Time for another episode of terrible decisions and people who need to be slapped upside the head daily in the vague hope it will knock a tiny amount of sense into any of them. Everyone in this cast makes me despair.
So firstly we have Jace all sad panda because he was used by Valentine to massacre loads of Downworlders. Let’s be clear here – absolutely no-one, not one damn character, cares about the dead. But they do care that Jace is the mopeyist.
He’s also not telling Clary that he’s not her brother because she’s so happy with Simon and he assumes his awesome mopey sexiness will cause her to dump Simon in a hot second to climb him like a tree. Because that’s his ego and he’s completely forgotten about Simon’s ripped 8 pack.
Meanwhile Simon is totally loving his whole daylight walking happily standing around in sunlight with Clary (who doesn’t know how this works but assures Simon he doesn’t have to worry about anything because, of course she does. Not that she knows anything but meh).
Simon realises that it’s Jace’s blood that has made him daylight proof so assures Jace he won’t tell anyone as every vampire ever will want to eat him. No, no like that. Behave. And yes you were thinking it.
Of course, Simon has the same sense as the rest of the cast so decides the best way to lay low is to go to a werewolf bar at noon and stand by the windows to show off his sunlight powers to Maia (after he and Maia make up over the whole wanting to kill Clary thing. Which was still the right decision). Maia, borrowing the show’s single brain cell, informs Simon he may want to be a bit more careful about this and not flaunt his specialness in front of everyone since he has hit he lottery – the ability to have a normal life – which makes everyone jealous
He pursues that normal life, enrolling in college – and gets a visit from Raphael who has not completely missed his whole daylight wandering. He wants to know how Simon has become a daylighter and Simon responds with lots of suspicious babble.
But let’s catch up with Maia. For some unknown reason she has declared her eternal loyalty to Luke now. Unlike the rest of his pack because they are Done with him. Over three quarters of the pack was massacred because of Luke’s loyalty to the Shadowhunters. Also, we have to point out that Luke doesn’t seem to give a damn here. Seriously, all episode he makes no attempt to comfort his pack, to express any care for his pack, to be sorry for them or even to spend any real time with them. While they’re arguing about losing so many pack members he’s in the next room. When several members of the depleted pack decide to leave because they can no longer trust him, he just hand waves them
Seriously Luke is the utterly worst Alpha and Maia needs to get out – like all marginalised people on this show he exists to serve his Shadowhunter masters – and in doing so they make him utterly inept in his actual role. And they could make it a plot point – explore how Luke was a Shadowhunter and, perhaps, doesn’t have the full regard towards downworlders as he should have and it could be a character development moment –but that would require more time for him. Which, obviously, isn’t going to happen.
Checking on his ineptness elsewhere we see him at work – and he has a new partner. She’s female, she’s chatty, she’s curious, she’s fun, she’s also a lesbian or bisexual – and she is suspiciously taking photos. So she’s evil or going to die or both.
The work is a crime scene where a load have people have been magically killed by the big bad evil monster. Luke is there to cover it up for the Shadowhunters – hah you think he’d actually be involved in actually investigating? Nah.
To the Institute and Victor has been sent back to Idris for being a naughty person and we now hav Inquisitor Herondale back. Like all Clave authorities she is a deeply terrible person. Really it’s a promotion requirement – if you don’t have a severe antisocial personality disorder and a complete inability to manager people you cannot possibly lead Shadowhunters. Jace and Clary are totally upset they’re not super trusted because of all their running off, doing whatever they want and cause massacres among downworlders. Damn, what does a loose cannon have to do to get some respect around here?
They investigate the slaughter and Alex decides the best thing to do here is call up their servile warlock – Magnus! Who tells them that the big bad is the Greater Demon Azazel (it’s ALWAYS Azazel. Poor Be’elzebub and Mephistopheles just get no love any more) and generally Bad News. Raphael’s also there to warn Alec that Izzy isn’t doing well with her withdrawal. And of course he came to Magnus because Magnus serves all.
So to Izzy – she’s withdrawing badly and she wants to keep it secret – but when Alec leaves her alone she sneaks out to desperately seek help. She goes to Raphael who manages to resist – even as her desperation almost has her stab him. After that she turns to the streets and any vampire she can find
Instead she finds Azazel who does his whole menacing bad guy bit (he’s looking for the Mortal Cup) until she’s rescued – by Sebastian, another Shadowhunter from the London Institute who happened to be passing. Azazel decides not to kill him and just disappeare in a cloud of insects
This leaves Sebastian to take Izzy home, be handsome and charming and admit that he left London because he’s also a Yin Fen addict- and he has some kind of medicine that helps take the edge off. He also is super super suspicious and zones out and burns himself on the hob in a moment I think we’re expected to find sinister.
Of course, when Alec et al go looking for Izzy they find her necklace and evidence of Azazel so assume the demon has kidnapped her.
So what does our merry band of heroes do about this disaster? Well they could go to the powers that be but the Inquisitor is in a meeting
Seriously? You can’t interrupt a meeting because there’s a Greater Demon on the loose?! What kind of nonsense is this? If the Institute catches fire do you not interrupt because burning to death isn’t on the agenda?
Instead they go to… Valentine. And make a plan with him. Yes Valentine.
He claims innocence in the whole demon summoning thing and they believe him despite his frequent summoning of and manipulation of demons. But since they think he knows where the Mortal Cup is (he doesn’t) they decide to trade Valentine to the Greater Demon.
So let’s review – they’re not consulting the authorities. They are willing to give up the highest profile prisoner (who hasn’t been de-runed because no-one has a brain on this show) who knows where the most important artefact they have is – and they plan to hand both of them over to a Greater Demon with sinister motives.
This may actually be the worst idea that these people have ever had. And really that is damned impressive considering how ridiculous these characters are.
On to collect Magnus, their favourite Warlock servant, to do a little demon summoning. And it all goes a little wrong firstly because Azazel doesn’t actually have Izzy so he can’t make a deal for her. And secondly because a warlock, even Magnus, isn’t powerful enough to hold Azazel. Clary tries to use her sunlight rune which does nothing. Oops. He escapes and uses woo-woo to make everyone fall to the floor in agony – does something to Magnus and then to Valentine –this is super painful and probably not good for him. At which point Jace’s special angel blood kicks in and he manages to throw off the pain and save Valentine
I just can’t with these people any more.
Magnus runs off quite quickly pretending to Alec everything is fine but he’s clearly lying. Since the demon touched Magnus’s eyes where his demon mark is, I think he’s probably robbed Magnus of his magic.
Izzy calls, belatedly, to tell Alec she’s not dead. Shame she didn’t call earlier
Oh and Valentine has told Clary that Jace isn’t her brother.
And I have to say I approve of the title of this episode - everyone should be saying it. All the time. Always