Wednesday, April 30, 2014

The Tomorrow People, Season 1, Episode 21: Kill Switch



Ok, only 2 more episodes left. How many more broken characterisations, plot holes, ridiculous storylines and mind numbingly enraging ideas can they fit in 2 episodes?

Don’t answer that

Quick recap of the explosion that killed Hillary (and that the Founder probably teleported away from), a brief flashback from Stephen of him and Hillary together to remind us he cares about her – and then Stephen staggering in the wreckage. He walks into the office – and the Founder survived. Of course he did. He’s just a little singed at the edges. Stephen teleports out.

While Jedikiah goes to the capital to convince his political backer to shut down Ultra because it’s all gone badly wrong. Unfortunately, having this man shut down Ultra means telling him about Ultra in the first place. “Hey I’ve been misappropriating a ton of funds to experiment on super powers now I need you to stop it before they annihilate the human race” is… actually really easy sell when you think about it. Jedikiah starts ranting and the political guy has security drag him from the building.

At Tomorrow People HQ, Stephen tells all – and Roger wants to run so he and Stephen can’t be used to power the super kill-humans weapon, but Marla has no wish to live on the run – they’re killing the Founder, damn it. John returns and Cara goes to him – John has been stripped of his powers. He has a message from the Founder – Cara has to convince him that they have a real truce or he’ll make all the Tomorrow People like John. And John says “your people” not “our people.”

Cara goes to Ultra (because this is the level of intelligence we get on this show) and the Founder offers his deal – Roger for a truce. And if they don’t accept the truce, he will kill them all which he can easily do now because Russell, Natalie and fellow fools have all had that tracer injected. It also has a kill switch, which the Founder demonstrates to random Red Shirt person who tagged along with them. He will kill one per hour until he gets Roger

Aaaargh, my head actually hurts having to try and process how ridiculous stupid this show is – aaaargh, let them all die, they’re all too damn foolish to live!

At HQ Natalie, the damn fool who lead to them all being fitted with chips in the first place, is angry and tries to convince Russell to help her betray Roger (who she regards as less trustworthy than the Founder. The man who fitted her with a kill switch. AAAAARH! Is she going to accept no responsibility for this bullshit at all?!)

Anyway, the plan is to grab Jodie’s body (dead Red Shirt) and bring him back to HQ so genius Irene can solve it. Possibly using Jedikiah except he’s been checked into a mental hospital. Marla goes and rescues him. John, Cara and Stephen go to take Jodie’s body and they leave John to hold the guard/cop at gunpoint while they leave rather than knocking him aside with telekinesis and teleporting out because REASONS. So then Cara has to rescue him by doing what she should have done in the first place because… AAAAAAAAARGH Tomorrow People doesn’t even TRY to make sense!

Salem, Season One, Episode Two: The Stone Child


Cotton Mather is busy writing and studying.  He says that he has been in Salem a fortnight and has already hung three witches.  Cotton is drunk and is wondering if this is the price of being a servant to heaven.  Cotton prays and talks about the fact that he may have pressed an innocent man to death. Caleb asks God to give him a sign.

Issac makes his way pulling along carts. He enters an area where dead bodies are just lying in a raven surrounded by flies.  Issac pulls a bundle out of his cart and drops it with the bodies saying, "forgive me," before taking off. I assume that bundle is the body of Miles Corey.

Cotton is now in bed with Gloriana and it's clear that he is still upset. Gloriana tells him that grown men don't fear their fathers but Cotton replies that everyone fears their father.  Great so part of Cotton' problems are daddy issues but unfortunately, I cannot be arsed to care. John bursts into the room and throws a naked Cotton against the wall, Gloriana calls for John to leave Cotton alone. John tells Gloriana to get out and asks if Cotton wipes the blood of his hands on the ass of a whore.  Gloriana grabs a robe and heads for the door. Cotton argues that since Miles Corey didn't plead, no one knows if he was innocent. John puts a knife to Cotton's throat and asks for a reason not to kill him. Cotton replies that he cannot give one and adds that he has been expecting the angel of death since he was ten.   Cotton then compares the face of the angel of death to that of John's and declares himself prepared to burn like black tar.  John gets a flashback to the witch ceremony and says that he has seen hell on earth.  John demands that Cotton get dressed because he has something to show him. Damn I thought we were going to see the well deserved end of Cotton.

