Alex and Jess are making out, stripping, getting all hot and heavy – until they get to stripped right down and his lack of penis derails the proceedings. Alex calls his contact, offering to double the money, so long as he finds his cock.
In the community centre, Rudy is discussing Nadine, the girl he met at the wake, and how he can’t get her out of his mind. Of course, he’s saying this in the worst way possible, looking at pregnant women and talking about their vagina’s expiring – because he’s Rudy and file.
Through to the changing room with Finn and they discover Abby, unconscious on the floor (yes Rudy said horrible things about sexually assaulting her. Of course he did). She wakes up, recovers quickly (like she did at the party) and the probation worker, Greg, storms in and accuses Finn of having sex with her (for some reason) in the creepiest and most aggressive way possible (of course, he’s Greg, he exists to be creepy and aggressive). For some bemusing idea, Finn says she’s on community service. She agrees and Greg says Finn is responsible for her (cue more creepy and more angry). Greg leaves and she turns to leave but Finn protests and begs her to stay so he doesn’t have to face Greg’s wrath.
Rudy continues being Rudy and thinking about Nadine – and prawn cocktail crisps. And Jess, depressed, looks up “post-op transsexual genitalia” on her phone. Oh dear. And her phone is taken by Rudy. Oh dear gods no. Rudy thinks she’s looking for “chicks with dicks” she denies she’s looking it up to be turned on, he assumes she’s looking to “get a dick put on” and she ramps up the sarcasm.
Everyone prepares for the pub and Abby goes to the bathroom and finds a pregnant woman, Tara from the antenatal class having a panic attack in one of the stalls. She’s hardly comforting and the Tara panics still further, panting “I can’t do this” and her pregnancy disappears – and moves to Abby. Tara runs out the room.
To the pub where Jess and Alex reaffirm their commitment to actually having a relationship and Abby see Finn and Rudy (aww, why’d you do that? He’s only going to say something and no good ever comes of that) with her new heavily pregnant belly. She orders a vodka tonic and Finn points to her belly and she changes her order to a lemonade.
Let’s make this situation worse! Yes, it can get worse. Rudy decides to give Jess some lectures on cock and ball maintenance and then decides it’s disgusting and shameful that she’s not telling Alex about her sex change and insists on telling him. So Jess tells him the truth, that Alex has a vagina because someone stole his cock. She threatens him to keep his silence.
At the community centre the head of the antenatal class won’t give Abby Tara’s number or address. Finn uses his telekinesis to knock over the woman’s tea, sending her to the bathroom giving Abby access to the woman’s laptop. She steals it and they both try and leave though they run into Greg who questions Abby’s sudden pregnancy. He asks Finn if the baby’s his – yes in an extremely creepy and aggressive manner.
They go to see Tara (with Rudy continuing to obsess over Nadine) but when they get to her flat, Abby has done a runner. They go back to talk to her and she says it’s hers now, she’s keeping it. Jess asks her why she wants to keep another woman’s baby and Abby shouts that she doesn’t know who she is – when the storm came she lost her memory and since then no-one has come looking for her which she takes as a sign that she doesn’t have anyone. With a baby she feels like she’s part of something – someone to love and to love her.
As they head back, Jess stops to join Alex and Finn starts moping. So, of course, Rudy spills Alex’s secret. Fail follows. Lots of fail follows. Including Rudy tucking his penis between his legs to imitate Alex. Which is when Alex comes in – and then storms out, past Jess saying he can’t believe she told them. Jess follows this up with violence against Rudy. I disapprove – the camera angle was terrible.
Greg has a creepy rage moment with Abby because she’s not in the system and Alex refuses to answer Jess’s phone calls. But Alex’s contact gets back to him with information about James – a “girl” on the estate who suddenly got a cock without surgery, lots of misgendering follows. Alex takes out a gun, his contact tries to stop him and he gets smacked over the head for it.
Jess goes to see Alex and meets the bleeding and stunned contact who tells her she has to go find Alex, he’s got a gun and he’ll do anything.
At the community centre Nadine arrives to see Rudy (run woman! RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!) where she believes Rudy works as a caretaker. He has to quickly run to the locker room because Rudy #2 demands to be let out. He can’t believe Rudy #1 is messing it up in his awkward conversation when they’ve finally met someone he likes. Rudy #2 tells him that, for once, he needs to talk to her like a person and not a piece of meat (oh how I wish this would stick).
Rudy tells her the truth in some of the first honest and meaningful words he’s said, he tells her he’s on community service and didn’t think she’d be interested in him since he’s a fuck up. She says it’s not for her to judge and kisses him – then abruptly runs off. Abby, Finn and Rudy follow her. On the way Jess rings Finn and asks for his help with Alex but he says he doesn’t care about Alex and brushes her off, hanging up on her.
They follow Nadine to where she hides in the bushes – and comes out dressed as a nun and enters a religious building. Rudy curses “shit, I’m in love with a fucking nun.”
Finn has a guilt moment and rings Jess back. Both of them go to the bar where Alex is looking for James – followed by Rudy and Abby (with Abby and Rudy both worried about having their genitals stolen). Alex spots James and moves in but Jess moves to intercept. Oh and it’s a karaoke bar and Greg gets on stage to sing. Yes Probation Worker Greg singing the Power of Love reducing Rudy to tears. And yes, he’s surprisingly good. Really surprisingly good.
Alex finds James and holds him at gun point. He demands James takes out his penis – which he does. Alex declares that it’s his. James tells Alex he had to do it – and that’s it’s not about sex. Jess moves in and tells Alex not to risk losing everything else and, while distracted, James smashes a bottle and holds it to his penis saying he’ll cut it off if Alex doesn’t drop the bottle. Alex takes the gun away and points it as his own head – he calls himself a freak and that everyone is laughing at him. he says eh can’t live without his cock and doesn’t want to live like this any more.
James gives Alex is cock back, saying he doesn’t want it like this.
Abby and Finn greet Greg as he comes off stage and praise his performance though he’s shocked that they’re there. We get the first non-creepy and non-aggressive comments from the man.
Then Rudy gets up on stage. Unsurprisingly, he’s absolutely awful.
Alex and Jess go back to his place and they finally have sex. Except he spends most of the time checking himself out in the mirror. By the look on Jess’s face, the performance was not worth the wait and his skill matches Rudy’s singing voice.
Returning to work Abby finds Tara waiting for her. Since her baby – Jake – has been gone it’s all she’s thought about and even though she thinks she will be a bad mother, she has to try. She says he’s the only thing she has. Abby says Tara better look after him, if he grows up to be a pimp, a child molester or a probation worker she’ll kick Tara’s arse. Tara nods and takes the baby back.
Abby says goodbye and prepares to leave – but is intercepted by a furious Greg. He demands to know if she knows what they do to people who pretend to be on Community Service? (Uh… aren’t they called “volunteers?”) apparently the answer is – give them community service.
Misfts covered how Alex is mocked for having a vagina, covered the dysmorphia Alex felt without his penis and the pain he feels over it. But they do that through a meme of a predatory trans man, a ton of misgendering, holding a trans man at gun point and a whole shed of skeeviness. And, of course, it's the cismans dysmorphia we're supposed to feel sorry for not a trans person's
Rudy is awful, and enough with the sexually assaulting unconscious women jokes. Change the damn record
And Finn is a text book “nice guy.”
And who knew that actor could sing?!