Finally I am caught up with the midseason finale just before this trainwreck returns. And yes I stand by trainwreck – because this entire show rests on terrible decisions and plot holes and everyone having the collective intelligence of squid
I apologise to squid for the insult.
First plot hole – we open to the institute being under attack by Madzie. Yes the little girl Warlock who takes down half a dozen Shadowhunters, leaving only Alec and Victor to defend the institute.
Really, these guys oppress the Downworld? Magnus alone could massacre legions of Shadowhunters if he weren’t so slavishly devoted to them!
This leaves Alec and Victor running around the Institute trying to turn off the power source so Valentine can’t use it to nuke Downworlders (since it needs lightning and angel blood). Along the way Alec rather excellently reminds Victor that he’s still the worst and hates all Downworlders. Victor needlessly shares with us a humanising anecdote about how he loved a werewolf but after enduring a massacre she turned into a wolf, lost control she he had to kill her – and this is how he knows downworlders and shadowhunters should never be together: significant look at Alec
Yeah bullshit: lots of people are super traumatised after massacres or torture; don’t put this on wolfy
Alec is in love with a warlock. Have we seen any indication that a Warlock loses control and zaps people?
I think Downworlders should avoid Shadowhunters because most Shadowhunters seem to be genocidal monsters, but hey.
Valentine sends a message to Clary that he will totally kill Simon if she doesn’t come and activate the Downworld killing sword which will kill him anyway
Really. Again, I apologise to the squid, our tentacle tasty friends are way more sensible than these people
Since he’s dealing with Clary, Luke is very careful to point out the obvious to her – that she can’t just hand herself over. Hey it’s Clary, you know suicidal plunging into danger was on her to do list. For a plan B, they do run into Dot, all ill from Valentine’s experiments. They take her to Magnus since he’s the world’s dedicated servant and nursemaid. Dot tells them all that that angel vision Clary and Jace had means if Jace touches the sword then it will be destroyed! Sounds like a Plan B
Of course, Dot has been suspicious and working for Valentine from the beginning but she says she’s totally on their side so that’s totally fine guys. Really. Again, apologies to the squid, you deserved better than my insults
This does give them a Plan B since now Jace can go to the Institute and destroy the sword and stop Valentine. Jace also wants to go help Alec because he’s belatedly remembered he’s supposed to give a shit about Alec’s life.
Along the way Maia ambushes them to point out what an arsehole Luke was to torture her, imprison her and generally put Clary and the Shadowhunters above her and the pack AGAIN. He tases her. He is not convincing me she’s wrong.
Meanwhile Izzy is kind of checked out of all this with Raphael, ignoring calls and him hiding the whole invasion thing from her presumably out of some misguided attempt to protect her. She rejects him trying to bite her and asks for a kiss instead: but he reveals he’s not actually into sex and never was. This could be asexual representation or him just not being into her without blood on the table. Also I think he’s jumping the gun, she asked for a kiss not dry humping on the sofa.
He does leave her behind so he, his vampires, Meliorn and his Seelie can all pursue plan Murder Clary. This is a good plan.
Speaking of Clary, it’s time for a terrible plan. Valentin injures Simon and Clary realises she simply has to go to the Institute, ignore all their plans and put them all at risk. Because she’s Clary, of course she is. She demands Magnus make a portal and because Magnus has no will of his own and only exists to serve others, he agrees to this ridiculous, ludicrous idea. At this stage I’m not even mad at Clary, I’m mad at everyone enabling her.
The portal dumps her in the middle of the Seelie and vampires who promptly decide to murder her. Yes! Go downworlders! Very very sensible!
Alas it’s not to be as Jace and Luke arrive and convince them to back their plan instead. Everyone is clear that they’re very done with Luke and his supporting the Shadowhunters. Really, Luke’s reputation is done right now and everyone is really suspicious. And they should kill Clary. Really but they don’t because they assume that Valentine will just find more angel blood somewhere
Because it’s that common guys.
So in the Institute Clary reaches Simon and lets him eat her blood – only to reveal it’s Jace under a shapeshifting rune there to kill minions and save Simon. Plan’s going well – don’t’ worry Clary is around to screw everything up. She leaves Magnus to handle the warlock child while she runs off to get herself kidnapped. Well done Clary! What would everyone do without you?
That murdering plan is looking better all the time
At this point Izzy also joins the fight just so everyone can be present. She also gives Victor a death glare which is all good.
Simon and Jace manage to save Clary from herself, while Luke , the Seelies et al are fighting waves of Circle Shadowhunters. Seriously someone needs to address that the genocide guy was able to recruit this many people. There’s an issue here.
Jace grabs the sword (though Clary wants to stop him because the vision said he would be killed as well – I think this is a fair sacrificed) and SURPRISE – turns out Dot was passing on wrong info and Jace isn’t demon blooded! He’s angel blooded just like Clary which means the sword is just primed – for Valentine to use.
There’s a flash of light and all the Downworlders inside the Institute are killed. Except Simon. It’s a complete massacre. Alec is pretty pissed and horrified and goes looking for where Clary dumped Magnus. Told you they should have murdered Clary, they should have murdered Jace as well. I’ve been saying this since… well, season 1 episode 1, true. But now I got a reason beyond their presence getting on my every nerve
Valentine leaves the Institute preparing to unleash carnage when Luke, in wolf form leaps on him. He’s not dead because he was outside with Maia who just realised Luke’s plans have screwed the pack AGAIN.
But he gets stabbed because that leaping didn’t come with any actual biting. Luke you fail at Alphaing and you fail at werewolfing. This is what comes of serving Shadowhunters. While Valentine, in proper villain fashion, decides to monologue rather than just kill Luke, Jace arrives.
Oh. Yay. Jace is here.
They fight. And by fight I mean argue about their family issues. Holding the Mortal Sword so we know he’s not lying Valentine reveals Jace isn’t his son, Jocelyn isn’t his mother and Jace isn’t Clary’s sister so they can totally get it on without incest; oh and he was injected with angel blood not demon blood. Valentine likes some good exposition while he fights.
Meanwhile Clary grabs the Mortal Sword which Valentine drops: she’s completely helpless and has no damn plan but divine intervention strikes (what, you expected Clary to have a plan or do something useful or helpful ever? What show have you been watching?!) she paints a rune on the sword – which makes her drop it and it vanish. So rather than be secured somewhere it’s now in the wild. I just assume that her rune has de-genocided it, I guess.
Valentine is defeated and captured - alas they don’t kill him because apparently they want the cup back so they’re going to keep the big bad alive to escape and be a problem for the rest of the season. We know it’s going to happen.
Luke lives, Magnus is alive and he and Alec kiss and say they’re in love which is wonderful but, same complaint I’ve had all season, more show less tell would be nice. Raphael meets Izzy and she’s super pissed at him for hiding her phone.
And Simon, for reasons unknown (drinking Jace’s blood I guess) is not only immune to the genocide sword but also sunlight. He’s super happy about this and he and Clary dance and kiss in the sunlight while Jace looks on pouting because he’s not having the non-incesty loving
Can I just say there are dozens of Downworlder corpses here which no-one is even pretending to care about? I mean Simon is celebrating and Clary and Izzy and Raphael are all pouty but we have seelies and werewolves and vampires all being massacred and no-one’s even pretending to care here. And Luke? Luke’s happy because Clary’s ok. Half your pack is dead Luke, but hey Clary is alive.