Later, on the street, John tells Cotton that they are headed to the woods.  When Cotton asks why, John explains that though Cotton has no moral compass, he does know something about witches.  John admits to seeing witches, including animal heads.  Before Cotton and John can make it to the woods, Magistrate Hale stops them and puts John under arrest for his supposed violent actions at the pressing of Corey. The Puritans put a man to death but it's John who is out of order.  I suppose that this is yet an inkling of how superstitious problematic this society is but a we know from the first episode, Hale is on the side of the witches. John tells Cotton to talk to Issac and then asks Hale if he plans to press him like they did to Corey.  Hale tells John to take that up with Cotton, because Cotton is responsible for the pressing of Corey, not him.  When men move into grab John, he fights back but soon finds himself overwhelmed and dragged away, as Cotton watches.

Hale heads to see Mary, who wonders when Hale had planned to inform her of his arrest of John.  Hale calls John a loose cannon, who threatened the selectmen in front of half of the town. Mary declares that if John is a problem, then he is her problem.  Hale points out that John could become a problem for all of them but Mary points out that since her husband controls Salem and she controls her husband, they are to do nothing without her approval.  I do like this show of force and control from Mary given that in the last episode, much of her action was guided by the corrupt guiding hand of Tituba.  It further thwarts gender norms as in this society, women certainly cannot be more powerful than a man. Mary adds that Hale is to concern himself with who broke their circle. Mary orders Hale to go back to the woods and find the seer because his eyes were there.  Hale leaves.

In the woods, Issac leads Cotton back to the location of the circle.  Issac confirms that John saw the witches  as well, along with the witches stabbing a white dove.  Issac says that this felt like the saddest thing in the world to bleed a single dove to death.  Cotton moves away to investigate the site by the light of his lantern and he comes across a whole in the root of a tree. Cotton reaches in and pulls out a pulsing hand, which quickly releases insects. I will gave Salem props for the creepy here.

Mary heads to the jail and orders John's cell opened.  Mary reminds John that Salem still hangs men for threatening the selectmen but assures him that she would never let that happen. John questions where Mary's passion was when Corey was being crushed to death. Mary doesn't answer but says that John is free to go though the selectmen urge John to leave Salem and never come back. John steps into the light and asks if the warning really comes from her. Mary makes it clear that she is trying to save John and that he doesn't belong in Salem.  John tells Mary that she doesn't belong here either but Mary is insistent that she cannot leave. John points out that George is in no shape to stop her.  Mary says that John's confidence is amazing and asks if he imagined that she would welcome him back with tears of joy.  Mary tells John that it's too late and that she doesn't want him there.  John tells Mary that he almost believes her and Mary again warns that if he doesn't leave Salem that he will be hanged.  John makes his way out but not before stopping to give a beggar his half of the silver coin as Mary watches.

Hannah is in labor and Mary storms in saying that baby will not be allowed to born until the name of the father is revealed.  Bridget, who is acting as the midwife, tells Mary that the child must be born but Mary replies that Salem cannot shoulder another bastard.  Mary then notices Anne Hale, who claims that Bridget shows her the wonders of God's own creation - or whatever the hell that means. Bridget  again asks the name of the child's father and Hannah replies that she cannot tell because the man is not allowed to marry, or he will lose his apprenticeship. Mary says that this is the father's problem and not Salem's.  Bridget begs Mary and reminds her that she was a poor woman once.  Bridget asks Mary to use her position among the Puritans to help one of her own for once. Mary leans in and tells Hannah that no man is worth this and that if he is, he would rather her reveal the name than  have her die to protect him. Hannah screams in pain and then reveals the father as Billy.  Mary steps back and Bridget tells Hannah to push. Mary has a flashback to her abortion, as Hannah delivers the baby. Mary leaves the building and sees yet another pregnant woman entering Bridget's home.

