Last episode, Cassie’s grandmother, Jane (also known as She Who Has Common Sense, the only one in the whole of Chants Harbour) died so we begin with a funeral (and presumably a town wide mourning for such a dramatic reduction in their average IQ). Cassie gets to be slow motion and tragic – but she’s an angsty multi-tasker so also gets to talk about Diana’s new status as fellow Blackwell spawn (and Cassie’s half-sister)
It seems Blackwell has blamed the death on witch hunters – which is causing Jake to run around screaming angry frets, Faye to flirt with Jake (classy, Faye, real classy) and Dawn to try and manipulate John to get her power back (also classy). To continue the classy, Faye and Jake use magic to steal Dawn’s (Faye’s mother) happy pills (ah, respectful treatment of depression right there, it seems).
And Adam comforts Cassie (not like that, you dirty people) which leads to Cassie kissing him – because, of course, she’s still in love with him. This causes a string of apologies from Cassie. Cassie also flares at John for having Diana (but he claim it was after Amelia and John split up) and reaffirms her determination to kill the witch hunters.
To up the angst levels a little more, Diana asks her father (Charles) if she could be John’s daughter and it turns out, yes, she could be. But, as he points out – he was there when she was born and he raised her from birth – that makes Charles her father. Charles also demands she stays away from John Blackwell. Cassie and Diana have some more angst – and Diana is less trustful of Blackwell
Faye and Jake are getting hot and heavy when they check the pills they found – and lo, there’s a crystal in there. They now have 5 crystals – they only need 1 more from Adam’s family. But it’s under a cloak and Adam’s grandfather is already dead (so probably good – the evil ones live, the dead die). Also, of course, Dawn’s crystal is already drained from all that pesky elder killing and will need recharging.
Adam goes searching with Melissa, the eternal servant, also giving Adam the chance to share his angst over the Cassie kiss with Melissa (upgraded to agony aunt). Thankfully, Melissa has brought booze. After a series of awful steps (no, really, we have conflating sleight of hand with magic and writing your uncloaking spell on the thing you have rendered invisible – SO YOU CANNOT READ IT. Oh and an uncloaking spell that reveals granddad’s porn collection). They find out that the crystal is at the school.
Recharging the crystal involves everyone but those 2 gathering at the Magic House (infinitely less cool than the Bat Cave and it’s more of a shack then a house) and more angst as Diana reveals John is her father. And the table eats one of the crystals – yes, eats it. In the words of Faye (who does have some of the best lines) “we just got out magicked in our own magic house!” And Jake finds ash and calls witch hunters – so the witches were out magicked by the anti-magic people
Jake decides the best plan is to speak to Isaac – a witch hunter – and negotiate with him for the crystal back since Isaac hates magic and disapproves of Eben (chief witch hunter) using magic and demons and stuff. Yeah I’m not even touching why speaking to the most anti-magic of the witch-hunters is the best plan to get their magic crystal back. They’re not going to tell John because of Diana’s new angst and the general suspicion caused by the revelation that John slept around. So instead meeting the witch hunters without telling anyone is so much more sensible.
So they go and meet Ian. Isaac has already been killed by Eben for turning against him and letting the traitor witch (not Jake, another traitor witch) go. The traitor witch has already fled to Chants Harbour with the crystal and is acting alone apparently. Casssie also uses some dark magic to try and kill Ian – and is stopped for some reason. Diana also starts talking truce (because that worked so well last time). I’m with Cassie here – make with some dark magic killing. Burny burny.
So on to a new crystal hunting spell to an abandoned fairground at night which is very spooky indeed. So they split up (of course). And find many many dead witch hunters – which is so shocking! Seems, the traitor has killed them – time to party? Apparently not. Why are dead witch hunters a bad thing? Isn’t that what they wanted to do.
Diana continues to stab at Cassie for being such a naughty, bad, wrong murderer. Cassie finally has enough and lays down a pretty good smackdown – Cassie has killed to save their lives against murderous witch hunters so less of the self-righteous arseholery, Diana. Of course, Diana responds with “killing is wrong”.
But they see the Traitor witch, chase him, get the crystal and see….. Nick! Yes, Jake’s brother, he lives.
Meanwhile with the parents – John and Charles are locking horns and Dawn finds her crystal is missing. She stalks to John, learns about Diana’s parentage and John gives her a new plan: unite the crystals for the kiddies (their plan so long ago) who are so powerful and then they can kill the elders as well, get their power back and RULE THE WORLD! Ok, maybe not the last part. Pinky likes the plan and decides to talk to Charles to get him on board.
Dawn goes to Charles and tells him that John is using their kids as his own private army (true) and that even if he takes Diana out of town they’re still bound as a circle (true) and that it’s their fault for killing Amelia and bringing Cassie to town in the first place (true).
I am glad Charles made a point that, biology aside, he raised Diana from birth – that makes him her father.
This episode also saw Diana being doubtful of John (very good idea) because of her personal angst (bad reason). Diana and Faye further doubt Charles because… he slept around. Which reminds me so much of Adam being suspicious of Jake (a very very good idea) because he was jealous of him and Cassie (very bad reason). Can someone please be suspicious of the suspicious guy for an actual, good reason? Like, y’know, him being suspicious?
Someone needs to teach the witch hunters how to actually kill people. They were at the magic house long enough to prepare a spell, they could have set a bomb, set it on fire, set up snipers aimed at the door! Something! Why are the witch hunters so obsessed about using magic to kill witches? It’s like me deciding to kill boxers and that I must do it by punching them to death.
It actually looks like we may get an interesting dynamic with Diana and Cassie – with Diana’s rigid moralising and Cassie introducing fighting and killing in self-defence and in a war and how truces with the witch hunters have worked so well in the past. I just have so little faith in this been actually handled well and instead I see a storyline where Diana’s goodness redeems Cassie’s naughty bad evil.