Thursday, April 19, 2012

Cover Snark: Is there a Chiropractor in the House?

I often wonder what i would do if I lived in an Urban Fantasy world. Would I be a monster? Would I be a monster hunter? Would I be a cool vampire? Would I be hunted by zombies?

But then, I decided, what I actually want to be is a chiropractor. Yes, a chiropractor, because with these women I could make a fortune. See, this is why so many of them assume the crouch - their backs are killing them

Now this is where it begins, these are spine benders in training. On Poisoned Kissed, we have a clear amateur who is merely leaning backwards to better display her breasts. Sure, she’ll get a crick in her back, but it is anatomically possible. Kitty Raises Hell goes a little further - her arse is bent over then she strains her back to actually be stood upright. Look at that spinal curve right there - she nearly pulls it off, but that’s a woman who is going to be in pain if she keeps that up


In Blue Blooded Vamp we have a more advanced version for Kittie’s pose. Her arse is stuck so far back that she should be touching her toes - to avoid it she has craned backwards - I can’t imagine someone’s muscles can even do that - there must be an invisible guy with his knee in her back pulling on her shoulders. The Demoness of Waking Dream shoes that this pose can be pulled off in any clothing - don’t think that loose, billowing dresses excuse you from a proper spine breakage (and look, her arms are stretched backwards - that’s the man helping pull her torso upright)

Of course, then we get to the masters.

YE GODS?! Is her spine made of play-do?  How has this woman not dislocated her hip?  Nothing about this pose is even remotely natural.  I know, I know, she’s bracing herself against the vicious wind, which is managing to brush back her hair just so. She manages to lean forward so that her breasts on display while jutting out her hip and sucking in her stomach.  Can this woman even take in enough oxygen to take a deep breathe?  What is the purpose of the gun?  She cannot possibly be getting ready to take on the bad guys in that pose.

So that’s it, i’m definitely setting up a chiropractors shop - I’d be richer than my wildest dreams.