Hale makes his way though the woods and comes across Petrus, who informs him that he heard him tramping through the woods the moment Hale left the road.  Petrus instructs Hale to follow him.   They make their way into a makeshift shelter and Hale says that he had trouble finding the place.  Petrus says that Hale's kind find him when they need him.  Hale asks who broke their circle in thew woods last night. Petrus picks up an animal saying that it was in the woods last night. Petrus then says that Hale should inform Mary that he will find out who was in the woods last night but it will take time.

Warehouse 13: Season 5, Episode 3: A Faire to Remember




Ren Faire – with costumes and jugglers – and a very bad juggler who drops things. When an arsehole in the audience heckles him, a jester springs out of nowhere and causes the man to have a heart attack before vanishing again

I know hecklers can be unpleasant, but isn’t that a little harsh?

At the Warehouse B&B Peter is failing dramatically to cook and Artie tells everyone about the new case (in between loving the new updated Warehouse – with all his beloved Steampunk back in place) at a Ren Faire – Myka quickly steps out, just before Jinks – poor Jinks.

Of course Pete loves the very idea and the extremely enthusiastic Pete hurries off with the reluctant Jinks. He drags Jinks around, loving everything until they find costumes. Pete loves the idea and tries to get Jinks on board with another gay stereotype and Jinks (finally, after 2 seasons of this bullshit) tells Pete that he isn’t a cliché.

They go to see the “king” (and owner of the Faire) and everyone is still in character even after Jinks shows his badge. And Pete keeps playing along…. Whyyyy? Finally Jinks loses patience, someone is dead they’re not roleplaying. But the “king” doesn’t recognise the murdering vanishing jester in question because he was wearing a mask and there are 10 gazillion jesters in the Ren Faire.

Lots of questioning and lots of trying to goo random items. Nothing. And lots of frustration. They do learn of Oswald, the guy who made the dead man laugh. They finally find the man at the dunking game which Jinks is beyond ready to do. Oswald is a bit bitter to be the constant target of all the amusement (he’s the “doofer” his role is to be dunked on ducking stools, have pies thrown at him etc). He doesn’t seem to know anything about the guy’s death – but he does have one supporter, a woman with him called Katerina (who, to anyone genre savvy, is much more suspicious. Also because she’s an old Alphas actor and therefore wouldn’t be just a random extra). Questioning is interrupted by a runaway cart that Pete has to save a small girl from being crushed by. He saves her – but when they look at the scene, the cart has disappeared.

After the cart we have a random wizard blowing things up who is immune to teslas but disappears when Jinks jumps at him. Again, Oswald was present; again, Oswald claims no knowledge. But he does remember having his fortune told and telling the Fortune Teller he wanted to be a knight; she said he had to become a hero. He thinks he was cursed, Peter and Jinks think Artefact. When they question the fortune teller she scarpers  – and another random event with deadly human chess pieces has to be handled, letting her get away.

They do catch up with her and find out she’s Katerina’s grandmother – who blames Katerina for using Mother Shipton’s Cards. Katerina’s idea is to put Oswald in peril so he would then be brave and heroic. A plan so mind-bogglingly ridiculous that I think one of the Tomorrow People writers may have sneaked into the room. Anyway, even with the cards neutralised, Oswald still has to do something heroic or die trying – or so says Katerina’s grandmother.

So that means decking him in armour and fighting the next evil apparition on the tournament ground. Oswald reacts by running and screaming so Katerina decides to step forward and put herself at risk. Of course, this galvanises his courage (woman in peril inspires man to be RAWR trope thoroughly checked) and he defeats the apparition. Yay hero, yay dating Katrina, yay don't care.


This Week in Book Covers 21st-25th April

This week we have a collection of stock photography - the vague, the generic, the not-very-clear or very-indicative. We have covers that could be for any number of books for any number of genres. Sometimes that works… sometimes not so much.

And then a vibrant splash of Steampunk colour to break it all up!


The Vampire Lestat (Vampire Chronicles #2) by Anne Rice




Anne Rice has reached a prominence where her covers are, frankly, irrelevant. Anne Rice, The Vampire Lestat, it sells itself. It could be sold in brown paper and it’d have the same effect. I think, in some ways, that’s why we have these minimalist, suggestive covers. On any other book they’re be pretty - but also pretty useless, because they convey very little of what’s inside.

