrible secret) trying to contact the FBI about something

With him dead, of course Abbie is called in (bringing a civilian to the crime scene because why not). The man is assumed to be a heart attack which seems to be the Abbie’s new boss’s theory, Agent Reynolds. He’s also an old colleague of Abbie’s and Ichabod is predictably jealous. Abbie tells him to mind his business

Ichabod does decide on woo-woo after brief glances of darkness so hits the books (in between deciding to try and preserve the archive while also his usual angst over his purpose and place in the modern world). A recording of the call Paul Everett made to the FBI also picks up spook ominous whispering. This leads to more research and more demonic history from the Revolutionary War (honestly is there any British soldier from that time who wasn’t all demonic and monstrous?) which leads to more flashbacks and more of Ichabod and Betsy Ross as Ichabod tries to extract spies which are being exposed due to evil shadowy-demon-ness. And lots of flirty chemistry between Ichabod and Betsy.

Anyway this shadow-monster creature that was rooting out and killing spies by exposing their secrets is probably the evil monster Pandora has unleashed. Time to leap to Everett’s co-workers to see if there’s more murderous secrets out there.

They get to a Mr. William’s address at the same time as the scary shadowy wraith which uses its woo-woo on Abbie and Ichabod until Williams conveniently distracts it by running away and getting himself killed.

Deadly Delicious by K.L. Kincy

Jospehine DeLune is 12 years old and comes from a long family of powerful magical women, each of which baked their might conjure into their creations

Except for Josephine who has no magic and cannot cook… but she has to learn as she has drawn the attention of both a sinister figure, Shaula and, even worse, the dangerous gaze of the Ravenous One.

She now has to learn if she wants to avoid being devoured

I like this book it was fun and had a very fun concept – I love the idea of magic, and conjure, being so mixed with cooking. The whole way they use magic is excellently well written – putting together recipes with magical components and mundane baking. I do love the world building of it, it’s fun, and while it’s not entirely original it is certainly one of the best examples I’ve seen depicted. Just the mix of flour and sugar and Full Moon butter and any of the other mundane and strange ingredients added to make everything from curses to love potions all through food – from pickles to pies to cakes, the food is full of magic

And that even leads to zombies that crave cake – and it works with the story

With such a setting it would be very easy to make a story that was, perhaps, a little silly or too childish especially with a 12 year old protagonist. But it not only worked as a story but there were some nice deeper elements addressed as well – there’s some definite reflections on race (especially since this book is set in 1955) though some of them are confused with prejudice against her magical family, including Authelia a friend who drops Josephine when she wants to be popular and realises she can’t be while being friends with a Black girl. Or Quentin’s parents who are leery of him getting too close

It has to be noted that these prejudices are often conflated or linked to the hostility towards her as a witch. And, if anything, her difficulties seem under-presented considering this book is set in 1950s Missouri

American Horror Story (Hotel): Season 5, Episode 1: Checking In

Well American Horror Story always brought great visuals – and the opening scenes of this incredible hotel certainly upholds that while being very creepy as receptionist Iris “welcomes” two new guests to the hotel.

As I’d expect from American Horror Story it also does some excellent job at being extremely creepy, along with a really chilling Shining homage. It definitely sets the tone! Right up to the screaming man sewn into the mattress.

I say it again, this show is good at atmospherics.

Iris claims ignorance but is not exactly upset as she moves her horrified tourists to a different room, (room 64) until the police arrive (or so she claims). When one of them is killed and eaten by some evil children.

And now the police are called in but for an entirely separate crime (and, it looks like, a different hotel) for a couple who have been murdered while having sex – and still in position. Except the man isn’t dead though he has had his eyes and tongue removed. Uh… the police are leaving him there while they collect evidence and not getting the guy to a hospital? Seriously, all the crime scene detectives are calmly going around checking evidence while the victim whimpers on the bed with a corpse on his groin.

It probably says a lot about me that I’m willing to accept a lot of randomness but this implausibility bothers me.

We have John Lowe and Detective Hahn checking the scene while completely ignoring the victim. John seems to have some Sherlockian skill going on.

John goes back to the police station both look at brutal crime scenes and talk to his adorable daughter over the phone (though his wife doesn’t want to talk which suggests that he has at least some hallmarks of the detective with a troubled family life.

John gets an apparent call from the killer claiming he’s going to repeat the crime – in Room 64 of Hotel Cortez, where the tourists are staying

Or were since a new guy books into the hotel and since he gives Iris attitude she puts him in Room 64 – and is claimed by… dear gods is that Sarah Poulson playing 80s reject? The credits name her as “hypodermic Sally” which bodes no good, but the guy checks into his room to take drugs and hallucinate a maid proud of her body cleanup skills and a figure wrapped in plastic who turns him over and pulls his trousers down – the figure has a drill on their groin. American Horror Story and rape… again.

Supernatural, Season 11, Episode 1: Out of the Darkness, Into the Fire

Can we just pause and grasp this a second? Season 11. That’s a whole long time for a show to keep going – and, as always, leaves me leery about running out of ideas. So before this season even starts I am muttering an urgent wish that we not get a season of brother drama “I will give everything to save you/no I won’t/yes I will.”

Yeah not much chance of that. Also I want Charlie back from the dead (don’t say impossible, straight white men regularly come back from the dead. The Winchesters have Frequent Resurrection Miles).

Anyway to the plot – big scary darkness has been unleashed and Dean is in the middle of it... with a woman

While Sam is alone in the wrecked Impala (waait, WRECKED IMPALA!?) remembering running from the darkness, it catching them and Dean disappearing. Sam finds Dean and apparently nothing’s wrong (yeaaaah right.) Dean claims the woman saved him – and calls her The Darkness and she’s super grateful to be free but Dean has still decided she’s evil and they need to put her back.

They drive off (no the Impala wasn’t that wrecked) and find a whole load of bodies in the road. They find a living man with black lines on his neck – he keeps advancing on them not listening to them until a police woman shoots him and demands to see Sam and Dean’s skin (me too) to prove they haven’t got the evil dark lines (yeah for that reason as well. I guess). Her demands to see skin would make more sense if Sam’s open necked shirt wasn’t already clear. She’s also been injured and describes how the black-veined people went on a rampage.

They take her to the hospital while Sam is, pretty reasonably, blaming all this on the Darkness while Dean is much more cynical (or, perhaps, less willing to make assumptions). The hospital is full of bodies so of course the team splits up with Sam exploring while Dean patches up Jenna and gives her a pep talk about killing people she’s known her whole life because thinks suck.

The gang comes together after Sam finds a survivor, Mike, and his new born baby who describes the raging possessed road crew running amok – but as they watch him they see black lines creeping up his neck. It looks contagious, Mike is turning after being attacked 3-4 hours ago.