Saturday, April 19, 2014

Vampire Diaries, Season 5, Episode 18: Resident Evil

The Travellers are up to something big… next stop Mystic Falls

WHHHYYYY? Why is this tiny speck of a Founder-obsessed town in the boonies of Virginia they go-to location for everyone supernatural? You would think immortal beings with infinite power might actually want to see a bit more of the world.

*ahem* anyway, moving swiftly on.

So this episode began with someone looking at the title and saying “diaries? We’re supposed to have diaries? Oh shit, why did no-one remember the diaries!? Elena, write something!” Which she does then has an awkward moment with Stefan apparently before they met – then she wakes up after nearly been run over by a car.

Dream sequences. They lurk on the same list of things I hate on TV along with mixed up chronology and prophecy.

These also happen when Elena’s awake, flashing back to a time when she and Stefan were dating – only I don’t think these things actually happened. Especially since her dad is alive in these dreams. And she’s blacking out during the day as well.

Caroline puts weird waking hallucinations down to unrequited feelings about Stefan – obviously! I mean, when you have a crush on someone don’t you usually have hallucinations, lose time and flashbacks to events that never even happened? Caroline, your urge to force your two friends to have sex is reaching all new creepy and weird levels. Stefan calls Caroline to add that he’s also having creepy Elena visions.

Caroline decides the best way to deal with this is call and tell Damon because… I dunno, cruelty? And to present it as the universe forcing Stefan and Elena together through strange hallucinations. Someone needs to talk to Caroline and her notions of romance.

Enzo’s still hanging around since his quest to find his lost not!girlfriend was derailed when the Travellers decided to burn themselves to death

Over to Bonnie who just had a Traveller guy use her to come back from the dead. Something she doesn’t remember – but her dead grandma is happy to fill in the gaps; apparently the dead witches are scared by whatever the Travellers did and the Other Side is not reacting well.

Onwards to the next clown show – Jeremy has insisted that he, Tyler and Matt are going to be Elena’s super bodyguards to Liv (Matt, presumably, will be used as cannon fodder since he lacks any actual applicable skills except dying and being resurrected by the Evil Resurrection Ring). Liv is, understandably, dubious. Anyway, to be sure that no-one is harbouring Traveller possession, Liv wants them all to stab themselves with the Traveller-killing blade; Jeremy’s fine with this (he’s Traveller proof – ha, ha), so is Tyler (he’s a hybrid, stabbing, is a minor inconvenienced) but Matt (cannon fodder) is duly concerned. Do I have to point how not-very-useful Matt is as a defender. Tyler points out that he has the Evil Resurrection Ring; but no-one seems to recall the whole “turns you into a serial killer” fine print. Besides, you can actually be stabbed dozens of times and not die  – suffering long term health effects, however, is definitely on the table.

Anyway, now everyone is Traveller free, Liv explains their mission – STABBING RAMPAGE! See, Travellers are hard to track but when they do gather they like to take over whole towns by possessing everyone. The natural solution to this is to stab everyone. I’m beginning to see why Liv’s coven has tracked the Travellers for 1,000 years and not achieved a whole lot.

Cut to lots of Travellers doing just that –including Sheriff Liz (Caroline’s mum).

Bonnie drops in to see Jeremy who is answering none of her calls or telling her anything. And she finds Liv there and… Jeremy can’t tell her why. Because Reasons.

And Traveller Sherriff stabs Matt in the neck after hearing him not-subtly talk about a Traveller knife. C’mon, you’ve all wanted to neck stab him before. Dead Matt tells Bonnie, the Anchor (oh look an actual power or skill that might be useful. Shame she’s not in the loop) to tell Jeremy about being killed but she can’t know anything for REASONS. And why does the non-supernatural Matt appear before the Anchor anyway? He’s not headed for the Other Side. But apparently he is for REASONS and he reaches the Other Side with lots of ghosty people – and Kol. That’s dead Original Kol. The Other Side is broken, whereas before everyone but witches spent their afterlife in solitude, now they can all see each other. Matt wants the chance to see Vicki before the evil resurrection ring brings him back to the land of the living.