But this is Anne Rice. Anne Rice doesn’t have to advertise. Anne Rice doesn’t have to hint. Anne Rice doesn’t have to suggest the content of her books. And could that be clearer than with the absolutely huge font?


Revolution Z: GB Banks & Blake Hislop





From the cover it's clear this novel is a dytstopia set in Washington DC.  It's dark and foreboding giving us a strong sense that some terrible disaster has to occurred.  This is the story of a zombie army, yet they aren't included on the cover. It seems that the artist borrowed from World War Z, allowing the "z" to inform the viewer. The cover isn't bad but it isn't good. It simply looms like the generic stock image it is.


Tuesday, April 29, 2014

The Witching Hour (Mayfair Witches #1) by Anne Rice



There’s a house in New Orleans, in the Garden district that has slowly fallen into disrepair. It’s the residence of the core of the Mayfair family – the Mayfair witches

For generations the Talamasca has watched the Mayfair witches since their distant ancestor was burned at the stake in Scotland. Her descendants since then have passed on her dangerous legacy – a magical gift and the Lasher. A spirit of ever increasing power and dangerous, unknown motives – a creature that definitely has blood on its hands even as it put gold in the Mayfair pockets

And now, reaching the 13th generation of Mayfair witches, all that knowledge over the centuries may finally be needed to reveal the Lasher’s eventual plan.





Some books are long

Some books are very long

Some books are very very long indeed

Some books are “ye gods WHYYY?!” long

And then there’s Witching Hour which is much much longer than that.

It’s not just the length of the book – and it is a mammoth 1,200 pages – it’s how long the book feels as well. Some books can be really wrong and you still dive through them because they’re awesome – they feel short. And some short books drag on because they feel long with dense, awful writing and lack of any real pacing. Well, this was an incredibly long book THAT FELT EVEN LONGER!

The writing is so dense and so boring and so repetitive that it is an achievement to get through. It has to be said about Anne Rice that she is good at establishing time and place with evocative description – and she certainly does that in this book. But she doesn’t do it once – every place needs this description dozens of times, over and over the same points, the same places, the same times are described again and again in really long winded terms. Any evocative sense of setting is lost in the sheer overwhelming wave of unnecessary verbiage.

There’s a lot of grossly unnecessary detail. I struggled to start this book because we were treated to such a long winded, unnecessary analysis of Michael’s life before we were ever given any reason to connect to this man that I nearly gave up right there. I have no idea why we need the best part of 100 pages to describe Michael’s past or what it added to the book. But the same thing happens several times – Petyr can’t just be an agent of the Talamasca, we need to know his life story first. Some random agent in the 20s couldn’t just be a Talamasca agent, no, we needed to know his childhood, his history, how he joined the Talamasca, who he worked with… so much information for so little purpose. We can’t just get the story of Rita Mae, childhood friend of Deidre – no, we need to include far too many details about Rita Mae as well and I have absolutely no idea why I should care, why this is relevant or why I am having to read this.

To make it worse, the repetitiveness comes in as well. Rita Mae tells her story, then we have it repeated in Aaron’s narrative. A doctor tells his story about Deidre – which doesn’t really add anything unique – and then that gets repeated by Aaron. A priest tells his story, a nun tells her story – and then all these stories get repeated again. And these stories themselves are an exercise in redundancy. To show us how meticulous and creepy the Talastalkers are, we get the same information from several different sources to really drive home just how assiduously the Talastalkers have left no stone unturned in their quest to be the creepiest of creepers. So, yet MORE repetition!

And let’s have a swipe at the Talamasca here – because I’m still somewhat at a loss as to what exactly they’re doing? Trying to stop the Lasher? Well you’ve had 3 centuries of doing absolutely nothing towards that goal. The mere thought of the Lasher makes them cower in their beds. Ok, is it to help the family? Well you had evidence of generations of incest and multiple murders and didn’t feel the need to intervene. So is it just curiosity? Because that seems like a really dubious justification for centuries of riffling through someone’s rubbish and stealing their medical records. It’s not that curiosity isn’t a real motive – it is a very reasonable motive. But if that is the motive then the Talamasca are severely creepy, entitled and unethical people who feel they can intrude on someone’s life to this degree for the sake of their own nosiness. Hence my reference to Talastalkers.

