Monday, January 4, 2016

Hemlock Grove, Season 3, Episode 1: A Place to Fall

A guy and a sex doll in a cab. Well way to set the tone Hemlock Grove!

While… distracted, he runs into Peter running naked across the road – who then turns into a wolf in his usual very gory fashion and he and 4 more wolves surround the luckless trick driver. Said drive falls to his knees and prays gloriously terribly (yes, I laughed, I’m a terrible person) only to look up and see the wolves are gone – and someone has stolen his truck.

Peter and his fellow werewolves celebrate the heist, everyone very impressed by Peter’s willingness to be hit by a truck. He’s not going to do another job, though, since he still wants to find Nadia and Miranda.

They pass on the stolen goods to a fence who also updates Peter on how his mother’s doing (she moved back to eastern-Europe last season) and passes on some family jewellery, his granny’s ring. He passes that to Andreas along with the family blessing to marry Destiny.

Destiny, the seer (because we’re still hitting every Rroma stereotype) has an ominous dream about the giant manta-ray things that Miranda’s doctor turned into at the end of the last season to kidnap Miranda and baby Nadia. I still have no idea what they are

Roman is missing his baby, the ominous eye-ball-destroying Nadia

Destiny is trying to use her psychic powers for Roman and Peter to find Miranda and Nadia – and gets nothing, while the detective Roman’s hired has a whole lot of not-very-polite-scorn. He’s done a whole lot of investigation looking for the baby but, ultimately, hasn’t got any clues or leads. Being a good detective he has found a whole lot of suspicion though, not least of which the fact Nadia has no birth certificate or that Roman is not going to the police about her disappearance. Of course Roman isn’t divulging anything.

In the bar, Roman and Peter reflect on how impossible it is to tell their detective anything given the givens. Peter is also going to stay with Roman for a while to give Destiny and Andreas space while Roman makes intense eye-contact with an ominous woman in the bar who then vanishes. This is a bad bad idea. She’s also waiting for him outside when he gets a blowjob from another woman he finds. She vanishes then as well.

Two vanishings is enough, Roman now starts looking for her and finds her the next day (and a very unhappy woman who he dumped the day before) and begins flirting – only to have her vanish on him again

Andreas makes his rather elaborate betrothal to Destiny in front of her whole ballet dancing class. At least it guarantees a crowd who will say “awwww”

Monster interlude! Something that can see weird auras around people rushes at a guy and makes a nasty squishy sound which I think means the rushed guy has now become splatter or lunch or both

Olivia Has recovered from her illness and is even feeling all positive about the terrible accommodation she’s now staying in (even with the roaches – a far cry from what she’s used to). She also has         Michael (the older brother of the dead Clementine, both of them hunters) chained in her bathtub, a tube in his vein so she can feed on him whenever she wants. She leaves him to bleed to death. It seems her plan to hunt him down at the end of last season actually worked out.

Dr. Johann Pryce is continuing his unethical research, growing ominous embryos in jars – but also seems to be fraying around the edges, not sleeping forgetting things and much more short tempered and edgy than usual.

He almost misses an important company meeting where they’re all discussing how to dodge a lawsuit about one of their products causing liver failure. Roman has his own questions and pressure for the harried Johann. Seeing how frayed he is, Roman clears the room – apparently Johann is trying to figure out exactly what the manta-ray creature is (whether this relates to his giant embryo, I don’t know) and Roman reminds him he needs a top up of yummy blood substitute.

He’s also treating Shelly for mental trauma after the death of Priscilla (the body Johann grew for her). They’re also fighting to try and stop Shelly having to go back to live with Olivia (who killed Priscilla).

In court, Olivia is no longer suspected of any crimes – and Roman’s claim for guardianship over Shelly is kicked out – Shelly has to go back to Olivia. Roman furiously confronts Olivia (accusing her of wanting to steal Shelly’s trust fund) but Olivia throws her new new age philosophy at him and, of course, denies murdering Norman (which was another fun activity last season). Johann tries to keep everything calm for fear of causing Shelly more problems.

