Saturday, June 2, 2012

The Almight Johnsons Season One, Episode Three: God's Gift to Zebras

This episode begins with Axl finally deciding to do some research on Norse mythology and he visits a library.  There he notices that the women are taking a lot more interest in him than normal.  He reports this sudden change to Anders who only wants to know if any of them are Frigg. Anders encourages him to sleep with as many women as possible, but Axl is concerned by how Carla reacted.  Anders is quick to suggest that Carla spazed out because she was "drunk and stoned, or because she is a professional athlete and therefore on steroids." He then admits that he slept with her after his brothers left.  Clearly Anders is a rapist. 

Stacy returns to the Goddess headquarters and reports that Axl is now doing research. Ingird says, "it's good that he is taking an interest in his heritage, even if it's all wrong and written by people who know nothing."  Michelle feels that he can "learn what pricks Gods are", but Ingrid counters with the belief that there is no reason for Goddesses and Gods to coexist. For her part, Stacy is sick of watching the girls mooning over him.

Anders goes to see Ty to complain about Axl's resistance to bed hopping, but Ty says that since it was his first time that he has nothing to compare it to.  Anders leaves in frustration and Ty gets a call to go to a club to fix their refrigeration.  There he sees Helen and is instantly mesmerized.

In the meantime Axl has gone off to see Olaf about the sudden interest he is getting from women.  Olaf tells him that this is all natural and makes an analogy to zebras.  He says on some level these women recognise that there is something different about him. Ty shows up at the house to see Olaf and Val is quick to complain. Ty bursts in the room and says that he felt something he has never felt before when he met Helen. It seems that for the first time in a long time he actually felt warm. This is amazing because he has not felt warm in ages, even food turns cold in his mouth. When he asks why, Olaff says that he needs to think about it. 

Axl goes back to the library to return the books and he starts to chat with the librarian named Sonya about mythology. He tells her that he is Odin and she admits to being Frigg.  His mouth drops open in shock.

Axl immediately goes back to see his brothers to tell them that he has met Frigg.  They tell him that involving mortals in God business is not right.  Axl wants to believe but he doubts it because of how they met.  Of course Anders wants to know if he felt a desire to sleep with her.  The brothers head to the library to stare at her to try and determine if she is Frigg.  Can I just pause to say that this is some first grade stalking behaviour. 

Stacey goes back to the goddess's  office and reports on Johnsons interest in Sonya.  Ingrid immediately sends Michelle to check out the genealogy.  It seems the brothers belief that she may be Frigg is the information that is valuable. The brothers take off to Anders office and once again he tries to push Axl into having more sex.  Olaf then begins to reminisce about his two affairs with goddesses.  He describes Axl's grandmother as "a cold hearted bitch," but then goes on to say how wonderful the sex was.  I don't know about you but I could have done without hearing a man use the word bitch to attack a woman. He doubles down by referring to marrying a goddess as taming her. "Goddess are tricky, there's always a catch when you bag a goddess." Honestly I could have done without this entire conversation.  This much sexism was not necessary to tell Axl that Frigg is the goddess of marriage.

Axl is shocked and is not happy about the idea of marriage. Anders tries to calm him by telling him that marriage between gods means hooking up.  When Axl doubts this, Anders points out that Axl is the God of Gods and that therefore his marriage can mean whatever he wants it to mean. Apparently because Axl is Odin he should be free to sleep around as he pleases.

Helen calls Ty back to the club with a fake refrigeration emergency this time. He quickly sees through her rouse and so she offers him an apple martini. Ty asks Helen why he finds her so irresistible before they share a sweet kiss. 

Back at his shop Axl is carving a statue when his brother show up to talk.  He tells the that things went further with Helen.  They had started kissing and undressing when the cleaning staff came in and broke it up.  Ty says that he was actually warm, which is like nothing he ever experiences.  He is worried that there is a connection with everything that is happening with Odin.  Olaf simply says that there are clearly opposing forces at work.  Ty declares his love for Helen, but Mike says that he falls in love alot and until he finds out otherwise that he should treat it as good.