Continuum, Season 3, Episode 6: Wasted Minute



We begin with a different flashback this time – a plague scene. Apparently in a war zone by the noise. Kiera is one of the sick, succumbing to despair and being barely comprehensible (which isn’t helpful) and not being happy with her nice doctor fellow. She points a gun at her own head, but the doctor manages to convince her not to commit suicide when the cure arrives.

To the present where Future Alec and Kiera seem to have found some level of peace together – enough for him to use his lab to continue to try and find who killed other Kiera and for him to angst about all the trouble he caused time travelling. He’s also planning on leaving because he’s terrified of becoming evil 2077 Alec which Kiera thinks is great. Because they’ve both forgotten about Corporate Alec?

The Freelancers haven’t been duly sinister enough yet, so we see Catherine go into her secret room apparently to talk to “him”, who is like listening to “16 channels at once” and he gives out revelations. Revelations that Curtis, at least, doesn’t think are entirely accurate or useful. Move on to Catherine reminding Kiera that she’s supposed to be murdering an Alec here (can I choose which one?), Future Alec in particular, in order to protect the time line and the future. And, hey she has other Freelancers if someone else has to do the killing.

Future Alec is still planning to leave with Emily – which means getting money, papers et al from Kellog, which Emily isn’t a fan of because Kellog cannot, ever be trusted. She’d also quite like to have her file back from Corporate Alec so she doesn’t end up being blackmailed all over again.

Emily deals with her little problem a different way, beating up evil Corporate Alec and his bodyguard and throwing in some threats. Emily kicks arse. Also it was a cover for her to steal something from Corporate Alec.

Liber8 are up to new shenanigans, sneaking a big truck into a guarded facility – and the brand name Sonmanto is visible, the same company that, in the future, will provide the cure to Kiera’s nasty plague. Travis and Sonya throw around some smoke grenades to have everyone evacuate while they steal a full truck load of some chemical.

Carlos and Kiera are called in, particularly since Travis seemed to make a point of exposing his identity, but they run into corporate guy Richardson, who they’ve clashed with before. He is secretive and unco-operative, as usual, insisting nothing was stolen and nothing sensitive was reached. Questioning lying employees happens in Richardson’s presence.

Kiera fills Carlos in on how Sonmato is all about food and medicine in the future, and Richardson continues to lie to them about what’s in the tanks. She needs Alec help so, after holding her phone very carefully so we can all see the Apple sign, she calls Corporate Alec. He only takes her call when she texts him a warning about Liber8 stealing chemical waste and need shim to analyse it. This goop mixed with some commonly available compounds is apparently super-duper dangerous

Resurrection, Season One, Episode Seven: Schemes of the Devil

Jacob is playing at the park with Jenny and when she asks if he has any other kids to play with, Jacob admits that he has no friends.

Bellamy, Maggie and Tom have gathered in Rachel's hotel room because no one has seen her since the incident at the church the day before. Maggie reminds Tom that Rachel has family out of town and when that is rejected, she suggests that Rachel could have disappeared like Caleb.  Bellamy wonders if Jacob could sense Maggie, since Jacob is the one who helped them track down Caleb.

Fred enters the local bar and meets with Henry for breakfast.  Henry brings up stopping by the old factory and wondering if it could be reopened.  Fred is quick to deny this as an option because he believes there is no bringing the factory back to life.  Henry says that he is feeling optimistic, so Fred questions if Fred really believes the returned boy is Jacob.    Henry admits that things have not been easy but when he heard about Caleb disappearing, he was terrified and realized that he could lose Jacob. This is what made Henry realise that Jacob has brought life into his home again.

Lucille is watching Jacob play with Jenny, when she gets a call from Bellamy telling her about Rachel.  Lucille agrees to meet Bellamy at the house and calls for Jacob to tell him it's time to leave.  Jacob doesn't want to leave, so Lucille has to assert herself several times.  Before he leaves, Jacob whispers something to Jenny. When Jacob walks over to Lucille, we see a Black woman walking perpendicular to Jenny.  Does this mean that Jenny is another returned child?