There’s a huge crowd of protestors outside the courthouse – all blaming Shelly for the murders – they have signs, scream and one throws a bucket of blood at Shelly. Olivia’s outrage is somewhat belated. She goes home with Olivia for an awkward family life and the ongoing Roman vs Olivia conflict.

Johann’s next day isn’t any better – first he has to deal with Olivia in his office (who he now loathes) and then he hears federal agents with warrants have shown up. The frayed doctor is definitely losing his cool. Hurried cover-up time! Including of freaky giant fetus which is fed into a woodchipper – because this show needs to be even more disturbing. All the fake blood is also drained away. All his works is wiped, disposed of or covered up.

All covered up he goes to see the Agents. Only to learn that it’s financial documents they want, a simple regulatory blip. All his cover up is unnecessary and it looks like it was all engineered by Olivia out of revenge for him not curing her cancer last season. Johann has lost all of his research in Olivia’s “warning shot.” She also wants Johann to find Nadia (in exchange for getting the flying lizard-doctor-thing for research). Johann also wants guarantees of Shelly’s safety.

Olivia has bounced back a lot from last season

She’s also co-opted Roman’s detective, Isaac, who she also used to get those federal agents to go after Johann. Olivia is also lying to Shelly about Norman (Shelly was always close to Norman), telling her he’s off travelling rather than dead and buried.

Johann decides to make himself better by kidnapping a delivery guy and overwriting his mind with another – apparently he’s been keeping a mind in cyberspace, as you do, just waiting for a body to download him into. And the new brain also starts heckling Johann for not finding out what the lizard-doctor-creature is. Poor Johann especially since the brain appears to be a copy of Johann’s own brain – and even he is giving him grief. It also seems, from Johann’s argument… with himself – that he is gay and deeply closeted. Then the new body shuts down – though the delivery guy is still alive with no memory.

And now poor Johann has to tell Roman he has no more blood substitute and he’ll have to feed “the old fashioned way.” Preferably tidily.

Roman decides to go to a pre-confession, all regretful that he’s going to have to kill someone soon. The priest isn’t going to give him pre-emptive forgiveness.

It looks like Peter’s going to eat a homeless person – but he gives him money instead and drives off. He’s watched by Mystery Bar Lady. He goes home to drink some of his remaining stock of blood substitute – and is attacked by something with claws.

He’s saved by Mystery Bar Lady but the clawed thing escapes. Mystery Bar Lady drinks his blood substitute. Clearly another Upir and she calls herself Annie.

Back to Destiny and Andreas, and Destiny has a cruel yet awesome sense of humour. Destiny tries to convince Peter he doesn’t have to leave but he insists to give them space – she still clings to him as family though. So does Andreas, complete with “naked manhug”.

After which they talk business and it looks like Andreas is trying to screw over his fellows. Peter’s not ok with that. He’s also not a fan of the dangerous people Andreas is doing business with – but Andreas holds that whole saving-his-life thing over him like a club.

Well Olivia looks like she is going to be interesting this season. After a season of introspection and moping and worry and weakness she has bounced back kicking hard and back in charge. I think I always preferred her as unashamedly evil and in control. Sometimes you just have to love a gloriously evil, Magnificent Bastard.

So Michael is dead – after turning him into snack food and keeping him imprisoned for food (because Hemlock Grove) we now have Isaac. Am I beginning to smell a T-Dog chain?

After 3 seasons without development and Hemlock Grove being, well, Hemlock Grove I don’t have a lot of hope in Johann’s newly revealed sexuality going to a good place. Honestly, I can’t even see how the evil emotionless Asian scientist who serves others becoming the evil out of control and breaking down gay Asian scientist (who breaks down as his closet begins to creak open) is ever going to go to a good place.

I’m not sure about the angsty Peter – he’s done some pretty terrible things and not shown an over abundance of guilt, sadness or attempts at redemption for them. A belated conscience needs to come with a belated attempt to fix what he broke.