Major terrible things are happening so it’s time to focus on Elena’s love life as Caroline and Elena join Damon and Enzo. Enzo and Caroline talk about Enzo wanting to thank his long lost Maggie while Elena and Damon have awkward small talk. Vampire Diaries has a talent for throwing the irrelevant in the way of major plot lines. Anyway after much angst, Luke shows up (Damon: “Liv has a twin? Is it possible for there to be only one of someone round here.” After several seasons of dopplegangers, you have to laugh). They were expecting Liv but any witch in a storm.

Anyway, Luke isn’t there to help with Stefan and Elena’s visions (because why would that be on anyone’s priority list?!) no, he’s enlisting help against the Big Bad Travellers – those Travellers Bonnie is absolutely not allowed to know about because BIG SECRET now known to freaking ENZO! Anyway, Markos is here and he’s scary. Luke puts the visions together and suggests maybe the whole world doesn’t actually care THAT MUCH about Elena’s love life (shocking I know) but maybe it’s a Traveller plot to bring them together and then to the Travellers so they can get more of the special special doppleganger blood. So they need more visions to track the Travellers

Angst angst Damon/Elena angst. Hard booze. Stefan/Elena sex dream (this vision would have been much more amusing if Elena had found the ring box and declared “YES!” and Stefan replied “uh… excuse you, I sent my ring to the jewellers to be resized and they sent it back.”) But she does get an address from the dream.

Damon and Enzo go to check out the address, Enzo taking every opportunity to torment Damon, because what are friends for? And they meet Markos – Enzo greets him with sarcasm. Anyway, the whole reason why the dopplegangers are drawn together is a spell Markos cast waaaay back in the past and has nothing to do with fated twu lub.

Anyway time for some exposition. Apparently when the doppleganger spell was created it split the Travellers – which created the witches (so Travellers are proto-witches?) the witches worked to keep the Travellers scattered so they forgot their power (we’ve repeatedly seen Traveller magic use huge groups of communal chanting). They cursed so whenever they group up something terrible happens. Said curse can be fixed with doppleganger blood – but they’re totally on their side and as good faith Markos is going to revoke his twu lub vision spells (using a gang of Travellers possessing people). As an aside – the whole possession thing is something they learned because it allows them to gather without the death curse – using other people’s bodies.

Tyler checks on Sherriff Liz who lectures him about day drinking in public and the law and all (that should have told you she’s possessed. She doesn’t realise that everyone in Mystic Falls drinks hard whiskey at least 6 times a day. It’s a law). Tyler tests the possession thing by mentioning his dead mother – which Liz doesn’t pick up on. STABBING FOR LIZ! And a shadowy presence suddenly appears behind Tyler

Back on the Other Side, Matt does finally find his sister. He finds her and tries to take her with him but Other Side wind says “hell no” and tears her away into a hole in the sky which probably isn’t good. Kol returns to Matt and begs him to go back – Kol actually tearfully begs him. Because he needs someone to fix the Other side or they’re all screwed. Except Matt won’t remember his dead time – if only there were someone who could communicate with the Other Side and remember what happened.

Hey there Bonnie! She and Jeremy hold a vigil over Matt’s body. This gives Bonnie chance to drag Jeremy on the carpet for the situation he’s put her in and the secrets he’s keeping. Matt arrives back to the living and for some reason he remembers everything now

Anyway, the Twu Lub thing ending between Stefan and Elena means the two now have an angst moment because their super perfect visions were all a lie. But Stefan holds out that their real lives and loves were pretty special too. Damon arrives home and Elena wants to tell him all about the super perfect life the visions showed him with Damon… because… I don’t know, cruelty? But she says what she and Damon have is real – Damon throws back “really bad.” And even if she does need him as a friend, he can’t live like that – he wants to be apart. No seeing her, no hearing her, nothing.


Over to Caroline – she’s given her mother her blood to heal her while Tyler assures her, over the phone, that everything is fine. Except Tyler now has his own passenger and is now a spy in the camp – and gives the Traveller Blade to Markos – who destroys it.

Maybe Liv was right not to trust these people

Why is Bonnie out of the loop? Short of ostracising her and creating relationship angst, why why why is this happening? Why is Matt essential recruitment fodder, but Bonnie not? Especially since they’re talking about someone who has escaped from the other side, this makes no sense.

Much as I can’t abide the love triangles, Damon has a point. He’s pretty clearly not in a stable enough place for a relationship (hence the killing spree when he thought Elena dumped him) and if he’s in that bad a place, how can he possibly hang around Elena with a twice weekly heart dicing that seems to be the pattern there?