Sunday, May 15, 2016

Vampire Diaries, Season 7, Episode 22: Gods & Monsters

So Bonnie is going to kill everyone, starting with Matta and then just massacring everyone. Death death death death to all, it’s going to be amazing

Oh, wait, we’re trying to stop her killing everyone? Really?

Can we not?



Ok, fine. The plan is now to break into the Armoury which is full of a big bad mystery something in order to kill the last eternal which is powering Bonnie’s murdering spree

Y’know, letting Bonnie kill everyone would be much simpler. Or at least Matt, c’mon a little Matt death? It’s the second to last season, you can’t give me this?

Apparently not. So after many failed attempts they do break into the armoury using Caroline and Alaric’s little siphon-y kiddies (they’d use Valerie but she’s run off to the plot box and decided not to leave her number because using kids allows for more family angst)

Oh, hey, does this mean that Alex had Mary Louise and Nora locked in the Armoury for 3 years and didn’t use either of them to siphon open the Vault despite being desperate to do so? Why yes yes it does. I would say this is a glaring mangling of the storyline but it fades next to the whole Rayna hunter rules changing AGAIN. See, before killing the last Eternal would not only kill Rayna but also everyone she marked with her sword. So killing the last eternal should kill Bonnie, Stefan, Caroline and Enzo. Now it doesn’t. Because. Reasons.

So having used the little kiddies to open the door, Damon decides to go in while Enzo leads Bonnie on a wild goose chase

Bonnie has long since managed to free herself from the useless Matt. She hasn’t killed him, alas. She does have a lot of excellent portrayals of the fear and grief that she’s going to kill everyone she cares about even though they all totally deserve it. Embrace your inner mass murderer Bonnie, make with the killing!

Bonnie chases down Enzo who didn’t have the good sense to fill up with petrol first (don’t let him plan your road trips) so he decides to cook her dinner instead. Enzo, you need something better than a risotto to stop murder – did you at least stock a good wine? Things go badly very quickly as poor Bonnie desperately tries not to kill the guy she loves who she is way way too good for

Damon and Stefan saunter around the Armoury like they’re not on a deadline and they have an angsty talk. See, Stefan is again blaming Damon because he followed Damon’s advice and acted without considering the consequences in kidnapping Caroline last episode. This is all Damon’s fault because he is the show’s scapegoat. Damon has decided he wants to go down into the Armoury alone because he wants to stand on his own two feet without his brother there to save him – he wants to be responsible for his own actions and not drag Stefan down

Personally I interpret this as him not wanting to be the scapegoat AGAIN for everything that goes wrong. He doesn’t want to be held responsible for the random magical shit, the random evil shit, the random plot line shit or even the decisions everyone kind of expects him to make and wants him to make but everyone condemns so they can feel good about themselves. Damon has touched on it several time, but everyone on this show kind of needs him to be terrible so the terrible shit can get done and they can all act blameless.

That’d be interesting to explore because it also points to why he decided to desiccate for years until Bonnie came back. Stefan says cowardice, because he couldn’t face the constant bad things he’d do which would drive Elena away – but how much of it is it him taking himself away from the others not so he wouldn’t hurt them/get them into trouble but so he wouldn’t feel the need to do more evil/reckless things in their name?

Don’t get me wrong Damon is no saint, but nor is anyone on this show. But he is disproportionately singled out for… I won’t say blame (because he deserves it), but LESS absolution (he still gets waaay more than he deserves – but since Elena has gone and he’s no longer got the protagonist-love-interest-pass he’s been catching a lot more heat than the others). Everyone treats him like the weight around everyone’s necks and I can see him no longer wanting Stefan to “help” when that help will come at the cost of more blame.

Damon goes down into the vault and, tasking waaaay too much time, kills the last Eternal. And everything works out – Bonnie is no longer a hunter, everyone’s scars disappear and she even managed to hold off killing Enzo

Caroline and Alaric finally agree that this relationship isn’t going to work because she’s not that into him (and he was her teacher which is still super creepy) and she and Stefan get back together validating all of Damon’s terrible advice he will now be blamed for

Damon even gets sort of forgiven by Bonnie

Time for evilness/hook for next season. Which is when the big bad grabs Damon and does bad things to him. Enzo follows him and is also grabbed… before the door is sealed. When Bonnie et al manage to get the door open the vault is empty. Damon and Stefan have managed to escape…. Despite their being no back door.

So we had the everything is good ending. Now for the everything is awful:

Enzo and Damon are slaughtering people because of the big bad The other cast update their diaries (remember the title of the show) to tell Elena it’s totally not their fault. Oh please, like she ever gave a shit about the body count Damon left behind. This would be all dark and angsty but then Damon, Stefan, Enzo, Valerie, Mary Louise, Nora, Elena, Caroline, Alaric have ALL had rampages in the past.

Which I why this hook just leaves me kind of meh. I mean, beyond Vampire Diaries always leaving me kind of meh. Two of the characters have turned evil and are rampaging? Like Alaric when he became a vampire? Like everyone when they turn their humanity off? The “good guys” going bad and rampaging a bit before everyone decides they’re actually good again has been used a gazillion times on this show.

Bonnie has lost her magic because of the hunter thing which means she has been depowered AGAIN. I’m really tired of Bonnie’s magic being dragged off her except when it’s useful

Matt isn’t dead. I’m not even going to look at his dead-girlfriend-absolution hallucination because, seriously, does anyone care? He’s also “getting out of the life” which I dearly hope means he will not be back because I am so done with this character