Back at the house, Bellamy asks Jacob if he has ever sensed Rachel the way he sensed Caleb.  When Jacob says no, Tom tells Jacob that he knew Jenny and that they were in math class together. Jacob again says that he doesn't know and Tom asks him to think a little harder.  Jacob starts to wring his hands, as Tom asks him repeatedly to help them.  Jacob stands and says that he is scared and doesn't want to but continues to wring his hands.

Rachel is now tied to a chair and she denies knowing Caleb or where he is. Rachel begs for food and water and Gary point out that they have already given her food and water and that she has given them nothing in return. Gary wants to know what Rachel is and where she came from because people don't appear out of nowhere after being dead for 12 years.  Gary adds that Jacob could sense Caleb and since Rachel is just like Jacob, she must be able to sense Caleb as well.  Gary's co-conspirator's ask for a moment.  They ask how much longer they are going to do this because their plan was to only scare Rachel.  Gary says that they are not letting Rachel go, so both Paul and Carl declare that they want out.  Gary reminds them that they helped kidnapped Rachel and so if they tell anyone, they will be just as culpable as him.  When they walk out the door, Rachel begs them to stay and not leave her with Gary.

Eric and Maggie are looking at Jacob's blood and Paul asks to look at Caleb's blood to see if it looks like Jacob's. When Maggie heads over to the fridge, she finds the vials which contained Caleb's blood to be empty.

Tom and Bellamy pull up to the church to see if Rachel is hiding there.  In the lot, they see Gary's truck and so ask Bob the gardener if he has seen Gary today.  Bob replies that he hasn't seen Gary since yesterday and that Gary's truck has been there all night.

Henry and Lucille put together a puzzle, as a clearly bored Jacob watches.  Jacob wants to go back to the park and play with Jenny because he promised her that he would return. Henry tries to encourage Jacob but Jacob is insistent that he wants to return to the park.  Lucille tells Jacob that he heard what Bellamy said and that it is best for him to stay home today. Jacob storms up the stairs saying that he is being punished and that he didn't do anything.  Lucille moves to follow but Henry stops her saying that an occasional temper tantrum is the right of every eight year old boy.  Lucille however points out that Jacob isn't like other eight year old boys. Henry assures Lucille that Jacob will come around.

Bellamy and Tom head to see Fred about Gary but Fred says that he doesn't understand why Gary would do something to Rachel.  Tom points out that Gary's truck is still at the church and  Belllamy adds that Gary was talking about the Returned like they aren't human. Fred points out that Gary has every right to be angry because of what Caleb did and suggests that Rachel might be embarrassed because of her pregnancy and left town. Out of the corner of his eye, Fred sees Carl making his way into the station.  Fred tells Bellamy and Tom that he isn't going to investigate until he has proof that something is wrong. Tom gets angry and says that he is done wasting his time arguing with someone who is ignorant.  Fred argues back that he is caught in the middle, so Bellamy promises to let Fred know if something comes up.

Carl is getting dressed in the locker room when Fred walks in to question him as to why he is late.  Carl lies and claims that his battery died. Fred slams Carl against the lockers and asks him what he did.

Tom and Bellamy make their way to see Polly Humphrey and ask if Gary is at home.  Polly admits that Gary is not at home and wonders if Gary will ever be back.  It turns out that Gary started drinking again and that when Gale got killed, it put Gary over the edge.  Bellamy assure Polly that he doesn't want Gary to hurt himself or anyone else and asks if Polly has any idea where Gary might be.  Polly again says that she doesn't know, so Bellamy asks if there is a place Gary goes when he wants to be alone.  Polly tells them about the cabin and Tom stands, promising to tell Polly if they find Gary.

Eric calls Maggie back into the lab to look at a sample of leukemia. Maggie wonders how Eric got a sample of leukemia but instead of answering her, Eric shows Maggie another slide.  The second slide actually shows that the cancer has been cured after being introduced to Jacob's white blood cells. Eric is excited and says that he needs to do more tests. Maggie again asks where Eric got the leukemia sample and Eric admits that he was diagnosed last year.  Eric says that he is booking a flight for Maryland tonight and tells Maggie that she should go with him.