Stacy reports that Axl went back to the library and that he is a wimp because it took him five minutes to talk to her.  She says that with anglicizing the names it is possible that Sonya is Frigg.  Unfortunately for Stacey, she lost them when they left the library. At  dinner Sonya says the best thing about being Frigg is having a day of the week named after her.  She tells him that everyone thinks that she is a slut because she sleeps with her brothers.  Axl tells her that he has different brothers in the real world. Sonya tells Axl that in her world, Olaf is actually their son. Axl asks nervously if they get together if they would have to get married, but Sonya says that would actually complicate things.

Axl goes to talk to Anders, Mike and Olaf to announce that he thinks that Sonya is Frigg because she knows heaps about god stuff. Olaf advises him to do what is right.Mike advises that Axl not rush into anything.

Ty and Helen go out for dinner. She tells him that they have time for desert or the can back to his place and pick up where they were interrupted.  They have sex and Helen complains that it is cold and then suddenly, snow begins to fall from the sky.  Apparently, the snow means that they are both Gods. Sonya says that she is Idun, keeper of the apples, granter of youthfulness, and Ty admits that he is Höðr, God of everything dark and cold. He apologises and when Helen asks why, he says there are much better gods than me, to which Helen responds, "I wouldn't know, you're the first god I've ever made love to".  He admits that this is a first for him as well.

Axl shows up at the library again and says that he liked the coffee yesterday.  He asks if she wants to go out again and Sonya invites him to a party, where there will be a lot of Gods there.  Sonya says that he has to come in his robes and that he cannot come in human guise because Thor has strict orders to keep out all mortals.  Axl says that he does not have any grab only a sword.

Stacey reports back to Agnetha who says that she finds a party of Gods and Goddesses difficult to believe.  She believes that it would quickly lead to violence. When Ingrid says that she likes that idea, and that things have worked out for them, Agnetha responds that they have united together in purpose otherwise she would cross the road to avoid her.  So much for female solidarity.  

Olaf finds Ty and tells him that he had a dream of snow and apples.  Ty tells him that Helen is a goddess and of course, Olaf says that it was a rush  Ty tells her that they talked about everything and that it was a rush.  He says that she was the first person he has ever been able to talk to properly.  Olaf tells him that Helen is a vessel and that she inspires love but there is only one God who will possess her heart -  Bragi (Anders)  Apparently, if Helen meets Anders, she will fall in love with him and she will continue to love him until it ends badly for her.  

Back at Anders office, Axl tells his brothers that he is going to a God party.  Mike says that he needs to go the party but Axl says no because if he is Odin he needs to look out for himself.  Mike says that the first time of trouble that he needs to text him.  Anders asks to meet Helen, but Ty says that he will never meet her.  Back at his workshop, Ty tells Olaf that there is no earthly reason that  Helen and Anders should meet, and Olaf simply says, "no earthly reason."

Axl shows up at the party with no garb and says that he is new at this. At the party he meets another woman who claims to be Frigg. On the wall he sees a sign to advertise an online role playing game. Axl goes to find Sonya and she greets him angrily calling him a sick freak, claiming that he uses the internet to meet girls and drugs them.  He is confronted by Michele (Sjöfn) - the same Goddess who shot him with an arrow in the first episode.  They have a sword fight in the house and it quickly moves outside. Michele takes a moment to give Sonya a quick kiss and say that it was great getting to know her. Michele says tells Axl that they are the reason they were driven away by Christians and that Goddesses rule in New Zealand and they are not about to let Gods mess it up. Alright I would be remiss if I didn't ask, who shows up for a potential battle in a dress that is practically painted on?  Come on.  If that were not enough, I have to point out that the constant crotch shots were not necessary. 

Axl goes back to his brothers to tell them what happened and ask if the goddesses were trying to kill him. Olaf says that Goddess in his experience are temperamental. Yet more sexism.   It seems that The Almighty Johnsons have decided to break from the tradition of having Loki responsible for all the trouble and turn this show into a gender war.  Yes, it's Gods versus Goddesses.  I'm kind of disappointed in this because a gender war is just so common it does not mesh with the inventive nature of the show itself.

In the end, Ty breaks it off with Helen because they are not meant to be.  She takes it well but when she suggests friendship, Ty tells her that won't be possible.  Heaven forbid we have two adults acting like adults I suppose.  Olaff of course approves of this decision because Goddesses are now the sworn enemy.  Uh reads like bros over hos if you ask me. When he leaves, Ty continues to drown his sorrows in booze and is joined by Dawn, Ander's secretary.  She has had a rough day and so they commiserate with each other.