At the Langstons, Lucille knocks on Jacob's door but doesn't get an answer.  Lucille says that she knows it is hard to understand why things are the way they are.  When Lucille doesn't get an answer again, she opens the door and finds the room empty.

Gary is drinking and Rachel promises not to say anything if he lets her go home.  Gary questions if  Rachel has a home and Rachel points out that Arcadia is her home, just like Gary. Unfortunately for Rachel, Gary is quick to tell her that she is nothing like him.  Gary says it's time to find out what Rachel is and pulls out a long knife and adds, it's time to find out if Rachel bleeds.  Rachel asks Gary if he is sure he wants to do that because she might be the devil and questions if knives can hurt her.  Rachel points out that she is already dead, so Gary grabs her and demands to know what she is.  Rachel promises to hunt Gary down and show up in his nightmares.  The two are interrupted by a loud knock at the door.

Once Upon a Time, Season 3, Episode 19: A Curious Thing


It’s a flashback to Fairyland (after the curse was broken but before the second curse – that weird limbo year) and Snow White wants to gather the whole kingdom to announce she’s pregnant. Regina thinks a) they have other problems and gathering everyone up is a risk and b) being pregnant isn’t exactly a novel and great achievement. Belle arrives to tell everyone of the win/win/lose situation with Rumple. They got him back (win), Neal sacrificed himself (win. Hush, I call it a win) and Zelina got the dagger (lose). It seems even more sensible to think that the pregnancy party isn’t the best plan yet but Snow White insist with sogginess and hope (which the kingdom really needs, apparently. Personally I think it needs an army, a large witch-seeking-missile and, preferably, the Dark One Dagger. But let’s go with hope).

Aurora finally breaks her silence and warns Snow that Zelena wants the Charming baby (in my headcanon I like to think she heard the Charmings were having a baby and said “WHAT?! The two soggiest people in the world have bred!? AGAIN? Surely we cannot dodge the bullet twice, this Wet Lettuce child must be stopped!” Of course my headcanon also has Aurora saying “a pregnancy party? Seriously? I never got no damn pregnancy party! Like hell is apple girl getting one.”)

In revenge for Phillip and Aurora revealing the big secret, Zelena swoops in on a broomstick (told you that missile would have been more useful than hope) and turns them both into winged monkeys. She freezes everyone and checks on pregnant Snow White – yes the baby is super duper special (and soggy).

Fast forward 8 months and Snow White despairs because she’s about to give birth and another evil sorceress is menacing her child. Regina objects – she only menaced Snow White, everyone else was collateral damage (Regina has the best lines). They come up with a stupid plan but for Snow’s child the Charmings will try it (Granny’s expression says it all. “It’s Stupid But We’ll Do it Anyway” should be on their coat of arms). Anyway, plan is to break into Rumple’s castle to consult him. Regina and Robin snark a little because Twu Lub

Speaking of – to the present and we have Robin and Regina kissing. The inevitable result when 2 characters of the opposite sex bicker on television. TV writers have an argument kink. Regina actually asks what Robin sees in her (her aura of indomitable awesomeness that overwhelms everyone, of course) and they discuss the limited emotional range that being heartless brings. Time for some angst – Henry blunders past and calls Regina “madame mayor” which, of course, cuts Regina pretty deeply.

Time for a boss meeting and Regina doesn’t quite hide her silly grin which Mary Margaret comments on – so Regina makes a pregnant-fat joke which is really beneath her. C’mon Regina, it’s Mary Margaret, Queen of Soggy, you have far too much material to resort to such. Brainstorm and finally the question is asked – how did Zelena cast the curse (since it requires the sacrifice of what you love most) and why – why did she want to bring them to Storybrooke? The ideas are that either she needed something from Earth to cast the time travel spell or that she needed to wipe everyone’s memories because they’d found the key to defeating her. Either way, breaking the curse will help – last time it was broken by Emma finally believing in magic… so this time round they need to get Henry to believe since he’s the only one who doesn’t.